Throne Monkey

2009-04-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

At the place where Mom works to make money and buy me cat treats, the people do not want to spend a lot of money on work stuff. Mom has been trying to do things without spending her work's money called cheap. While Mom was trying not to spend too much work money, she had to go to the place where the wind blows her hair and makes her mad called Kansas City. She did not have enough time for the airplanes to get her there so she had to drive to the airport by the people kid Julie's house to not spend money called cheap and fly on a plane that does not cost a lot of money called Southwest. We do not have those kinds of planes at our airport, so Mom had to drive a long way to find one.

She drove to the people kid Julie's house and spent the night and was all happy about seeing the people baby, Pretty Girl. That was fine with me because if Mom sees the people babies at their own houses, they do not have to come to ours. Mom got on the plane that does not cost a lot of money called Southwest and went to the place where the wind blew her hair and made her mad called Kansas City and then she came back.

When she came home from the airport where the cheap airplanes are, guess what she had with her? Yep, that's right. That people baby Pretty Girl! Mom does not have to do that! She saw Pretty Girl at her own house! I was all worked up about Pretty Girl being in Mom's car and I was not a happy cat.

But then it got worse. Mom opened the back of her car and guess what she had in there? I asked Mom what was that? She told me it was a cat. Yes, I knew it was a cat, I am a cat, I know what cats look like. But why is that cat in Mom's car? Why is that cat at our house? We already have a cat! We do not need another one!

Mom told me the cat was lost and lived in the woods. A nice lady found the cat and tried to help the cat. The cat lost its Mom and big man. The cat needs a new place to live because it does not want to go the place where cats are in jail called the shelter.

I do not blame the cat, I do not want to go to the place where cats are in jail called the shelter, but that does not mean I want the cat to live at our house. Mom told me I was only thinking of myself called selfish. I do not care about that, I just do not want another cat bothering me, eating my cat treats. I was very mad about this. Mom told me that was too bad, the cat was staying.

The big man did not know a cat rode in Mom's car to our house. I was waiting for him so that I could tell him to make the cat go away. The big man walked in our living room and the cat was laying on the couch by Mom. The big man said, "What is that?" and Mom said, "It was here when I got home, I thought it was yours."

I started growling and hissing because Mom was telling a story that was not right called a fib! Mom brought that cat to our house!

The big man petted the cat and said he liked the cat and that Monkey needs a friend. NO! Monkey does not need a friend! Monkey needs cat treats!

I was so sad about this. I tried to hiss and growl at the cat so he would run away but he did not. I would not let him eat food out my cat bowl but Mom just got him a different bowl.

Mom said the new cat's name is Larry and she took him to Dr. Smith's hospital to see if he is sick. He was a little bit sick and had to stay and get shots. He must have been broken too because Mom told the big man she had the new cat Larry fixed while he was Dr. Smith's hospital. But then guess what happened? Dr. Smith said that Larry had little bugs from the woods called worms and that I might have them too! I do not have little bugs from the woods! There is nothing wrong with me! But what did Mom do? She took me to Dr. Smith's hospital where the stupid dogs bark all the time and I had to eat big rocks called medicine and get three shots! I had to take 7 naps to feel better.

So now we have another cat at our house named Larry. I still do not like him. He needs to have his own Mom and big man, I do not want to share mine. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2009-04-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

Every time I turn around, there are people babies at our house. I am very tired of it. Now that there are 5 people babies, there are too many. I am a busy cat. I do not have time to mess with people babies. It is spring time at our house, which means I have to kill things. I need to run around and be a cat, I do not have time to be nice to people babies.

The first people baby, Pretty Girl, came to our house with suitcases and stayed for too many days and nights. Pretty Girl's people mom and dad went far away where there are mountains and not enough air called Colorado to put sticks on their feet called skis and fall down on snow. We had snow and I did not like it. I would not go far away to the mountains where there is not enough air called Colorado just fall down on snow! But Pretty Girl stayed a long time. She cannot crawl or walk so she cannot get me, but she likes cats so Mom made me be nice to her. I did not want to be nice to her! I wanted to go outside and get a fat bird!

It wasn't long after Mom and the big man finally got rid of Pretty Girl that Tater Boy and Red Head Boy came to stay at our house. Tater Boy has not stayed at our house before, this was his first time. He can crawl on our new floors and he tried to bother me. I had to get on Mom's bed so he would not get me. Mom let Tater Boy take a bath in our sink. I did not like that because Mom washes my cat bowl in that sink and it does not need a Tater Boy in it messing it up.

Red Head Boy is 4 people years old now and he thinks he is very smart. When Mom and the big man do not do what he wants, he gets all mad and does something Mom calls pouts. If I were Mom I would just throw him out in the garage like she does me. But does Mom do that? No, she does not! She talks to Red Head Boy and is all funny trying to make him smile so he will not pout.

Our house is just fine without people babies, I don't know why Mom and the big man get all worked up about them. They are a lot of trouble. Pretty Girl and Tater Boy poo in diapers and cough up hair balls all the time. Mom has to clean them up all the time. Red Head Boy pouts. Black Hair Girl cries and gets very sad about stuff called a drama queen. Black Hair Boy gets Mom's tools out of her red box and hits things with her nice hammer. Mom and the big man do not have to keep people babies, they have their own moms and dads and their own houses.

I do not like it when they are here because Mom and the big man act like they like the people babies better than me. The people babies get in my way. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2009-03-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

We have had problems with the people screaming on television about how cold it is called weathermen. One day they scream because it is warm in the winter time and then time they scream because bad stuff called snowstorms are coming. We live in the place where people say YALL and there is not supposed to be white ice on the ground called snow. We like it that way.

But the people were screaming on the television about a big storm and all the people listened. Even Mom left and went to Walmart to buy milk, bread and cat treats even though we had plenty at our house already. The big man said that is what people are supposed to do when big storms come. Maybe milk and bread will keep the storm from blowing our house away, I don't know. If it does, we are OK because we have plenty.

We went to bed on a day that was Saturday and when we woke up on Sunday, all our stuff and our yard was covered up by white ice called snow. Lots and lots of snow, more snow that I have ever seen before. Mom and the big man could not believe we had so much snow because we are not supposed to have snow in the place were people say YALL. My nice flower beds that the big man fixes up for me to poo in were all covered by snow.

Mom and the big man put on lots of clothes that were ugly called coveralls and went outside to play in the snow covering up our yard and all our stuff. I was not happy about this because I did not want to go out in the snow and I wanted them to play with me in the house. But they did not.

I did not want to go outside because snoe was everywhere and there was no place to sit. I did not think the snow was fun at all, but Mom and the big man walked around the yard in the snow and made balls out of the snow and threw them at each other. They watched our nice neighbors sliding up and down our street on flat fast things called sleds.

I got tired of watching all the fun outside and I had to poo so I decided to go outside too. I would not have gone out, but I really really had to poo and I knew that if I pooed in the house, the big man would yell and holler and Mom would throw me out in the garage. I did not like that idea. I have never pooed in snow, so I thought at least I could try it.

Cats do not like snow and ice. I am a cat. I do not like snow and ice.

I went back in the garage and waited for Mom and the big man to go visit Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor and I pooed in the garage behind the big man's Christmas present called the ping pong table. I am not going out on that snow and ice. That is too cold. I do not like being a cold cat. I am just a cool cat.

2009-02-21T15:03:00.000-08:00

We have been too busy at our house and I cannot keep up with everything. The first thing that happened was Mom got a new car. She has been talking about a new car for 2 years and the big man told her to stop talking about it and just go get it. So one Saturday the big man told Mom he was taking her to eat food at the place she does not have to cook called Logan's Roadhouse. And before they went to eat food that Mom did not cook, they went to the place where people bother you a lot to buy their new cars called the Nissan Place and Mom got one. Mom likes it a lot and since I know how much she likes it, I watch over it for her.

The next thing that happened was that Mom went to the people doctor because her back hurts and she whines all the time called hypochondria. Me and the big man get tired of Mom whining all the time about her hurting back called hyponchondria so we made her go to the people doctor. The people doctor sent Mom to the place where they made her get in machines with loud noises all around her called tests. The people doctor told Mom she has a bad back and she has to go to the place where she gets on the floor and rolls around and stretches like a cat called physical therapy.

Mom is very mad about her bad back. She does not want her back to be bad and she is all grouchy about it. I do not like a grouchy Mom so I want her to get another back that is not bad.

The next thing that happened is Mom got another one of those projects at our house. This time we moved all our nice furniture out of our living room. My nice couch is in the kitchen with the piano. The other couch is the room where people sit around and eat too much food and it is very messy in there. Mom is not messy and I do not like it when she lets our house get all messy like this. I can't find my places to nap and I am nervous all the time. Mom had people come to our house with scissors and knives and they cut our floor off! They did, they cut it off and put it in their truck and drove it away! I was so mad about that!. Then they came back the next day and put a different floor in our living room. Mom is all excited about our new floor. Me and the big man did not see anything wrong with our old floor. It was soft and warm and if I coughed up a hair ball, it just soaked right in. Our new floor is not soft and warm and if I cough up a hairball on it, Mom will hit me with the broom and throw me in the garage.

Since our house is messy, we don't have to do a lot of chores. Me and Mom have been playing a new game on the computer called Pathwords and Twist. I get mad when we play because Mom always wins because I do not know how to spell words. I asked my internet cat friends Ink and Sammie about spelling words and they do not know how either. That is not fair that cats cannot win spelling word games. Maybe somebody needs to make a cat game for the computer so me and my internet cat friends can play. That would be cool and I am a cool cat.

2009-01-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

I thought me and Mom would have a good time all week with the Big Man gone away to the place where people are very poor and do not have enough food called Nicaragua. But NO! What did Mom do the very first day? She went to the place where people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks call Nashville to see Pretty Girl. Mom left me some food and water on the porch with the screen around it so the grey cat can't get in but it was very cold and my water turned to ice. I was so mad about that. I had to go to the little house in the backyard called the guest house and asked the nice lady to give me some water.

It has been very cold at our house and Mom does not like that. One day we got up and there was white ice all over our yard called snow. We did not like that. When we have white ice called snow on our road, Mom cannot put on her white shoes with laces and run away and then she gets grouchy and worked up. I cannot dig a hole to poo in when we have white ice called snow and I get grouch and worked up about that. I thought about pooing in the big man's shoes but then Mom would find it and clean it up and she would get very mad at me and throw me out in the garage and not let me back in.

I have been staying the house a lot and fighting with my new cat toys. I have to go out for a few minutes to poo but then I come right back in and lay by the nice hole in the floor that blows out hot air. That makes me warm. I asked Mom to lay in the floor with me by the nice hole with hot air but she is too busy working in her new office and eating all the candy on the table in the living room. I told her she should leave some of that candy for the big man but she does not listen to me. Sometimes Mom is not cool. I am always a cool cat.

2009-01-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

We had Mom's internet friends at our house for a bunch of days and nights. None of my internet cat friends got to come with their Moms and I am very mad about that. I was going to poo in all the internet Mom's shoes, but one of the Moms brought me a bag of toys and I did not want her to take them away so I left their shoes alone.

The Moms cooked too much food. They stayed up past bedtme and laughed and talked. They read books and typed on their computers a lot. I like all the Moms so I took turns laying in their laps so they could pet me.

Mom sent the Big Man away while the internet Moms were here because the Moms did not want boys to bother them. I do not want boys to bother me either but Mom does not send them away for me!

After the internet Moms left, the big man came home. Mom helped him pack up the big red suitcase. I was confused because Mom is the one who packs up the big red suitcase and goes away on airplanes. But this time the big man went away.

Yes, he did and it is just me and Mom here for a bunch of days and nights. The big man went to a place very far away where people are poor and do not have enough food called Nicaragua. The big man is helping people get food. He is working to build a place where people can go to act nice to each other for a few minutes called church. Mom talks to the big man on the computer. I do not get to talk to the big man at all.

I thought it would be nice without the big man here to bother me, but I do not have anyone to bite and scratch now. Mom gets mad and says loud words I am not allowed to say if I bite and scratch her. Sometimes she gets mad and throws me in the garage. I do not like that. So I have been fighting with my new cat toys and staying out of trouble.

Mom says the big man will be home on the day that is Saturday. I was very happy about that until I found out that Mom is going to get some of the people babies before the big man gets home. Mom is taking Black Hair Girl, Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy with her to get the big man from the airplane. That means they will stay at our house for days and nights and I do not like that. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2009-01-14T10:00:00.000-08:00

I have not told my internet cat friends stuff in a long time. Santa Claus did come to see me! I got cat treats and some new cat toys. I must have been a very good cat this year because I got a lot of cool cat stuff.

Right after Christmas, Mom got all worked up about getting our house cleaned up and all our Christmas stuff back to the hiding place called the attic. Me and the big man had to help her get stuff packed up and we did not like that because we were tired and needed to take naps. Mom was telling us to do stuff all the time called orders and we did not like that at all.

Me and the big man were fussing about Mom telling us to do stuff all the time called orders and he told me that Mom is having a big party at our house that will last a long time. He said that a bunch of Mom's internet friends are coming to our house to stay for a bunch of days and nights. He said Mom was our house to be neat and nice for her big party.

I did not believe the big man because well, he is the big man so I emailed my internet cat friend Sammie who lives in the place where a bunch of liars live called Washington DC. Sammie said that her Mom was coming to this big party and so is Ink's mom. When Mom was busy doing chores, I went to her new office upstairs and did a conference call with all my internet cat friends and found out that a bunch of my internet cat friends' moms are coming to our house. Lucy who is very smart and knows about numbers and lives in the place where two cities look a like called Minnesota said her mom is coming. My internet cat friend Frankie who lives in the place where the trees have no leaves and prickly things on them called cactus said his mom is coming. Bruno and Sullivan, who's mom made them ride in a cage in a car for a bunch of days and nights so they could move to a new house far away called New Hampshire said their mom is coming too. That stupid dog that Mom makes me be friends with called Snoopy that lives in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta is coming. Fuzzy's mom from the place where cars go around really fast in a circle called Indianpolis is coming too.

Me and my internet cat friends decided to ask our moms if they could come to the big party too and our Moms said NO. That is not fair. We want to have a party too! Our moms get to have a party with their internet friends, why can't we? We decided that we will poo in their shoes while they are gone.

The big man had a birthday. Of course the people babies had to come over so the big man could have his birthday. They chased me and Black Hair Girl put her necklace on me. I get so mad about that! I am a boy cat! I do not wear necklaces!

Black Hair Girl and Red Head Boy helped Mom make the big man a nice cake while Black Hair Boy chased me with a helicopter. I get so tired of people babies. They come to our house all the time.

Mom's big party with her internet friends starts tomorrow when Sammie's mom gets here. I have been helping Mom get things ready because if I don't she will not give me cat treats. I don't know what I will do when all the internet moms are here. I will try to poo in all their shoes when they are not looking because they did not bring my internet cat friends with them. We internet cats are cool too and we want a party too. This is not cool, I don't like it because I am a cool cat.

2008-12-16T10:39:00.000-08:00

I was hoping that me and Mom could have some peace and quiet while we waited for Santa Claus to come. But did that happen? NO. Wouldn't just know it? The people babies came to our house and stayed for 2 days and nights. Not only do they bother me but now they bother our computer. Mom has taught them how to use our computer and they have friends on the internet that talk to them called Grover, Elmo, and Cookie Monster. I could not use the computer to talk to my internet cat friends the whole time the people babies were here because they were always on the computer.

At least none of the people babies coughed up hair balls this time. I tried to stay outside a lot but it is very cold here and I had to come in the house to get warm. I think Santa got me an early present. I asked Santa for a bunch of things and one thing was for the stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us to find another place to live. Well, those stupid dogs that lived in the yard behind us have been gone ever since the people with the fast cars and flashing lights called policemen took their big man away. I am very happy about that and so is Mom. I don't know why Mom cares about the stupid dogs that lived in the yard behind us because they did not chase her up trees, but she was really glad that they are gone somewhere else with their big man.

It must be close for time for Santa to come to our house because Mom has the nice dishes on the table. I know what is going to happen. She is going to cook too much food and all the people are going to come over and bring all the people babies. Well that's fine because I already have my spot picked out.

When the people babies finally left and I got to use the computer, I had an email from my internet cat friend Lucy who lives in the place where 2 cities look alike called Minnesota. Lucy is a very smart cat and knows how to write numbers on paper. Lucy told me that if I wanted to see Santa when he got to our house, I needed to wait by the chimney. I did not know what a chimney is so I had to text my internet cat friend Sammie. I am going to marry Sammie as soon as someone tells me what that means.

Sammie said the chimney is a whole in our house that you can't see unless you poo in the fireplace. Well, I have pooed in the fireplace a bunch of times but I did not know that big hole above the fireplace was called a chimney! I was still confused about why I needed to wait by the chimney. Was Santa going to come in and poo in our fireplace? Sammie said no, Santa does not come in the doors, he comes down the chimney. I am very glad I have internet cat friends to help me.

So now I am waiting for Santa in the right place. I just know he is going to bring me lots of cat toys and treats. Because I have been a very good cat and I am cool.

2008-12-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

THIS IS NOT FAIR!
THIS IS NOT COOL!

2008-12-08T06:28:00.000-08:00

I am counting the days and nights until Santa Claus comes to our house. Mom does not tell me stuff about Santa Claus, but that punk Jesse from down the street said that his people kids wrote letters to Santa Claus to tell him the presents to bring. When Mom was in her new office working, I got stuff to write my letter to Santa Claus. It is hard for me to write because I do not have thumbs.

Mom and the big man were very busy last week and they were all worked up. The people nephew Anthony who goes to the place where he learns how to fight and be brave called the Army, came home and brought a girl. All the people family were happy about the people nephew Anthony's girl. The people family cooked too much food and everybody went to eat and see the people nephew and his girl.

I thought everything was very happy about the people kid Anthony and his girl. But it was not. On the day that was Saturday, all the people family and a bunch of people friends went to a party for the people nephew Anthony and his girl. The people family were very sad and they were crying. Mom was crying a lot and made her face black. I thought maybe the people family decided they did not like the people nephew Anthony and his girl any more but that was not it. Mom told me that the people nephew Anthony and his girl are getting on an airplane this week and they are going very far away to the place where people do not each other and shoot guns at each other called Iraq.

I got very sad about that too because I would not like to be in the place where people do not like each other and shoot guns at each other pcalled Iraq. Mom said that all the people family are very proud of the people nephew Anthony and his girl because they are very brave and strong to go to the place where people do not like at each and shoot guns at each other called Iraq. But the people family is sad because we will miss the people nephew Anthony and his girl while they are gone and we will worry about them because we want them to be safe.

Mom said that all the people family will go to the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church and talk to God about the people kid Anthony and his girl. I do not know about the person called God, but I do know about Santa Claus. The next time Mom leaves the paper out, I will write a letter to Santa Claus about the people kid Anthony and his girl. Because I like the people kid Anthony, he is cool like me. I am a cool cat.

2008-12-04T06:33:00.000-08:00

We had something called a long weekend at our house last week because it was the day that people say thank you for stuff called Thanksgiving. That means that the people kids came to our house, people babies came and brought suitcases and bags of diapers to stay at our house and Mom cooked too much food. I did not like any of it.

Pretty Girl came back to our house again and this time she brought her people mom and dad. That was OK with me because Pretty Girl is too little to bother me and all she wants to do is eat her hand. People babies are not very smart. If you eat your hand off, you cannot type on the internet.

The other people babies came to our house without their people moms and dads. Black Hair Girl, Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy stayed at our house to sleep. They bother me. Black Hair Boy pulls my tail all the time and Black Hair Girl puts purses on me. I am a boy! I do not want a purse!

On the day that was Saturday, Mom was cooking our breakfast and Black Hair Boy started coughing hair balls in the living room. He coughed up a bunch of them and they smelled very bad. Mom was all worked up about it and I thought she would throw Black Hair Boy out in the garage because that is what she does to me when I cough up hair balls in the house. But did Mom do that? No she did not! And that is not fair! Mom picked up Black Hair Boy and she was petting him and talking very nice to him. And then you know Black Hair Boy did? He coughed up a hair ball ON MOM. Yes he did! I was so mad! Mom still did not throw him outside! She was not even mad. The next time I cough up a hairball, she better not throw me out or I will tell her she is not fair.

Buddha Boy came to our house with his people mom and dad on the night Mom cooked too much food. He is a new people baby and he is little like Pretty Girl. Buddha Boy leaks all the time. He leaks out of his diaper some, but he leaks out of his mouth all the time. He leaked all over Mom and all over our nice couch. But did Mom get mad? No, she did not! What it is about people babies that they can do bad stuff and not get in trouble?

After all the people babies and people kids left to go to their own houses, me and Mom got our Christmas stuff out of the hiding place up the stairs called the attic. We worked hard to get our Christmas stuff out in our house so Santa Claus would know we are ready for presents. Me and Mom have worked every night to make Christmas in our house. And what has the big man been doing while we are working? He sits at the table writing numbers on paper for the place called school and griping about the numbers called Algebra. Me and Mom get tired of the big man fussing about the numbers called Algebra. Mom has little white circles she puts in her ears called iPod so that she cannot hear the big man. I do not have little white circles for my ears called iPod so that I do not have to listen to the big man so I am going to ask Santa to bring me some.

We have Christmas in our house now so I am ready for Santa Claus. He knows what I want. I am waiting for him because I am a cool cat.

2008-11-25T07:33:00.000-08:00

I wish the Big Man would go live in the shed. He gets me in trouble all the time.

I was not a happy cat on the day that was Friday. Mom left and said she would be back in a little while. I get nervous when Mom leaves on Friday because that is the day she likes to go get people babies. She brings them to our house and they bring suitcases and diapers and they stay for 2 nights and they bother me. Well, sure enough, Mom came back with a people baby! I was not happy!

This time is was Pretty Girl and no other people babies. Pretty Girl is a little people baby. She lays in a bucket or in the bed. She cannot talk or pull my tail like Black Hair Boy. She just lays around and cries until someone puts a bottle in her mouth. Mom talked to Pretty Girl and sometimes Pretty Girl would smile and Mom would just all worked up about it. I get so tired of Mom getting worked up over people babies. I do all kinds of cute cat stuff to Mom and she does not get worked up about any of it. I think I'll just lay around and do nothing because it does not matter to Mom that the cat is being cute.

It got cold outside and a cat gets frisky when it is cold. Mom has been busy working to make money to buy me cat treats and the Big Man goes to work and then to the place where he reads books and writes numbers on paper called school, so I've been taking care of myself outside. Cats are not the only thing that gets frisky when it is cold outside! I've had fun catching nice treats by myself.

I have been gathering nice treats every day and since I have so many, when I am through with the treats and have extra, I give one to Mom and sometimes to the Big Man.

Do you think the Big Man appreciates my presents? No he does not! I go to all the trouble to catch half dead bleeding squirrels for him and then I do something extra and eat off the half dead bleeding squirrel's head and put it right there on the steps for the Big Man and does he even say thank you? No he does not! He yells and fusses and tells Mom the cat is a killer. Yes, the cat is a killer! That's what cats do! He should be happy that I share my treats with him!

Well. Pretty Girl stayed at our house until the day that was Sunday. Mom loaded Pretty Girl in her bucket and put the bucket in our car and went to the people kid Julie's house to take Pretty Girl back. Mom stayed at the people kid Julie's house to sleep. Me and the big man were home by ourselves and we decided to watch a movie on the big TV upstairs. I did not like the movie the big man picked out so I went to the bedroom to take a nap. The big man finished watching the movie and went downstairs to go to bed. The big man shut the door and trapped me upstairs! What is wrong the big man? I do not have food upstairs and there is no nice flower bed up there for me to poo in!

I went to the door and meowed very loud and scratched. The big man did not come let me out. I could hear the big man making loud sleeping noises all the way up the stairs through the door. I had to poo really bad. I was so mad at the big man! I had to poo on the bed where the people kids sleep! I should have pooed on the big man!

The big man finally let me out before he went to work. I was mad at him and when he opened the door I hissed at him but I did not have time to bite and scratch him because I had to get outside fast. Of course the big man called Mom and told her the cat pooed on the bed. He did not tell Mom he locked me upstairs! He makes me so mad!

Mom came home and I was waiting to tattle on the big man. Mom was not mad at me but she was not mad at the big man either. She should be very mad at the big man! He is not cool. He needs to live in the shed and leave the cat alone because the cat is me and I am a cool cat.

2008-11-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

We had a busy weekend that was Friday and Saturday. The day that was Friday was the day that is bad for black cats called Halloween. That is the day the people kids all around wear scary dress up clothes called costumes and come to our house and will not leave until Mom gives them treats called candy. We did not have many people kids in dress ups called costumes come to our house and Mom and the big man are mad about that because now they have to eat the treats called candy by themselves. I told Mom that next time the day that is bad for black cats called Halloween gets here, she should just get cat treats to give to the people kids in dress ups called costumes because if we have a lot left, I will eat them all and not be mad.

The next day was the day that was Saturday. Mom and the big man did work in our yard for a little while but then they had to get all dressed up in nice clothes to go the place where a bunch of people were all happy and dancing about the people kid Justin's big party with his girl called a reception. Why does the people kid Justin get to have two big parties with his girl and I never have any parties? Why do I have to stay home and the people babies always get to go to parties? That is not fair!

It is not hot outside anymore and I like it when it is not hot. I've been busy finding new places to take naps. I like being outside, but I have a problem with the big grey cat. He thinks I am his friend and he comes over to our yard a lot. Sometimes he comes in our garage and eats my Meow Mix. I hiss and spit at him but I do not like to fight with him because he beats me up and that is so embarassing. I don't want that punk Jesse from down the street to think that I can be whooped because then I would have problems with him too.

If I don't want to worry about the big grey cat or the punk Jesse from down the street, I just go one of my napping spots in the house. Mom will not let other cats in our house and that is good. My cat treats are in the house and I do not want other cats bothering my treats. That would not be cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-10-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

I knew Mom and the big man were going to be gone a long time. The big man had to pack all his clothes and it took 4 suitcases to get all their stuff packed up. It was time for the people kid Justin's big party with his girl. The people kid Justin likes me a lot because we are both cool. I know he wanted me to come to his big party with his girl. My internet cat friend, Sammie, bought me a nice tie to wear to the people kid Justin's big party with his girl.

There was plenty of room for me and my tie to get in a suitcase and go with Mom and the big man. But did I get to go? No, I did not! That is not fair! I never get to go anywhere!

Mom and the big man left on the day that was Monday. They had to get on a big airplane to go to the big party. I found out that the people kid Julie and her man went too and they took the new people baby, Pretty Girl. I am so mad about that! I have been around for a very long time and I did not get to go to the people kid Justin's big party with his girl! Pretty Girl has only been around for 2 months and she gets to go to the party! I am so mad about Pretty Girl.

Cats are better at parties that people babies. Cats just sit in laps and hide under chairs. People babies cry and cough up hairballs on people when they are trying to look pretty. I know the people kid Justin did not want a people baby at his party! I am going to talk to him about this.

All the people in Mom's people family went to the place with lots of water and sand called Florida for the people kid Justin's big party with his girl. I am very sad that I did not get to go. Mom said the big party was very good and the people kid Justin and his girl were very pretty at their big party and they smiled all the time about their big party. Mom and the big man were very happy about the big party too. Now all of the people kids have their own girls and men. I am not really happy about that because after our people kids get their own girls and men, the next thing they get are people babies and I do not like people babies at all. They bother me and Mom is always worried about them and she acts all giddy about them.

After the big party, the people got on a big boat and went away for a few days called a cruise. Mom and the big man and the people kids Julie and her man and Justin got on a boat like that one time and they did not take me with them. Well, they did it again. I never get to go anywhere!

The people had fun on the big boat for a few days called a cruise. When they got off the big boat, the big man came home but he did not have Mom with him. I was very worried about that, because Mom is the person who buys my cat treats at Walmart. The big man said that Mom could not come home from the big boat because she had to get on a different airplane and fly to work. I did not like that at first, but I remembered that Mom has to work to make money to buy me cat treats, so I was OK.

I had to stay home by myself with the big man until the day that was Wednesday. Finally Mom came home, she was gone from our house for 9 days and nights and I did not like that. Mom should not be gone away for a long time like that. I ran out of cat food and cat treats. The big man went to Walmart to buy me some but he never buys my favorites. I was glad to see Mom because she needed to go to Walmart and buy me the right kind of cat treats. It is not cool to have the wrong cat treats and that will not do because I am a cool cat.

2008-10-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Mom gets a project at our house. When she gets a project, that means our house will be very messy for a bunch of days and she will tear the walls off and make them a different color. I do not like when Mom has a project because I am a neat cat and I do not like to walk around in our house when it is very messy from projects.

Mom got a project last month and she was not messy with it at all. Mom told the big man that we needed more beds in our house because we have so many people babies. I do not like that we have beds for the people babies because that means they will sleep at our house and that is not good for the cat. When the people babies are here, they bother me all the time, they bother my food too. Don't forget that Mom is so busy with the people babies that she does not have time to pet me enough. The people babies always make Mom sick when they are here. There is nothing good about people babies at all but Mom will not listen to me about it.

I was not happy about the project to get more beds for people babies. But once Mom got the new beds and the nice blankets to go on them, I thought it was OK. I like to go upsets to the new bedroom and sleep on the new beds. I take turns sleeping on them because there are two beds in the new bedroom. The big man asked Mom if she was making a hotel but I don't know what that is.

I guess Mom knew that I did not like it that she got more beds for the people babies and Mom likes me best, so she surprised me by getting a nice bed just for me! I love my new bed and I sleep in it a lot. It is very comfortable. I was sleeping in my new bed in the new bedroom minding my own business when Mom saw me. I was telling her thank you for my very own new bed. She yelled at me! She said that was not my bed! That bed is for the people baby Pretty Girl and cats cannot sleep in people baby beds!

I am so mad at Mom. That is my new bed! Those people babies can sleep outside. People babies are not cool like me. I am a cool cat.

2008-10-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

I have been hanging out with the big man because Mom is mad at me. I hope the big man does not think that I like him or anything, its just that a cat needs someone to watch television with sometimes.

Mom is mad at me for a bunch of stuff. On the day that was Tuesday, the big man told Mom a bunch of people were coming to our house to talk about things they want to do called a committee meeting. Mom worked hard to make sure our house was nice and that all the people baby toys were in the closet. Mom made some nice food for the people and would not let me have any of it.

On the day the bunch of people were coming to our house to talk about things they want to do called a committee meeting, Mom was finishing up her work in her new office. I knew she needed to hurry up because the people would be at our house soon. I went upstairs to tell her to hurry up. She was working on her computer and would not talk to me so I just laid on her computer. She shooed me away! I was trying to help her! She is mean to me!

I laid on her desk so she would hurry up. While I was laying there, I had to cough and choke. Mom yelled at me and jumped up and said "you will not cough up a hair ball in my new office" and she grabbed me and ran down the stairs and threw me out the front door! I was coughing and choking and she just made it worse. As soon as I was on our front porch, I coughed up a hair ball in front of our nice door. Mom was so mad at me! I couldn't help it! It is her fault for throwing me out the door!

Mom had to stop working and clean up the hairball on our front porch in front of our door. She was yelling at me and told me all the people coming to our house did not want to step in cat vomit when they came to our house to talk about things they want to do called a committee meeting. She made me stay outside after that and it was raining very hard and I did not like that. I tried to get back in but she yelled at me and told the big man she was very mad at me about the hairball on the front porch.

After all the people got to our house, they went to our dining room to talk about things. Mom went to our back porch with the screen around it so the grey cat can't get it. She had her computer on the nice table and she was working on stuff. I went through my cat hole to see her. I thought I might talk to her and say I am very sorry about the hairball but I heard the people in the dining room. I wanted to say hello to the people and tell them that Mom worked hard to make nice food and clean up hairballs for them. I ran into the dining room and one of the people ladies saw me and yelled very loud, "its a cat, oh no!" and she jumped up and all the people got upset and the lady was going to cry because she is afraid of cats. The big man yelled for Mom to come get the cat out of the house.

All the yelling scared me and I thought maybe there was some big cat in our house like a lion or tiger so I ran away to the kitchen. The people lady was still crying and yelling about the cat. The big man was mad and Mom came running in to get me. She was very mad at me. She pulled me by my leg to get me out of my hiding place under the cabinet. She took me out to the porch and put me down and shut the door so I could not go back in the house.

After all the people left, Mom and the big man were cleaning up our kitchen and they did not see me come in the door by the garage. I heard the big man fussing about the cat coming in and scaring the poor people lady. Mom told the big man that I coughed up a hairball before the people got there.

I hope Mom stops being mad at me. She knows I am a good cat and it is not my fault. It is not cool to have Mom mad at me. She should stop being mad because I am a cool cat.

2008-09-29T07:01:00.000-07:00

It is a cat's worst nightmare. I knew about it. Mom told me about it the last time Santa Claus came to our house. She said we were getting two new people babies. My internet cat friend, Lucy, who is very smart told me that if we already have 3 people babies and we get 2 more, that means we will have 5 people babies. I do not want 5 people babies! I don't even want the 3 we already have!

My internet cat friend Ink told me that maybe everybody will change their minds and not get new people babies. Or maybe they will get them and decide they are too much trouble and send them back. I was hoping that something like would happen, but it did not. Mom and the big man have been so worked up and happy about new people babies. Well, the worst thing happened on the day that was Saturday. All the people babies came to our house.

The people kid April and her man already have Red Head Boy and now they have Buddha Boy too. All he does right now is eat and sleep but I know what will happen later. He will crawl on the floor and eat my cat treats. Then he will start running and chasing me and pulling my tail and I will want to hit him but if I do I will get in trouble.

The other new people baby belongs to the people kid Julie and her man. Pretty Girl is their first people baby and I hope she is the only people baby they will get. Pretty Girl just sits in her bucket right now, but I know what will happen very soon. She will have purses and dresses and necklaces and she will put them on me! I am a boy cat! I do not need a purse!

The people kid Julie and Pretty Girl came home with Mom on the day that was Thursday. Mom drove a long way to get them and bring them to our house. Mom should not have done that because the big man always fusses about how much money Mom spends putting stuff in our car to make it go called gas. Pretty Girl cries very loud when she is hungry and it gets on my nerves. I do not like for people babies to cry. If they have to be around, they just need to sleep and be quiet and leave a cat alone.

On the day that was Saturday, Mom started cooking too much food. I told her to please stop cooking too much food because every time she does that, a bunch of people show up at our house. I was very afraid the other people babies would come and sure enough, they did. Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy came first and they chased me and Black Hair Boy pulled my tail. Mom made him sit in the the chair in the corner called the bad chair. Red Head Boy and Buddha Boy came too with their Mom. Red Head Boy is good and he does not bother me. I guess it is OK for him to come to our house sometimes.

I texted my internet cat friend Sammie and asked her what to do about 5 people babies. She must be grounded from her cell phone because she did not text me back. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is a bad thing for cats. People babies are never good and they are not cool like me, I am a cool cat.

2008-09-17T04:47:00.000-07:00

I was outside minding my own business not bothering anybody on the day that was Sunday. Mom and the big man went to a nice party for the people kid Justin and his girl on the day that was Saturday so I thought they would stay in the bed for a long time on the day that was Sunday but they did not. They got up very early and started doing things. While I was laying on the table in our backyard, I heard a car come to our house. Cars do not come to our house so early on days that are Sundays. I did not know what the car was.

Then I heard noise and I knew it. Oh no! People babies! What are they doing here? I was so mad!

Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy came to our house and they brought a bunch of suitcases. I knew what that meant. They are going to stay with us a bunch of days and nights. Their mom and dad took something called a vacation and will be gone for a long time and of course the people babies had to come stay with us so they could bother me.

Black Hair Girl is nice to me but she always has to pet me and sometimes a cat just needs to be left alone. Black Hair Boy is the meanest people baby of all. He stomps by me and one time he tried to kick me and Mom had to give him a whoopin. He acts like he is petting me but he is really hitting me. Mom said I could hit him back but if I scratch him I will get a whoopin too. I try to be nice to Black Hair Boy but it is too hard so I stay outside.

The problem with staying outside is that the people babies are big enough to come outside a lot. Mom comes out with them but everybody plays and Mom doesn't see everything the people babies do to me. I can't rest or take a nap without the people babies finding me and bothering me. Sometimes I just say "oh no" and put up with it.

I have stayed over at Mr. Neighbor's some too because he does not have people babies and I can sleep on his porch and no one bothers me. I keep asking Mom when those people babies are going home and she says "in a few days." Well I may not be around in a few days because I am tired of people babies. It is not fair that they come to our house and stay for so long. They have their own house and their own mom, they need to leave mine alone. They are not cool like me, I am a cool cat.

2008-09-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

I have not told you stuff because the big man is always hogging the computer and I can't ever use it. I get so tired of the big man never letting me use the computer.

Me and the big man have not been getting along. First, when Mom and the big man came home from the place where sad people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks called Nashville, the big man was all worked up about his cell phone. The big man could not find the string that plugs his phone into the wall to make it work. He told Mom he knew he packed in his black suitcase and it was not there. So the big man's cell phone did not work because he did not put the string in it to plug it into the wall. He said he lost the string and he was not happy about it and being grouchy.

He thought he left it at home, but it was not at home. After the big man stomped around the house all worked up, Mom found the string that plugs his cell phone into the wall in the man's blue lunchbox. The big man said he did not pack the string that plugs his cell phone into the wall in his lunchbox! He packed in his black suitcase. Mom said the only way the string got in the lunchbox was if the big man put it there and the big man said he did not pack the string in his lunchbox.

Then Mom said, "Maybe the cat packed it there." What is wrong with Mom? I did not touch the big man's string that plugs his cell phone into the wall! I don't care about the big man's string! The big man looked at me and he was still worked up. I told him I did not bother his string but the big man does not listen to me. I was very mad at Mom for saying the cat did it. The cat did not do it!

We got a new top on our house. The people came with ladders and trucks and stayed on top of our house for a whole day and now we have a new top. I wanted to help the people and I know how to climb ladders but the people would not let me get up on our house. I was very mad about that. Mom and the big man think our new top is very pretty but it looks just like our old top.

Then we had problems at our house because our internet broke and we could type words on the computer but they would not go to the internet. Mom called her people brother that is always mean to cats because he always works on our computers. He told Mom to call the internet people so they could fix our broke internet. So Mom called the people on the day that was Monday and she was very nice and asked them to please fix our internet.

On the day that was Tuesday, the internet people told Mom they were working on our broke internet. Mom said OK.

On the day that was Wednesday, Mom was getting a little worked up about our broke internet and she called the internet people and she told them she wanted our internet fixed on that day. She was not nice to the internet people.

On the day that was Thursday, Mom was all worked up and she called the internet people and said they must fix our broke internet or she was going to drive her car their office and break their internet. The internet people promised Mom our broke internet would be fixed on the day that was Friday.

On the day that was Friday, Mom called the internet people and told them to send one of their people to our house with a thing called an antennae on his head with a wire to plug in our computer and the people with the thing called an antennae on his head and a wire to plug in our computer could stand in our yard all weekend to make sure we could have some internet. I do not know how that would fix our broke internet and it would be very embarassing to have a people standing in our yard with a thing called an antennae on his head. I hoped Mom would change her mind about that.

The internet people did send a people man to our house and Mom followed him around our house being mean to him until he fixed all broke internet and all our computers. The people man was big, but he was very afraid of Mom and he fixed our internet very fast and left. I am glad he did not stay in our yard with a thing called an antennae on his head with a wire to plug in our computers because that would not be cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-08-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

Mom stayed at the people kid Julie and her man's house all week long to see the new people baby. That is not fair, I had to stay home with the big man. I have told Mom a bunch of times that people babies are no good because people babies make people sick. Every time the people babies come over to our house, Mom gets sick. Well, just like I told her, the new people baby made the people kid Julie very sick. The people kid Julie is so sick that she keeps her sleeping clothes on all day and takes naps all the time and cannot sit down. Mom had to take care of the people kid Julie because that new people baby made her sick.

Mom had to take care of the cats that live at the people kid Julie's house too. Mom was not nice to the cats because she made them wear pink ribbons for the new people baby. Cats do not like to wear ribbons! One of the cats is not afraid of the people baby and still tries to sit in the people kid Julie's lap. The other cat is very scared of the new people baby and hides under the bed and will not come out except to poo in a box in the bathroom.

Then a big pink bird was in their yard about the people baby. I don't see why everything is all about the new people baby. Nobody ever does anything nice for cats!

Mom came home last night and I was very glad to see her. The big man was too because he is tired of eating soup out of cans for dinner. I was trying to love on Mom but the big man was all in the way trying to bother her by hugging her.

I am not happy that Mom is only at home for 2 days. She is going back to the people kid Julie's house on the day that will be Sunday because Mom has to help take care of the people kid Julie and the new people baby. Mom should just take the people baby back to the hospital so the people kid Julie will not be sick any more. But will she do that? No she won't. Because Mom is all worked up and giggly about people babies. Like we don't have enough already. I do not like any of this. People babies are not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-08-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Well. It is true. The new people is here.

Me and Mom and the big man were having a nice Saturday. After we worked in our yard, Mom fixed us a nice dinner and we ate outside on the porch with a screen around it so the grey cat can't get it. Then we decided to make a fire in the black thing on our patio called a fireplace. The big man was getting us some wood sticks to catch on fire and Mom went inside to wash dishes.

That is when the people kid Julie and her man called and said it was time to go the hospital to get the new people baby. I told Mom they did not have to go right then, its not like the people baby would only be there for a minute, it would be here for a long time. But no, Mom got all worked up and made the big man take a shower so they could drive fast to the hospital where sad people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks called Nashville.

Mom and the big were gone until the day that was Monday. The big man came home but Mom did not. She is staying at the people kid Julie's house with her man and the new people baby. Mom was very excited about the new people baby so she put pink ribbons and bows on the cats that live at the people kid Julie's house. Cats do like to wear ribbons and bows! The cats were mad!

Anyway, Mom is going to stay with the new people baby for a little while. The big man is supposed to take good care of me. He better or I will tattle on him when Mom calls. She makes sure the big man is good to me because I am a cool cat.

2008-08-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

I've been watching Mom and the big man work outside in our yard all day. Mom is always doing stuff fast because she has to get done in case the people kid Julie calls to tell her it is time to go get the new people baby. I don't know why Mom has to be there. The people kid Julie and her man can go get the people baby by themselves but oh no! Everybody is all worked up about the people baby so everybody but me has to go.

I like the big stacks of thing the big truck left in our drivway for the top on our house. I can lay on the big stacks and no one bothers me.
The big man is busy painting our fence today and Mom is taking care of our pretty flowers. I am helping between naps. It is a good day at our house except for Mom being all worked up about getting the call about the new people baby. But that's OK for today because it is cool outside and I am a cool cat.

2008-08-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

I guess I will not be going with Mom and the big man to the place where sad people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks called Nashville when the people babies get here. I don't like people babies anyway, so I will just stay home by myself. Mom and the big man are still all worked up waiting for the people kid Julie and her man to call about the people baby.

Since Mom and her big pink suitcase are not going anywhere, we have had lots of time together. Every morning the big man lets me in and gives me cat treats. Then he wakes up Mom and we all have coffee. I usually fight with the big man for a bit before he goes to work. Then Mom puts on her white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away. But she comes back. I wait for her by the mail box and jump out to get her when she comes back. Then me and Mom do stretches called yoga and she waters our pretty flowers all in pots in our yard.

Mom has to clean up and go to her new office upstairs to work. Sometimes I go to work with her to help her. I attack her printer and eat her rubber bands. Sometimes I lay on her files so they will not get lost. Sometimes I do not go to work with Mom in her new office. Sometimes I stay outside.

I was outside on the day that was yesterday and a big truck came to our house. The big truck left a bunch of stuff in our driveway. I did not know what this stuff was but Mom did.

When the big storm came to our house and blew over our nice tree and broke our fence, it blew some of the top of our house off. It blew the tops off our neighbors' houses too so all the people that have houses on our street have to get new tops on all their houses. Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor got their new top before and I did not like it! A bunch of people came to their house and made loud hammer noises for a bunch of days. It was too noisy.

I am glad we will get a new top on our house but I will not like for the people to come to our house and make hammer noises for a bunch of days. That will bother me when I am napping and that is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-08-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

Everyone in our house is nervous. I wish the people kid Julie and her man would hurry up and call Mom and the big man about that people baby they are supposed to get. Last night the Mom and the big man went for a very long ride on their bicycles and Mom made me stay in the house to answer the phone. Mom knows that cats do not answer the phone! Cats do not like telemarketers!

I stayed in the house for a while after they got back to fight with the big man but he was too busy packing a suitcase. I guess if everyone else is going to the place where sad people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks called Nashville, I should go too. I started getting my stuff together last night while Mom and the big man were sleeping. I don't know if they have cat treats at the hospital where we are getting the people baby so I gathered up a few things to eat while we wait. I had a little squirrel all dead and ready to go and I needed a plastic bag to put him in to keep him fresh. I waited until the big man came out this morning to go to work and I tried to bring my little squirrel in the house to put him a plastic bag and the big man got mad at me!

He hit me with his lunch box! He would not let me in the house with my little squirrel! I need to pack my snacks! What is wrong with the big man?

Since the big man would not give me a plastic bag, I just ate my little squirrel on the steps. I didn't want it to go bad or anything. Now I don't have any snacks to take the hospital to share with the people kid Julie and her man. Don't worry, I'm not sharing my treats with the big man! he is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-08-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Oh, Mom is so worked up these days. She gets up early and works very fast on everything. She sleeps with the telephone in her bed at night. Every time she goes outside, she comes right back in and looks at her cell phone. She is too worked up to play with me a lot and I am tired of that.

She packed up the big pink suitcase but it is not going anywhere just yet. Mom does not really like big pink suitcase because whenever she packs it, she goes away for a bunch of days and nights. So I did not know why she packed it all up and Mom and the suitcase are still at home. Mom said she is waiting for a phone call first.

I know about that. Sometimes Mom packs up her suitcase and all her work stuff and then the people call her and tell the airplane is broke and she cannot go to it. Mom gets really worked up about those phone calls and she says loud words and then yells at the airplane people because she needs to go away on airplanes but they are broke and she cannot. But she told me she is not waiting for the airplane people to call her this time.

Mom is waiting for the people kid Julie and her man to call us. The people kid Julie and her man are getting one of those people babies that bother me. Mom is waiting for the call when the people kid Julie and her man to go the hospital to get the people baby and then Mom is going to drive a long way to the place where sad people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks called Nashville. I don't know why we have to go all the way to that place to get a people baby! You'd think we could just get one at Walmart and not have to drive so far. Not that I want a people baby or anything.

Mom does not want to miss one minute with the new people baby that is not here yet. I have figured out that when people babies come, they stay so there is no rush. They come to our house and they stay and they don't go home and I do not like that because they bother me. They always make Mom sick but she doesn't care. When this new people baby gets here, there will be 5 people babies to bother me. That is too many. They will come to our house and stay and stay and I will have to hide under the bed or climb the big trees in the back to get away from them.

But Mom is just getting on my nerves right now. I hope the people kid Julie and her man hurry up about getting a people baby so Mom will stop being so worked up all the time. Not that I want another people baby. People babies are not cool like me. I am a cool cat.

2008-07-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

We have been very busy. I have to stay in the house because Mom is sick and I have to take care of her while the big man goes to work. Mom is sick because the people babies were here and they always make her sick. This time she is sick in her back and it will not work and she had to go to the people doctor and get a shot in the booty and she has to eat a bunch of rocks called medicine. She has to stay in the bed and sleep on a little blanket that gets hot with a plug called a heating pad. Poor Mom. I keep telling her those people babies need to stay at their own houses with their own moms but Mom will not listen to me.

The people babies were here on the days that were Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They bothered me so much I had to go stay at Mrs. Neighbors for a long time and not come home. They got in my big water bowl in the back yard, they slept on my new bed. Mom and the big man rode them on the bicycles and put on white shoes with laces and ran away with them. No wonder Mom's back is sick!

The worst news is that now there is another people baby. Mom said we were getting 2 new people babies this year and I was hoping she would change her mind. The people kid April and her man got another people baby! And they brought it to our house. It did not stay at our house, the people kid April and her man took it home when they left and they took Red Head Boy home too. The new people baby doesn't bother me yet, but he will. I remember when Black Hair Boy was little and stayed in his little people baby seat. But now Black Hair Boy runs and chases me and pulls my tail!

Oh, Mom and the big man are so worked up and giggly about the new people baby. And they are all worked up and giggly because we are getting another people baby next month. I am so tired of people babies. Why can't we just get another cat or something? People babies are not cool. Cats are cool. I know because I am a cool cat.

2008-05-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

We have not had fun at our house.

We had a weekend that had 3 days. Sometimes when we have one of those, Mom gets a project and sometimes Mom and the big man go fun places and leave me at home which is not fun for me at all. On this weekend with 3 days, Mom, the big man, the people kid Julie and her man and the people kid Justin and his girl all went to the place where water goes very fast in the river with rocks called Ocoee. Mom and the big man go to this place sometimes and they get in boats and wear jackets and helmets and try to ride very fast in the river with rocks called white water rafting. It is very hard to do and people get hurt and wet all the time when they do it. Mom and the big man think this is very fun but I don't think it is. They went there and left me at home.

Mrs. Baptist and her little people kids came over every day and gave me food and water and they stayed for a minute to pet me and play with me. I like that. But they did not let me in the house and I had to stay outside and run from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us.

Mom and the big man were gone to the day that was Monday. I was asleep in my chair on the porch with the screen around it so the big grey cat cannot get in. I knew something was very wrong because Mom was not happy and she was limping around and whining. I kept asking her what was wrong with her and the big man said that when all the people were in the boat wearing jackets and helmets trying to ride very fast in the river with rocks called white water rafting, the BOAT TURNED OVER. All the people were dumped out in the in the place where water goes very fast in the river with rocks called Ocoee and they could not get back in the boat! The water was going very fast and the people were in the water and they got hit with rocks and it was very bad. Mom has black spots all over that hurt called bruises and she was very afraid in the river where the water goes very fast over the rocks call Ocoee. People had to get other boats and go out in the river with rocks and water going very fast and fish Mom out! I did not like that at all! If Mom gets hurt really bad, who is going to go to Walmart and get me some cat treats? Mom needs to take care of herself.

I was glad to see Mom and the big man and I was trying to make Mom feel better by sitting in her lap and purring while I tried to eat her chicken for supper. We were sitting at our table and the wind outside started blowing very fast and the rain started coming in all our windows. Mom and the big man had to hurry and close the windows. The wind was blowing harder and harder and I did not like it. Stuff started hitting our house and Mom got scared and ran to the closet to hide from the wind. I stayed in the kitchen with the big man in case he needed me to eat the rest of Mom's chicken. But then the big man got scared and ran to the closet with Mom. I got scared because the big man never goes to the closet to hide from the wind so I knew it must be bad. I went to the closet too.

We hid in our closet for a long time until the wind went away. Then we went outside to see what happened. Oh no! Our yard was a big mess with sticks and stuff all over it. Our nice tree fell down on our fence! The wind made it fall down.

And the wind messed up our flowers on our porch and made our rocking chair turn over! It was a mess! All our neighbors had messes in their yards too. Big trees were in our road and all over our neighbor's houses. Our lights went off and would not come back on.

Mom and the big man and all the neighbors had to walk around and see everybody's house and make sure all the people were OK. Mrs. Baptist and her little people kids were worried about me but Mom told them I was fine. I was in the closet hiding from the wind because I did not want the wind to blow me away. That would not be cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-05-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Mom has been gone to the place where there is a lot of sand and water called the beach. She really liked it there because it was very warm and sunny. Mom does not like to be cold and she says it is still cold at our house but me and the big man do not think so. Mom bothers us because she does not turn on the blower at our house that makes it cool called the air conditioner. Mom likes to be very hot and me and big man do not. I don't know what we are going to do about that because it is getting hotter every day and Mom still says it is cold. Maybe she needs to go back to the place where there is a lot of sand and water called the beach and live for a while.

Mom is usually very nice to me and I like to be nice to her too so she will remember to bring me cat treats from Walmart. On the day that was Tuesday, I came in the house very early before it was day time. Mom was trying to sleep on the couch because the big man made loud sleeping noises in the bed and Mom could not sleep there with loud sleeping noises. When I came in, the big man got in the shower and Mom got back in her bed. She said she was very tired because she had to sleep on the couch.

Mom slept until the bird came out of the clock 7 times. Mom never sleeps that long! I knew she must be very tired. Me and Mom had coffee and we watched the news. After that, Me and Mom got in the floor and did stretches called yoga. Mom was grunting and whining about it. I knew she didn't feel very good and I wanted to cheer her up.

So I went outside and found us a lively little chipmunk to play with. I was very careful not to hurt the lively little chipmunk, I brought him in the house by biting his tail. What do you think Mom did when I brought her the lively little chipmunk? She got mad and yelled at me! She never likes stuff I bring her! I'm not bringing her anything else! When I opened my mouth to talk back to her, the lively little chipmunk got away and started running around our living room. Mom just got madder. I told her I would catch the lively little chipmunk, but she was still mad.

And when she gets mad, what is the first thing she does? She yells and then she gets the broom. I am so tired of that broom! I'm going to poo on it! Mom chased the lively little chipmunk all over the living room and kitchen but she could not catch it or hit it with the broom. I was trying to get the lively little chipmunk too but Mom kept hitting me with that stupid broom. I hate that broom. Mom opened all the doors and kept chasing the lively little chipmunk around until she finally swept it out the front door. I was going out after it and what did she do? She hit me again with that stupid broom!

I am going to hide that broom. I do not like that broom at all. I am not bringing Mom any more presents or toys. She does not like anything I bring her. I'm just going to take my naps and mind my own business. Because it is not cool to get hit with a broom and I am a cool cat.

2008-05-13T16:15:00.000-07:00

Me and Mom have problems using the computer and I can't tell my internet cat friends all the stuff I need to tell them. The big man broke his computer and he has to use mine and Mom's computer. This is not good because the big man is always using our computer and we cannot type stuff to our internet cat friends.

Mom packed the big red suitcase and went to the place called Arizona where there is no grass and trees do not have leaves on them but prickly things called cactus. My internet cat friend Frankie lives there with stupid dogs and his Mom and Dad. Frankie's Mom and Mom had fun in the place called Arizona where there is no grass and trees do not have leaves on them but prickly things called cactus. Frankie's Mom and Dad cooked very good food and Mom went over there to pet Frankie and the stupid dogs and ate the very good food. I am mad about that because I want to see Frankie and I know he would share his good food with me. But I did not get to go with Mom.

Frankie's Mom and Mom went on a long walk up the mountain called a hike. They walked for a long time and got very thirsty. Frankie did not get to go on the hike either and he was mad about that too. Stupid dogs can go on long walks up the mountains called hikes but cats cannot. Cats would like to go on long walks up mountains called hikes because there are snakes on mountains and cats love to play with snakes. Frankie's Mom and Mom did not see snakes on the long walk the mountain called a hike but they saw things that look like snakes with legs called lizards. I have not seen a lizard at our house, the big man says we do not have them around here. I would like to go visit Frankie in the place called Arizona where there is no grass and trees have no leaves and prickly things on them called cactus so that I can play with lizards too.

But what was I doing while Mom was having fun with Frankie's mom? Home fighting with the big man! He is always bothering me and I have to bite and scratch him all the time.

Mom came home on the day that was Thursday and she was very busy. It was a special day where all the people kids called Mom and talked nice to her called Mother's Day. It is like her birthday. She got presents and cards. I was mad because nobody took me to Walmart to get Mom a present. I told Mom that I wanted to get her a present and she told me that I would get in trouble if I got her any more presents! She is so mean to me! She does not like my fat birds, nice moles and half dead bleeding squirrels! She didn't even like my frog with the legs ate off!

Mom is going away tomorrow to the place were there is a lot of sand and water called the beach. She is very happy about that because it is hot at the place where there is a lot of sand and water called the beach. The big man says Mom is an amphibian because she is cold all the time except when she goes to very hot places and stays in the sun. I do not know what that means but I will be glad when Mom goes to the place where there is a lot of sand and water called the beach so we can turn the heat off in our house. A cat gets hot when the heat is on in the summer time. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-04-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

Mom and the big man worked very hard at our house for a bunch of days. I knew something really big was going to happen at our house because the big man does not work very hard at our house unless something big is going to happen.

On the day that was Saturday, I was outside for a long time because Mom and the big man were putting more flowers in pots and sweeping our porches to get dead presents off of them. I came in the house when it was dark and our house was fixed up very pretty. We had a bunch of nice people food bowls and pretty flowers all over our house. We had tables in our living room with lots of chairs so I knew a bunch of people would be at our house.

I did not like that because whenever a bunch of people come over, that means the people babies are coming too and well, they get on my nerves. I thought about running away for a day but Mom had bought me new cat treats at Walmart and I did not her to give them to some other cat or the people babies.

On the day that was Sunday, Mom and the big man went to the place where people act nice to each for a few minutes called church. When they came home, they got busy again fixing food. Other people came over to help Mom and the big man fix stuff called helpers. One of the helpers hid my cat bowl! What is wrong with the helper? Cats have to eat or they will starve!

Mr. and Mrs. Cravitz came to our house to be helpers too. I know they like me a lot because they are always talking to me saying things like "get out of here cat" and "go away". There were a bunch of people in our house, but I wanted Mrs. Cravitz to know that she is special, so I rubbed on her leg. She liked it so much she hollered. I guess Mom got jealous because she got mad at me and put me in jail upstairs.

I was listening at the door. I was very mad because I was in jail. Mom and the big man and all the helpers had a party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party. That is not fair! I never get to go to parties! Mom and the big man and the helpers invited a bunch of little old people ladies with no big men called widows to the party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party.

All the people drank hot stuff in cups and ate little foods and laughed and talked and had a very good time. And where was I? Locked upstairs in jail! I could have sat in laps and got lots of petting but Mom is jealous and mean and locked me away! I may have to poo in her new office about that.

When all the little old people ladies with no big men called widows left and went to their own houses, some of the people kid helpers came upstairs and broke me out of jail. They were nice little people kid helpers! But it was too late because all the good little foods were gone. There were no treats left for the cat. The big man was talking about how good the little foods were. Why did the big man get to go to the party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party and I did not?

I am going to run away sometime. This is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-04-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

I know Mom likes me best.

On the day that was Sunday, it was a special day for Mom. It was the day that everybody calls Mom on the telephone and gives her presents called a birthday. Mom had a nice day on the day that was Sunday. The big man took her to the place where other people cooked her lunch and cleaned up the table called a restaurant. Me and Mom worked in our yard that day and planted flowers around because that is what me and Mom like to do. The big man helped Mom by falling asleep in the nice swing in our yard.

The big man took Mom over to her people mom's house for supper and the people kid Justin and his girl were there and Mom's people brother that is mean to cats and some other people Mom likes. They had a big dinner with cake and people treats. I was not invited and that is not fair! Mom wants to spend special days with who she likes best!

All the people at the special dinner got Mom presents for the special day called birthday. When she got home that night she was talking about her nice presents and I was very mad because no one took me to Walmart to get Mom a nice present. I could have got Mom some little fish or something for her special day. But I didn't have anything. I thought about that between naps on the day that was Tuesday. It was nice outside and birds were everywhere so I thought I'd go find Mom a present just from me. I've brought Mom fat birds before and I don't think she liked those. Mom likes chickens and I have hunted everywhere but I can't find chickens to bring home for Mom.

So I went hunting that night. I got something very special for Mom, something I have never got for her before! I knew she would like it because I liked it. I liked it so well that I ate it's legs off before I gave it to Mom. That punk Jesse from down the street says the legs are the best part. I should have saved a leg for Mom because when she came outside and saw my pretty present for her, she screamed. She fussed at me about my pretty present! She did not like it! I worked hard to get that pretty present for her!

I did not know Mom did not pretty frogs without legs for presents. I felt bad about that and decided to get her something else she might like better. I went out that morning and got her a surprise! Something I knew she would like! Mom came downstairs from her new office to eat lunch. She was busy eating lunch and working on her computer when I snuck in the cat hole and came in the back door. I was being very quiet so she would not see me with her surprise.

I walked around the back of the table and went under the table and laid the surprise on her foot. I was so sneaky! She thought I was laying on her foot and she talked sweet to me. I backed up so she could see that it was not me laying on her foot and then she would know it was a surprise. She saw me and then looked at her foot.

She screamed again! She did not like my half dead bleeding squirrel that I caught just for her surprise! I worked so hard to catch that squirrel and I was very careful not to eat its legs off before I gave it to Mom. But did she appreciate my surprise? NO she did not! She jumped up from the table and got the broom and the dust pan and some big gloves. I was trying to guard my half dead bleeding squirrel so it would not run off. Mom hit me with the broom! She is a mean Mom! I'm not getting her any more half dead bleeding squirrels! She tried to sweep her surprise up in the dust pan and it was trying to get away. She fought and wrestled with the squirrel and was saying loud words I am not allowed to say. I decided I better help her so I tried to fight with the half dead bleeding squirrel while Mom was trying to catch it. She hit me again!

Mom wrestled the half dead bleeding squirrel into the dust pan and held it in there with the broom and ran to the back door. The back door was locked and Mom did not have any hands to unlock it with. She had to put the broom down to unlock the door and when she did, I saw the half dead bleeding squirrel try to get away so I jumped up to get it and it fell in the floor and started running. Mom started screaming again she beat my half dead bleeding squirrel with the broom! I was trying to catch it for her and she started beating me with the broom! I was so mad at Mom! I was just trying to help her with her surprise and what does she do? She beats me with the broom!

Mom got the half dead bleeding squirrel out the back door and threw me out with it. Then she locked all the doors and told me I can never come back in the house. That is not fair! She lets the big man come in all the time no matter what he does.

That punk Jesse from down the street heard all the commotion and thought I was being beat up by those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us, so he came down to watch. He told me that it is OK to get presents for people, but people do not like their presents in their houses. Presents like half dead bleeding squirrels can make a mess. I felt bad about making a mess in our nice house, so I decided I better make it up to Mom.

I know she likes nice moles, and they are easy to catch, so I got her one. I did not take it in the house or leave it on the steps like the pretty frog. I put it on top of her car so she could see it and it would not make a mess. She saw the nice mole on top her car and she did not like it! What is wrong with Mom? She does not like any presents I bring her!

I am not going to bring Mom presents any more. She does not appreciate my presents. The next time I catch a pretty frog or a fat bird or something like that, I am going to save it and give it to the people kid Justin and his girl. I bet they would like my presents because they are cool, like me. I am a cool cat.

2008-04-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

I have been very mad at Mom about the computer. My internet cat friends have been very worried about me and one of my internet cat girlfriends, Sammie, is looking for another internet cat boyfriend because she said I am ignoring her. My internet cat friend Ink is very bored because I have not told her stuff on the computer. It is not my fault, I have been trying to use the computer for a month but Mom is always on it and will not let me have it. Well, and I've been busy too.

Last month I knew something big was going to happen at our house because Mom and the big man got all the big suitcases out of the place where we hide things called the attic. They went to place where people buy stuff called Memphis and came back with lots of stuff we don't need like shoes and garbage bags people wear when it rains called panchos. I knew Mom and the big man were going somewhere and with all the stuff they put in the big suitcases, I knew they would be gone a long time. Whenever Mom and the big man are gone for a long time, they take a vacation. I would like to take a vacation too, but I don't know where they hide the vacations so that I can get one. I've looked everywhere but I still can't find a vacation. Mom and the big man must not have many because they only take 1 or 2 a year so whatever vacations are, they don't have a lot of them.

Since I knew that when Mom and the big take a vacation, they are gone for a lot of days and nights, I just talked to Mom about it. I do not like it when they leave me at home by myself. Mom talks to Mrs. Baptist down the street about it and Mrs. Baptist and her two people kids come to our house and give me food and water and sometimes they stay for a minute and pet me. But a cat needs more than that. I told Mom she should let me go live somewhere else where I can get some attention while they are gone for a long time. I know Mom likes me a lot, because she made things better this time. The nice lady that lives in one of our little buildings out back called the guest house came to our garage every day and gave me food and water. Then she let me in the house and gave me cat treats! I napped in favorite spots in the house all day, just like when Mom is home. Then the lady would come over at night and let me out and she would play with me for a long time. That was much better than being locked out of our house!

Anyway, Mom and the big man were gone for a long time. They went on airplanes far away where it is day time at night. They went to a place where it rains a lot and people talk funny called England. They stayed there for a long time and saw a lot of very old things. I thought that was nice of Mom to take the big man to a place where things are older than he is.

The big man says Mom has something called an obsession. I don't know what that is, but he says Mom has it about clocks. I know what a clock is because Mom really likes clocks and we have a bunch of them in our house. We even have one that a bird lives in that I cannot catch called a Cu-coo clock. The big man said that there were too many old things tosee in the place where it rains a lot and people talk funny called England and all mom wanted to do was sit and look at some big clock.

After they stayed in the place were it rains a lot and people talk funny called England, Mom and the big man got on a very fast train that has food called the EuroStar and went the place where people kiss all the time and no one knows what they are saying called Paris. The big man said there were lots of things older than him to see in Paris and he was very glad there were no big clocks there for Mom to sit and stare at for a long time.

Mom and the big man saw lots of very old stuff when they were gone for a long time. Mom will not stop talking about it and I am tired of hearing about it. I have stuff I want to talk about to, but Mom is too busy talking about her stuff to listen to me.

On the night Mom and the big man got back, I was very glad to see them. I came in the house to sleep with them because I knew they missed me very much and wanted me to sleep with them. After they went to sleep, I thought I'd get closer so they would know I was there so I slept on the big man's hiney. It was very warm and comfortable on his hiney and I started purring. Then I made biscuits like cats do so he would know how happy I was. Well. The big man did not like it that I made biscuits on his hiney while he was sleeping! He got mad at me! He got out of the bed, picked me up and threw me out in the garage!

Mom said we are getting back to normal at our house and I am very glad about that. She finally let me use the computer today.

When Mom and the big man got back, Mom was very far behind at her work and had to work a lot. I know that when Mom works she gets money to buy cat treats, so I left her alone because I do not want to run out of cat treats. The big man had to go back to his work too. He does not buy me cat treats so I don't care about his work.

Me and Mom have started talking about all the stuff we are going to do at house. We are going plant nice flowers in my flower beds where I poo and we are going to cook good things to eat outside. It is springtime at our house and Mom is home! That is cool, I like that because I am a cool cat.

2008-02-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

I am very mad at Mom today!

Mom gets up on the day that is Friday and puts paint on her face called makeup and nice clothes called suits and goes to the place where people go out to eat and buy stuff called Memphis. Mom leaves in the middle of the night to go to the place where people go out to eat and buy stuff called Memphis, but she does not go there to go out to eat or buy stuff. She goes there to give people something called speeches and sometimes people give her something called speeches.

I know she wanted to take me to Dr. Smith's hospital and I did not want to go! Dr. Smith lets stupid dogs in his hospital! I do not like stupid dogs! The people kid Julie is coming to our house today. I came in the house and waited by the door so I could see the people kid Julie when she got here so I could tell her that I do not want to go to Dr. Smith's hospital. Then I got tired of waiting and took a nap.

Mom did not go an give people something called speeches today. Somebody in a big truck got stuck on the road and Mom could not get by so she had to come back home. I thought that was OK until Mom went to the place where she hides things called the attic and got the cat cage. I hate the cat cage! I do not want to get in the cat cage!

Mom put me in the cat cage and took me to Dr. Smith's hospital! I do not like Dr. Smith's hospital. Sick cats are at Dr. Smith's hospital and I am not a sick cat! I was so mad when we got to Dr. Smith's hospital. The nice people lady that likes cats a lot took me and Mom to a little room to wait for Dr. Smith. I was so nervous that a bunch of my hair fell out. Mom got mad about that because the hair fell on her and she still had on her nice clothes called suits. I tried to get away but the door was shut and I could not reach the knob.

I will not tell you all the things Dr. Smith did to me at his hospital but I will tell you that I do not like Dr. Smith any more. He put lights in my ears and my mouth and made me little rocks called medicine. He stuck me with needles and did some other stuff and now I can't sit down good. At least Mom did not leave me at Dr. Smith's hospital this time! I do not want to stay there with stupid dogs bothering me and sick cats making me sick.

I am so mad at Mom about this. She tricked me and came home early and took me to Dr. Smith's hospital. That is not cool, Mom is not cool either. I'm waiting for the people kid Julie to get here so I can tattle on Mom. The people kid Julie is cool, like me. I am a cool cat.

2008-02-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

I have been in trouble with Mom and I got grounded off the computer. I'm not sure what that means, but Mom would not let me type on the computer for a long time. Mom got very mad at me one day when she was putting her clothes in the big red suitcase to go away on an airplane to the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta. I was napping in her closet, but she did not know. Mom's closet gets very messy and she had so much stuff laying around that she did not see me hiding on the shelf.

I thought it was funny that Mom did not see me so I waited until she bent over to get her shoes and then I jumped and slapped her head. Mom got scared and jumped up and bumped her head! Then she was mad at me! She told me I could not use the computer any more! She said I was grounded! I don't know what that means!

Mom has been going away on airplanes a lot lately. She has been to the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta and to the place where she walked with no shoes on the sand called Florida. Then she went to a place that was very cold with lots of snow called Ohio. Mom stayed home for a long time after Santa Claus came and now she goes away all the time.

She leaves me at home with the big man like always. The big man still takes good care of me because Mom will get mad at him if he does not. Me and the big man like to watch the boys on television run around the floor bouncing the ball called basketball. The big man gets all worked up about the boys on television running around the floor and bouncing the ball called basketball. He yells at the boys on the television and I just laugh at the big man because I know the boys on the television cannot hear him because there are too many other people screaming at them on the television with them.

I have a lot of stuff to tell you and I will tell you later. I have to go take another nap. I do not feel good, Mom says I have a cold and she keeps talking about taking me to Dr. Smith's hospital. The people kid Julie is coming to our house tomorrow and I am going to talk to her about that. The people kid Julie will tell Mom that I do not want to go Dr. Smith's hospital, that is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-01-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

Everything was just fine last week. Mom went away on an airplane to the place where Ink lives called North Carolina. The big man gave me food and cat treats because Mom told him to. Me and the big man made it just fine. Mom got home on the day that was Thursday and I was glad to see her. She has not be gone away on airplanes in a long time. On the day that was Friday, Mom did not get up when it was still night and go to the place where she gives people things called speeches. She goes there every day that is Friday and she goes very early. I should have known that there would be a problem about that.

Mom got in the car and went away just before supper time. I didn't worry about that too much because sometimes Mom and the big man go somewhere else where other people cook their dinner called a restuarant. It was getting late when Mom came back and the big man was right behind her. And guess what they had? Yep. People babies. All three of them.

Oh I am so mad about that! Why can't those people babies stay at their own houses with their Moms? They always come to our house and bother me and bother our nice stuff and Mom just thinks they are so cute and they are not! As soon as they came in the door they were yelling at me and trying to get me! I don't like people babies! They ran and screamed in our house. They got all the people baby toys out of the closet and put them all over our floors. They got in Mom's closet where she keeps the people food called the pantry and bothered Mom's food! When Mom finally made them go to bed, Black Hair Boy cried and screamed for a long time because he did not want to go to sleep. I was so tired.

They messed up our house with all their people baby stuff! They pulled a bed out of my new couch to sleep on it and I could not take a nap on it. Everywhere I walked there were people baby toys. They stayed for 2 days and 2 nights. The big man must not like people babies either because he went to work on the day that was Saturday and the day that was Sunday. He left me and Mom at home with all those people babies and their big mess.

On the day that was Sunday, Mom got up very early to get all the people babies ready to go the place where people dress nice and act nice to each other for a few minutes called church. She had to stuff very fast to get everybody ready.

This was good for me because Mom was too busy to clean up the food from breakfast. Black Hair Boy threw his little round people foods called froot loops in our floor and Mom just left them. I would have cleaned them up, but cats do not like froot loops and I could not find our broom. Red Head Boy did not eat his turkey and Mom left it on the people baby table. I decided that I could help her clean that up so I did.

When the place where people dress nice and act nice to each other for a few minutes called church was over, Mom and the big man took all the people babies to the place where other people cook your lunch called McDonald's. This place has a big playground in it where the people babies ran around and acted silly for a while. When Mom got them home, they were all sleepy so they laid down and took a nap. I was very glad about that because when people babies are sleeping, they do not bother me.

When the people babies woke up from their long naps, Mom loaded them and all their people baby stuff in our car and took them back to their own houses with their own Moms. I was very glad about that. I was so tired and worn out that I just went right to sleep on my new couch. I slept all the rest of the day and the night because I was so tired from people babies. People babies are not cool. Naps are cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-01-20T12:26:00.000-08:00

It has been very strange at our house this week.

Mom was supposed to go away to work this week, but she went to the people doctor instead. He told her she could not go away to work because she had to go to the people hospital to get stuck with needles and eat little rocks called medicine. So she stayed home and did not go away to work but went to the people hospital on the day that was Wednesday but she did not stay very long.

Mom said she was not sick, she just had to have tests. I do not know what tests are, but the big man has to take them to the place where he writes numbers on paper called college. I guess the big man was getting too smart for Mom so she went to have some tests too. The next time she takes me to Dr. Smith's hospital, I'm going to see about getting me some tests too.

I am pretty sure the people babies made Mom sick. People babies are always bad news.

When Mom got home from the people hospital, she took a very long nap. While she was taking a nap, I heard someone come in our kitchen. A man can in our kitchen and took all the doors off our nice cabinets! I am so mad! People are not supposed to come in your house and steal the doors off your nice cabinets while your Mom is napping! I hissed at the people about stealing the doors off our nice cabinets.

I must have scared the people because instead of taking the doors from our nice cabinets away, they left them in our garage. I was very mad about that! I knew Mom would wake up and notice that we had no doors on our nice cabinets and she would be very mad about that. Then she would think I took the doors off the nice cabinets because I was the only one at home. That is not fair! I always get in trouble for stuff!

I am not happy about our cabinet doors. I like to hide in our cabinets when Mom forgets to close the doors. But now, it is not fun because I cannot sneak in the doors and I cannot hide there. Everyone can see in the cabinets and they can see where I am.

Every time our house is different, the people neighbor Mom calls Mrs. Cravitz comes to our house and says she has a nose problem. So Mrs. Cravitz came knocking on our door and Mom let her in. Mrs. Cravitz asked Mom why our nice cabinets have no doors. Mom told Mrs. Cravitz that a nice people name called Juan is painting our cabinets and their doors to make them look pretty. Mrs. Cravitz was all worked up about that and said she wanted the nice people called Juan to come and steal her cabinet doors and paint them too.

Mom never tells me anything. I was so worried that I was going to get in trouble about the people stealing the doors off our nice cabinets. I was guarding our cabinets so the people would not steal the nice stuff out of cabinets because I did not know. Sometimes Mom gets on my nerves because she does not tell a cat what a cat needs to know. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-01-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am very glad the big man's big parties are over. I am tired of people and people babies being in our house.

On the day that was Saturday, the people kid Justin and his girl came to our house. I put my tie on so the people kid Justin could see what a handsome cat I am and that I should come to his big party with his girl and have fun called a wedding. The people kid Justin's girl thought I was a handsome cat and told the people kid Justin that I should be very important at his big party and stand in the very front called a groomsman. I don't know what that is, but if it gets me into the party with his girl to have fun called a wedding, then I will do it. Me and the people kid Justin talked about that for a while and he said he would think about it. I will always wear my nice tie when he comes over so he will know that I want to come to his party and have fun called a wedding.

Mom cooked too much food on that day, and you know what that means. When she cooks too much food, a bunch of people show up at our house. This time, because it was a big party for the big man, more people and people babies than ever came to our house. People were laughing and having fun and it was crowded so I ran to Mom's room to stay out of the way.

There were too many people here to eat. Mom let the people babies eat first and then she brought the people babies back to her room, threw all the people baby toys in there and shut the door! She locked me in the room with too many people babies! I did not like that! I was trying to nap! There was a big people kid called a babysitter who stayed in the bedroom with all the people babies and me. The big people kid called the babysitter said there was one babysitter, seven people babies and one cat in the bedroom. That is not fair! One cat cannot fight off seven people babies!

I kept trying to run out the door but the big people kid called the babysitter made me come back. She was a mean babysitter! I had to stay locked in there for a long time and I did not get to see the big man's big party.

The big man got a bunch of presents. I don't know why people brought him presents! He didn't do anything! I was the one locked in the bedroom with seven people babies! I should have presents!

The big man took some of the people kids out to the garage to play with his Christmas present where people hit little balls at each other with paddles called ping pong. They played for a long time and they were yelling and hollering about the Christmas present. All the people stayed for a long time. It was almost bedtime before they let me out of the bedroom with seven people babies.

I stayed outside all night and all the next day. I was very mad about the big man's big parties and getting locked up with seven people babies. When I finally came in the house to see Mom, I was so tired I had to take three naps. People babies are not cool. Naps are very cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-01-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

I know I am a very cool cat! Now I am a very famous cool cat. My internet cat friend Lucy who is very smart and lives in the place where two cities look alike called Minnesota, thinks I am a very cool handsome cat. She told other cats and now my picture is on the internet and I am a famous cool cat. Look at me:
http://mine.icanhascheezburger.com/View.aspx?ImTooSexayF128445556588281250.jpg.

Lucy knows I am handsome. I just wish I was smart like Lucy so I would know what it means to be spayed like her. Maybe I should tell Mom that I need to be spayed so I can be very smart and write numbers on paper as good as Lucy does.

I was in the house with Mom yesterday, being all handsome and famous. Mom was working very fast and making lots of food to put on our nice dining room table. She moved all our chairs to the living room. I tried to just ignore her because she was making me tired with all her work. Then people started coming over. A bunch of people. No people kids or people babies, just people. After a while, our house was full of people and they were eating food and laughing and talking and being very nice to the big man. I thought all the people came over because now I am a famous cat and maybe they wanted to make a picture with me. But no! Mom said this was a party for the big man.

I walked around meowing at the people. That is not fair that I am the famous cat and people are talking about the big man! They are supposed to talk about me! The big man is not famous or cool! I jumped up in some laps to tell people that I am famous but no one would listen, everyone was too busy eating food and laughing. I was so mad! I had my tie on everything!

The people stayed until bedtime. Mom had to clean up stuff and since I was mad about the people not talking about me because I am famous, I just took a nap and did not help Mom. She needs to have a party for me! What does a cat have to do around here to get some attention?

Mom said tonight all the people family and all the people babies are coming to our house. Maybe the are coming over to see me because I am a famous cat. I bet that's why! Mom was going to surprise me with a big party tonight. She is only saying it is for the big man so I will be surprised! Mom is so cool and that is good to have a cool Mom because I am a cool cat!

2008-01-09T18:05:00.000-08:00

I have been talking to my internet cat friends a lot about stuff. I am still very mad that I cannot go to the people kid Justin and his girl's big party. It is not for a long time, but it is so big that everybody talks about it already.

I stayed in the house for a long time yesterday because the wind was blowing very hard and light was flashing and it was very loud called thunder. It was raining very hard and cats do not like to get wet so I just stayed in the house. I played outside all day today until the big man came home from work. I was tired so I went straight to our new couch to take a nap.

Mom came and told me I had a present! It came in the mail! I like presents that come in the mail! I opened the card and it was from my internet cat friend, Sammie, who lives int he place where very important liars live called Washington DC. I like Sammie a lot and I would marry her but then Ink and Lucy would get mad about that. Lucy, my internet cat friend who is very smart and lives in the place where two cities look alike said we could all get married together and live in the same house called Mormons. I think that would be OK and I will talk to Sammie and Ink about that later.

Sammie knows I want to go the people kid Justin and his girl's big party so Sammie sent me a tie to wear. She said that when cats go to big parties like that, they have to dress nice. I don't know about that stuff, but Sammie is a girl cat and girl cats always know how to make boy cats look nice. Maybe Sammie should come talk to the big man about looking nice.

Mom helped me try my tie on and we think I am a very handsome cat. I am going to text my picture being very handsome to the people kid Justin so he will know that I have a tie to wear to his big party with his girl.

I really like my tie from my internet cat, Sammie. She is so cool and just the kind of girl cat I like. Meow...because I am cool cat.

2008-01-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

I am a sleepy cat. I cannot take my naps around here any more. I like to sleep in Mom's bed during the day because it is nice and warm. Mom is always upstairs in her new office so she is not making noise, but every time I fall asleep for my nap, something wakes me up. Every day it wakes me up and I am very mad about it. I told Mom she should do something about it because when I am a tired cat, I am a mean cat.

The problem we have that makes noise and wakes me up is called wind chimes. We have had the things that make noise called wind chimes for a long time. They hang on our nice front porch on the side where Mom's bedroom is. The things that make noise called wind chimes have not bothered me before. But now they bother me every day and at night too.

The wind blows all the time now and it blows very hard and when it does the things that make noise called wind chimes bother me. They are very loud and they wake me up. Mom said she doesn't care about the things that make noise called the wind chimes, but she does care about the wind that blows all the time. She says when the wind blows all the time she has to do more work because she has to pick up sticks out of our yard when the wind blows.

Mom has been very busy lately. She makes me even more tired. She has been cleaning up our house and our room upstairs where she hides stuff called the attic. She bought some pretty stuf for our new dining room and we have new flowers around our house. Every day when she is done working in her new office, she does work in our house.

Mom keeps our house very neat and me and the big man like that. We do not like a messy house. She works some in our house to keep is neat but now she works all the time. I asked Mom why she was working so hard in our house and she said we are having a big party. I like parties! I want a party! But Mom said the party was not for me. It is for the big man.

I get so tired of the big man. He always gets presents and parties and I don't get anything! That is not fair! Mom likes me better, but the big man gets the parties and presents! I am going to poo in his shoes. Maybe he can have a nice party cleaning them out.

Anyway, Mom said the big man is having a big birthday this week so we are having a big party for him. All the people kids and all the people babies will be here. Mom and the big man's people moms and dads will be here and all the other people cousins. When the people cousins come over, they bring more people babies. Mom said there will be 10 people babies at our house for the party. I am so mad about that! What am I going to do with all those people babies in my house?

I don't see why we have to have a party about the big man's big birthday. Mom is always doing special stuff for the big man. He has parties when it is the day for father's. He has a party when it is the day people act like they love each other called Valentine's day. That is enough parties for the the big man! I want a party! When is the day for cats called Cat Day?

I told Mom I am tired of all the fuss over the big man. I want a party! If Mom will not give me a party, I am going to invite all my internet cat friends to come to our house and that big gray cat and that punk Jesse from down the street and we are going to have our own party. We will bite and scratch all the people and poo in all the flower beds and bring fat birds in the house. We will have stuff that makes us happy called cat nip and we will play with baby squirrels. Because cats need parties because parties are cool and I am a cool cat.

2008-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

I have been a good cat but I could not use the computer. When the big man is home, he bothers me and will not let me use the computer. He has been home for a long time with something called a vacation. I think the people at his work just got tired of him and told him not to come back for a while so he had to stay home and bother me. He is back at work now and I am a happy cat because now I can show you what Santa Claus brought me.

I had a nice big pretty sack under the pretty tree with blue lights on it! It had my name on it so the big man could not have it. I was very happy about my sack from Santa Claus.

I had to be careful about the stuff in my sack because my stuff was so good I just knew one of the people like the big man would try to get it. I got cat treats! I got cat toys! I am a good cat!

I got a little mouse that tastes really good when I chew on it. The more I chew on it, the happier I get. I chew on it a lot. Mom says it has something in it that makes cats run around and be crazy called cat nip. I really like my cat nip mouse.

My most favorite cat toy is my little monkey. I let my little monkey take naps with me and I like to fight with it sometimes.

Mom got some stuff from Santa Claus too. She got chairs for me to sit in and some nice sleeping clothes for me to nap on. Me and Mom had fun playing last week because she did not have to go up to her new office and work. We rolled around on the floor and did stretches called yoga a lot.

Mom and the big man are very happy about some stuff but I am not happy about some stuff. Mom and the big man told me we are getting two new people babies this year! I am so mad about that! We have enough people babies! What are we going to do with two more? Cats do not write numbers on paper very good, but I talked to my internet cat friend, Lucy, who is very smart and lives in the place where two cities look alike called Minnesota and Lucy said if we already have 3 people babies and we get 2 more, we will have 5 people babies. That is too many! I told Mom if we are going to get 2 new ones, we need to give away 2 of the old ones.

Mom and the big man told me that the people kid Justin and his girl are going to have a big party and when they are done with their big party they are going to be all happy and smiling called married. All the people and all the people babies will go to the people kid Justin and his girl's party but I will not get to go! That makes me very mad because the people kid Justin likes me a lot and I know he wants me to come to his big party with his girl. I am going to send him a text message and talk to him about it.

But now I have to be a good cat because Mom said if cats act bad after Santa Claus brings them nice cat toys and treats that he will come back and take them away! I don't want him to do that! I like my cat toys and treats and I want to keep them because I am a cool cat.

2007-12-24T12:06:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the night! Santa Claus comes!

We've been very busy having Christmas at our house. On the night that was Friday, me, Mom and the big man got all the presents and all the pretty paper out and we sat in the living room and put the pretty paper on the presents. I helped by clawing the pretty paper and biting the big man. Our table in the big eating room has the people dishes on it and we are just waiting for Mom to put good food in it so we can eat. I do not want to miss out on good food, so I try to be at the table whenever I hear Mom in the kitchen.

We have lots of nice presents under both of our trees. I have been waiting for Mom to put a present under the tree with my name on but she has not done that. At least I don't think she has but I'm not sure because I can't read.

On the day that was Saturday, Mom and the big man got up early and Mom cooked lots of food. I know what happens when Mom cooks a lot of food, too many people come over to eat. Sure enough, all the people kids started coming over and wouldn't you know it, they brought those people babies with them! We have had enough of those people babies! They messed up our nice house last week! Can't they stay home?

Mom and the big man and all the people kids and people babies had presents to open. The people babies got a bunch of new toys and what did I get? Nothing. Why do the people babies get everything? I am a good cat and I want some presents too.

On the day that was Sunday Mom and the big man went to visit people and came back at bedtime. They told me that just one more night and Santa Claus would come. That is tonight! I am going to nap in the house tonight so I can see Santa Claus! I know he is going to bring me presents because I am a cool cat.

2007-12-18T12:08:00.000-08:00

Mom and I got busy last night putting pretty paper on Christmas presents. Mom says we are having a big Christmas dinner at our house on the day that will be Saturday. All the people kids and people babies will be here and we are going to have presents! I am very happy about that because I like presents! And there are only 7 more days until Santa Claus comes!

There is a little problem though. Mom said she was going to take me to Dr. Smith's hospital because she says I am not acting right. She does not like it that I nap so much and that my meow does not sound like it used to. She says I eat too much food now. I told her I am a cold, tired, hungry cat and I am not sick. Then she says I am too mean, I scratched a people baby and last night when me and the big man were fighting, I bit him very hard and made him say loud words and bleed. Mom says I do not usually fight like that.

I did not mean to bite the big man so hard, but he had on a very thick sleeve called a sweat shirt and I didn't know how far to bite. If the big man would wait until he takes his big shirts off to fight with me, I would know how hard to bite. But now Mom thinks something is wrong with me and she wants me to go to Dr. Smith's hospital.

I do not like Dr. Smith's hospital! They shave my leg! They stick me with pins! They make me eat rocks called medicine and they have stupid dogs there. That is no place for a cat when Santa Claus is on his way. She said she would wait and see how I act for a while but that she is going to take me there soon. I do not like that and I am telling Santa Claus that she is bad. Dr. Smith's hospital is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

I am a tired cat. All of the people babies came to our house and we have had a hard weekend. Black Hair Girl, Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy were all here. They ran around and hollered a lot. They jumped on our nice bed that hides in our new couch. They jumped on Mom's bed, they bothered our pretty trees and broke balls on them. Our house was loud and noisy the whole time and it made me nervous.

They make our house very messy. On the day that was Saturday when the big man was at work and me and Mom were home by ourselves with all the people babies, they turned over all the chairs in our kitchen and made something called a fort under our table. Then they ran to the bedroom and ran to the living room and laughed and hollered. Black Hair Boy likes to shut doors and Mom gets very mad about that. One time he shut the door in the bathroom and locked it, and he was trapped in our bathroom! Mom could not get him out! She was knocking on the door and trying to break the door with a toothpick. I told Mom that little toothpicks are not going to break doors! But she would not listen about that. She got tools out of the big man's tool box and tried to open the door and nothing worked. Black Hair Boy was getting into stuff in our bathroom and I did not like that because my big water bowl is in there and I did not want the people baby to mess it up.

Mom had to call the neighbor, Mr. Cravitz, to come get the people baby out of the bathroom. Mr. Cravitz had to get out in the rain and come to our house with a little screwdriver to get the door open. Mom was very mad at Black Hair Boy and she whooped him because he locked the door and was trapped. Black Hair Boy cried and wanted to go home with Mr. Cravitz and I told Mom to let him go, we had enough people babies at our house and we would not miss one. But Mom made Black Hair Boy stay and he cried for a long time.

Black Hair Girl followed me around all the time and tried to pet me when I was napping. I was trying to play with her and she got in the way and I didn't mean to but I scratched her just a little bit. Black Hair Girl is a tattle tail! She started crying and ran to Mom and said "Monkey scwratch me." Mom got very mad at me about that. She said I cannot bite and scratch the people babies and she will put me outside if I am mean to the people babies. Then she told me she would tell Santa Claus!

The people babies have so much stuff when they come to our house. Not only do they mess up our stuff, but they bring messy stuff to our house and it is everywhere! How is a cat supposed to get a nap with stuff all over the floor?

And Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy still poo in their pants and they smell so bad! Mom will not let me poo in the house but she lets those people babies poo in the house and she has to clean it up. That is not fair! If they can poo in the house, I should be able to poo in the house too.

Two of the people babies went away on Saturday but Red Head Boy stayed until the day that was Sunday. On Saturday night, Mom's people mom and dad and the big man's people mom and dad came over to our house and the people kid Justin and his girl came too. The big man cooked us steaks and all the people brought the people babies Christmas presents. I am very mad about that because no one brought me any presents! I have been around longer than the people babies and I am much nicer than they are! Why can't I have presents too?

Mom put all the chairs around the big table in the dining room so we could all eat steaks. But when I jumped in a chair, I got in trouble! Mom made me go outside! That is not fair! I was hungry too and they let Red Head Boy eat steak! I do not like those people babies.

Mom finally took Red Head Boy home on Sunday. I was just worn out from having them here for so long. I had to take a bunch of naps because I was so tired of people babies. Mom says we are not having company again until the next day that will be Saturday so I need to get a lot of naps so I can be ready. The only company I want to see is Santa Claus. Because he is cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-13T17:31:00.000-08:00

I need some help. People babies are here! Help!

Mom went somewhere today and when she came back she had Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy. Only 12 days until Santa Claus comes and I am trying to be a very very good cat and I have people babies here to bother me.

They are bothering are nice Christmas stuff and I had to run up in one of our nice trees to get away from them. I have to run away outside right now because Black Hair Boy is pulling my tail. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-12T06:58:00.000-08:00

Only 13 days until Santa Claus comes. I am still waiting. I have been doing very good things so Santa Claus can see that I am a good cat. I have been very nice to Mom, I stay beside her all the time and purr. Instead of taking naps all day, I climb on her desk and help her type on her computer and I keep a check on her club soda for her. She is not being nice back to me because she shoo's me off her desk, but that is OK. If she wants to be mean and not get any toys and treats from Santa Claus, that is her problem.

Speaking of problems, me and the big man got in a fight yesterday and I am very mad at the big man! I was trying to be good yesterday after lunch. I was napping under the pretty tree in the living room and I heard some noises in Mom's sleeping room. I went back there to see what the noise was and I found a baby squirrel in Mom's sleeping room! Baby squirrels are not supposed to be in our house! I chased the baby squirrel and I caught it for Mom. It was a fun baby squirrel, so I was playing with it just a little bit when I brought it to the kitchen for Mom to see.

Mom got all worked up and said to get that baby squirrel out of the house. I was going to but I was playing with it first. Mom got the broom and started hitting me and the baby squirrel! She is a mean Mom! She was trying to sweep my baby squirrel out the door! That is my baby squirrel, I'll take it outside! I was hissing at Mom and her broom and she was hitting and chasing my baby squirrel all over the kitchen. I was trying to get my baby squirrel before Mom hurt it bad and it couldn't play.

Mom chased the baby squirrel into the little bathroom with my big water bowl by the kitchen. It hid behind the garbage can and I was trying to get it. It ran out and climbed on the sink and I jumped up to get it. Mom was still hitting it with the broom and the little bathroom is little so she was hitting the walls and everything in the bathroom. Finally she gave up and shut the door with me and the baby squirrel still in the little bathroom. I thought that was very nice of her. I got to play with my baby squirrel in that little bathroom and it could not run away.

Then the big man got home. Mom told the big man that all the stuff in the little bathroom by the kitchen was his problem. I think she got that backwards as the big man is a problem. The big man put on gloves and came in the bathroom. He tried to kick me out of the bathroom and I did not want to get kicked out of the bathroom. I was hissing and scratching him and he was saying loud words I am not allowed to say. Me and him fought for a long time and he kicked me out of the little bathroom! I am so mad at the big man! He was trying to steal my baby squirrel!

I could hear the big man playing with my baby squirrel so I scratched and meowed at the door so he would let me back in. He would not. He is a very mean big man! He caught my baby squirrel in the garbage can and took it outside. I followed him so I could get my baby squirrel back. But what did he do? He shoo'ed me away and let my baby squirrel go and it ran away.

The big man is always trying to get my food and playmates. I worked hard to catch that baby squirrel and it was mine and the big man took it away from me. I do not like the big man. I know Santa Claus saw the big man being mean. I know the big man is not going to get any toys and treats because he is a bad big man. I did not come back in the house last night until very late and I ignored the big man and just played with Mom.

I am going to get lots of toys and cat treats from Santa because I have been very good and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for Santa Claus. I have been a good cat but Mom has not been a good Mom so I know Santa Claus is not going to bring her toys and treats. On the day that was Friday, Mom left very early to go a meeting where she talks to people and gives them things call speeches. When she got home, she was very busy in her office and in the kitchen and she packed a suitcase. She was making me tired with all her packing and going up and down our stairs so I went outside after lunch. I was prowling around outside for a long time and when I came back home after it was dark, Mom and the big man did not come home. They ran off and left me at home! I was so mad! Mrs. Baptist and her nice people kids came to our house and gave me food and cat treats and said Mom and the big man went to place where the people kid Julie and her man live where a lot of people sing sad songs about dogs and their mommas called Nashville. I was so mad! I want to go to the people kid Julie's house! She has cats! I am a cat! I can go too!

Well. When Mom and the big man were in the place where a lot of people sing sad songs about dogs and their mommas called Nashville, the people kid Justin went there too with his girl and all of them had a family weekend. I am family! I am the cat! I want to go on family weekend! I am so mad at Mom!

While Mom and the big man and the people kids were having their family weekend, they went to a very big place with lots of pretty Christmas lights everywhere called the Opryland Hotel. They walked around with other people and saw pretty Christmas stuff. And what was I doing? I had to stay under the little house in the back called the shed to stay out of the rain.

After they walked around the big place with lots of pretty Christmas stuff and lights called Opryland Hotel, they went to see the Grinch! I love the Grinch! I want to see the Grinch! But what was I doing? I was running from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us in the rain! Oh, I am so mad at Mom!

After they went to see the Grinch, they went to a place where people men chased each other on ice and tried to hit a flat ball with a stick called hockey. They laughed and yelled and had a good time! And what was I doing? Sleeping in a wet tree to stay away from the stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us! I am telling Santa Claus as soon as I can find his phone number.

Mom should not leave me at home on family weekend. That is not fair. The people kid Julie has cats and they are nice cats. I could visit them while the people are off seeing lights and the Grinch and people men chasing each other on ice and trying to hit a flat ball with a stick called hockey. I was very mad on the day that was Sunday and I decided to run away. So I did.
I did not come home on Sunday even though Mom was calling me. On the day that was Monday, Mom was out walking before the sun came up and I saw her so I decided I better go home because I told Santa Claus to bring my toys and cat treats to Mom's house and I didn't want him to think I didn't live there and give my toys and cat treats to some other cat.
Mom saw me coming out of that punk Jesse's garage. She started laughing at me about that punk Jesse. I still don't like him, but sometimes cats have to stick together. There are stupid dogs that chase cats and there is an annoying puppy that bothers us too. Me and that punk Jesse decided that we should stick together for a little bit so we can beat the stupid dogs and we don't want Santa Claus to see us fighting. So I was hanging out with that punk Jesse while Mom was gone but that does not mean I like him.
But I do like his Mom because she gave me cat treats. She is cool and I'll stay at their house again if Mom runs off and leaves me home on family weekend. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-12-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

We only have 19 more days and nights and Santa Claus will come to our house. I am still waiting for him and I am being a good cat. Mom fussed at me today because I ate one of her rubber bands and she said cats are not supposed to eat rubber bands and I will be in trouble with Santa Claus. I already told Santa Claus to bring me some rubber bands to eat so he knows.

I have been chatting with my internet cat friends when Mom is not looking, but please don't tell her because she says cats should not chat on the internet, they can only email.

My internet cat friend Lucy, who is very smart and lives far away where two cities look alike called Minnesota already has a present and now me, Ink and Sammie want one too. We emailed Santa Claus and told him to bring us this.

Lucy really likes it. She says she can just stand there and have this for a long time. We have a problem because we don't know what it is called so we told Santa to bring us the nice thing that makes Lucy feel good. Lucy said the bad part is that the thing only works if a people is holding it. That is not a problem for Ink, because her dad is home from the place where people are mad and fighting with each called Iraq and he has all day to play with the thing with Ink. Sammie said that her people go to work every day but they come home and there are little people kids that might help her with the thing that makes her feel good.

I already know that I'm going to have a problem with the nice thing that makes Lucy feel good. If Santa Claus brings me one, that means I have to be nice to the big man. Mom will go away on airplanes again after Santa Claus comes and leave me here with the big man. Me and the big man fight all the time so I will have to stop biting and scratching him and be nice so he will work my new thing. I don't like being nice to the big man because, well, he is the big man. But I will have to because I want to feel good like Lucy. She looks too cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

We are still waiting for Santa Claus. Mom says we have 20 more days and nights and that is a long time to wait. But I will wait.

We have all of our pretty Christmas stuff on our house. We have some pretty Christmas stuff on our fence and our mailbox too. Mom went out last night and put pretty lights on the little building in the back that Mr. Cravitz says is redneck called the outhouse.

The big man got all worked up about the lights and asked Mom if she was ever going to get through putting pretty Christmas stuff on our house. I told the big man if he would help Mom, she would already be through. But no, he has to work on his computer and write numbers on paper for the place he goes called college.

Mom has pretty stuff in our house too. Mom's favorite pretty Christmas stuff are her nice dishes we only use on Christmas called china. I asked Mom if cats had special pretty Christmas dishes called china to eat cat treats out of and she said no. Maybe if I'm a good cat, she'll let me eat off her pretty dishes called china on the day Santa Claus comes.

Santa needs to hurry up. I am ready for him to come and bring me cat toys and treats. That would be cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-12-03T17:16:00.000-08:00

I am still waiting for Santa Claus.

We had a nice weekend at our house. Mom and the big man got up on the day that was Saturday very early and put on white shoes with laces and caps to run away. They walked around our neighborhood first and I walked with them, but I do not like to run away so when they did that, I came in the house.

They left and went to the place where there are a bunch of stores to buy pretty stuff called Memphis. They said they had to buy pretty stuff for people called Christmas presents. I hope they remembered to get pretty for cats called Christmas presents too.

They came home with lots of sacks, bags and boxes with pretty stuff in them called Christmas presents. I helped them by attacking the sacks and slapping the pretty stuff. Then the big man shooed me away. He is no fun at all.

Mom has been at home for a bunch of days and nights and has not gone away on airplanes. I think that is very nice because she cooks dinner for me and the big man and she helps with my chores.

I having problems with the trees in the house, though. Every time I climb a tree, I get sprayed with water and I have to jump out very fast. I did not know the trees in the house had water squirters to get cats with! I am mad about that because I like to climb trees in the house. The big man gets all worked about me climbing the trees, he says I will knock the tree down. Maybe I should just climb him and see what happens.

I hope Santa Claus hurries up. I have been a good cat and I will get lots of presents! Santa Claus is cool, like me. I am a cool cat.

2007-11-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

Mom finally stopped being mad at me and let me sleep in the house again. I am very glad about that because it is cold outside. I don't mind it when I am prowling at night, but when I am trying to nap, I like a nice warm house.

Mom left the people baby bed in her bedroom for me to sleep in and I like that. I have been taking a bunch of naps in the people baby bed and on our new couch. We have been working hard to get our house fixed for Santa Claus. We have three trees we put in the house and now we have two of them ready for Santa Claus. Mom works very hard every night to get our house ready.

Last night she was working very hard and got tired. She told the big man she wanted to do something called take a break and sit on the couch. Mom and the big man fixed uppity drinks called club soda and sat down on the couch to watch TV. Mom and the big man never watch TV. I didn't even know the TV in the living room worked! Me and Mom listen to the TV in the bedroom in the mornings when she is getting ready to go to her new office and I am drinking out my big water bowl.

I was bored watching TV so I decided to go out early last night. The stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us were out running around and they were bothering me. They chased me to our porch and I just jumped up on the rail where they could not get me and called them names. They do not like for me to call them names because they are stupid dogs. They were all mad about me calling them names and they started barking and jumping. I was laughing at them because they were still stupid dogs.

I guess the stupid dogs barked so loud they bothered Mom because she came out the front door and started yelling at the stupid dogs and they got all nervous and started barking and running and I didn't know what was happening so I jumped off the rail so I could run in the house and when I did, I accidently jumped in front of one of the stupid dogs and he tried to get me. I had to bite and scratch and hiss at him and Mom got all worked up about me fighting with stupid dogs on our front porch. She yelled louder and the stupid dogs ran really fast to get away from her and I went in the house. The big man was laughing at me because I got in a fight with stupid dogs on our front porch. If I had not been so tired, I would have fought with him too.

I stayed in for a while and then went out prowling like I always do. Stupid dogs are not going to stop me from being a cat. This morning I came in to nap. I like our house when it is ready for Santa Claus. I want him to come now. I am waiting for him under one of our trees. I have been calling him and calling him to hurry up and come. I like Santa Claus. He is cool like me, I am a cool cat.

2007-11-28T10:06:00.000-08:00

On the day that was Sunday, Mom got the trees out of the place where she hides things called the attic. The trees were in big boxes and me and Mom had to work hard to get the boxes in the house and start getting the trees out of them. Me and Mom put up two trees, one in the living room by our new couch and one in the room where people are supposed to eat but Mom and the big man never do called the dining room.

Me and Mom got the trees out of the boxes but we did not put lights and balls on them for me to play with. Mom waited because the people kid Justin and his girl came over to eat good food and after they ate, we all put the balls and lights on the tree in the dining room together.

I was so happy to have the trees in the house! I was climbing the trees and attacking Mom when she put her hand on them. Mom got mad about it and sprayed me with the water bottle. I did not like that! She told me I had to stay out of the trees this year! Those are my inside trees! No one else wants to play with them!

Mom is still working very hard to get all our pretty Christmas stuff out because we like Christmas. All the people kids come over and that is OK except they bring those people babies with them sometimes. Santa Claus brings me toys and cat treats, too.

I thought everything was just fine at our house but on the day that was Tuesday, it was not. Mom had to leave early to go a place where she talked to people about important stuff called a meeting. I was in the house because I always stay in the house for my naps in the day time. While Mom was gone, my tummy hurt. I think the people babies made me sick. When Mom got home, I was telling her that I did not feel good. She told me to go outside and I did not want to. She went up to her new office to work and I decided I really needed to go outside to poo because the people babies made me sick.

I went upstairs to tell Mom to let me out, but she was talking to important people on the telephone and would not let me out. I really had to poo and I was walking around looking for a place to poo real fast that would not be in Mom's way. When she got off the phone, she came out of her new office and she was very mad because she could smell that I had to poo. When she found out I poo'ed on the nice bed in the guest room, she got very mad at me and picked me up and yelled at me all the way down the stairs and threw me outside! She did! She is a mean Mom! I tried to tell her that I poo'ed where it would not be in her way and she should be happy about that, but she was not.

I was very nervous when I went outside because that was not the only place I pooed in the house on the day that was Tuesday and I didn't feel good because the people babies made me sick. It was later when Mom came outside yelling at me and saying loud words I am not allowed to say. She found the other poo on her bed. I told her that she should not be mad because I pooed on the side of the bed where the big man sleeps, not her. But she was not happy about that. Next time I'll just poo on her side of the bed because she will be mad anyway.

She told me Santa Claus knew that I pooed on 2 beds in the house and that he was mad. I am not happy about that because if Santa Claus is mad, he will not bring me toys and cat treats! I bet the big man told him because the big man cannot keep a secret. I think I'll just bite and scratch him when he gets home today.

Mom was not going to let me in the house today because I pooed on 2 beds. But I told her I had to check the internet so I can get her a Christmas present, so she let me for a little while. Maybe she is not too mad at me today. That would be cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-11-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

I thought we would have a very nice weekend. Mom and the big man went somewhere to eat too much food on the day that people are happy about what they have called Thanksgiving. They left me in the house all day because it was cold outside and I needed to nap. When they got home, we watched TV and ate more food. I thought everything was fine.

But oh no, it was not! Mom and the big man got up very early on the day that was Friday and left. When they came back they had ALL the people babies. Black Hair Girl, Red Head Boy and Black Hair Boy. I was so mad! I ran away from home to Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's house and did not come home for a long time. But then I wanted a cat treat, so I came home.

The people babies followed me around and bothered me. Black Hair Boy does not talk, he just screams at me. He plays with my tail and I do not like that. I have to hit him. Mom lets me hit him as long as I do not bite or scratch him. I do not hurt Black Hair Boy when I hit him, but he cries and acts like he is very hurt.

After I ate my food, I wanted to sit on the couch with Mom and watch TV like we did the other night. But the people babies bothered me and Black Hair Girl said I should be a princess. I am not a princess! I am a cat! I don't know what a princess is! The people babies put a purse on me. I am a cat, I do not need a purse. I am a boy and boys do not carry purses!

I asked Mom to please help me before that punk Jesse from down the street saw me with a purse and called me ugly names. Mom thought it was cute that the people babies shared their purse with me, but I did not think it was cute! It was embarassing!

The people babies spent the night at our house. Mom took the cushions off our new couch and pulled a bed out of it. I like that our new couch has a bed hiding in it and I wanted to sleep on it, but Black Hair Girl and Red Head Boy were sleeping on it and I did not want to sleep with people babies so I went outside and ran away from home again.

I came in the next morning and the people babies were dressed in very pretty clothes. Mom was all happy about how pretty the people babies were and she was taking pictures about how cute they are.

I was very mad because when I had a dress up, I had to be a stupid pumpkin cat and I did not like that. Mom did not say how cute I was and get all happy about it. She laughed at my dress up!

Mom and the big man loaded up the people babies and took them back to their own houses on Saturday. They only bothered me for one night. That is good because sometimes they come and stay a bunch of nights and I get very tired of them.

I am glad they are gone. Mom and I are going to get our trees out and put them in the house. I am very happy about that because I like to climb trees and it is getting cold outside. I can climb the trees in our house where it is warm. And that is cool because I am a cool cat.

2007-11-21T18:58:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I got to use the computer because the computer broke. Mom was gone on airplanes for a bunch of days and nights and while she was gone, her computer broke. She was very mad about that and she called the people at her work that fix computers and said loud words to them on the phone. She must have really scared them because they mailed her a new computer right away. It took her a while to get her new computer to work so I could not type stuff to you on the internet.

Not only does Mom have a new computer, but we finally got our new couch. I like our new couch and I have napped on it a lot already. The couch has a bed that hides inside of it. Mom says when the people babies come over we can get the bed out of the couch and people babies can sleep on it. I do not want people babies on our new couch! That is my new couch! The people babies can sleep somewhere else!

I know Mom has been very busy with her new computer and her new couch, so I have been a good cat and have been helping her in her office. I like to chase her little mouse on the desk and get her club soda, because I like to be uppity.

We got some of our boxes out of the place where I hide sometimes called the attic and brought them downstairs. The boxes have decorations in them for Christmas. I know about Christmas! Santa Claus comes and brings treats for cats! Mom said Santa Claus only bring treats to cats and people who are good. I am always good so I am not worried. The big man is worried because he is not good.

He gets all worked up when Mom is out of town and says loud words because he has to cook his own dinner. I ran out of cat treats when Mom was gone and he did not go to Walmart and get me some more. Mom was very mad about that because the big man is supposed to take care of me when Mom is gone. That is the only reason we let him stay here.

Tomorrow we are having a special day at our house where we are going to happy about stuff called Thanksgiving. Mom and the big man are going somewhere else to eat too much food at lunch but then they are coming home. Mom says we will snuggle on the new couch and watch movies and be lazy. I like that because I like to snuggle with Mom and be lazy. That is cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-11-05T16:18:00.000-08:00

We had a nice weekend at our house. I didn't know that it was going to be nice, I was a nervous cat most of the time. That is because I never know what Mom is going to do next. On the day that was Saturday, Mom and the big man put on white shoes with laces and caps and ran away. But they came back, they always do. Then me and Mom worked in the yard picking up sticks, attacking the water hose and planting flowers.

Mom and the big man were looking at the newspaper because they want a couch. I know what a couch is. I like couches a lot. We have three in our house, one downstairs where I nap and 2 upstairs where I nap. But Mom and the big man want another one and that is fine by me because I nap a lot. So they got all fixed up and went to the place where lots of places are that people eat and buy things called Memphis. I never get to go to Memphis and Mom goes there all the time. Mom and the big man went to places to eat and buy couches and then they came home. I was very nervous because they did not bring a couch home. They brought home something else for people babies! They never bring me anything! Everything is always for the people babies!

When Mom brings stuff home for people babies, that means people babies are going to show up at our house. I do not like people babies at our house, they bother me. So I was nervous waiting for the people babies to get here. I was a happy cat because on the day that was Saturday, the people babies did not come to our house.

On the day that was Sunday, Mom and the big man put on pretty clothes to go to the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church but the big man loaded up all the bicycles and the people baby seats in the truck too. I have never been to the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church, but I don't think they use bicycles there so I was confused about that. Well, Mom told me they were going to the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church but they were going to the place where the people babies go. I was a happy cat about that because if Mom goes where the peoples are, they do not come here.

Mom and the big man got back after night time and were very tired. They rode people babies on bicycles and played outside with people babies all day. I was helping the big man put the stuff in the little room by the garage called the storage room and he was busy being the big man and did not let me out of the storage room! He locked me in the storage room! I could not get out! I am mad at the big man!

Mom was outside with her white shoes with laces and cap this morning and she was calling me because we like to roll around on the floor and do stretches called yoga together and she was missing me. I had to meow and yell really loud for her to hear me in the storage room. I am going to bite and scratch the big man when he gets home today. He should not lock cats in the storage room! Cats do not like it in there!

Mom came downstairs from her new office to eat lunch and get the mail. She was in the laundry room doing stuff, probably for the big man, and left her club soda on the counter where I could see it. She was all busy and was not looking at me so I decided to sneak over and have some club soda. I like club soda very much because it is uppity and I like to be uppity like Mom. Well. What did I see? Mom got a new movie. And I do not like the new movie. I do not want Mom doing what the people in the movie are doing. I will be so embarrassed if that punk Jesse from down the street looks in our windows and sees Mom jumping around and carrying on like she has a bug called a bee biting her. I am very nervous about this.

I have to figure out how to get this movie away from Mom so that she will not do this bad thing. I do not want to be embarassed with a Mom who jumps around and carries on like she has a bug called a bee biting her. That would not be cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-11-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was the day that is bad for black cats called Halloween. Mom was all excited because she likes for people kids in scary dress ups called costumes to come to our house. She gives them candy so they'll come back. She left her new office a little early and got all our nice pumpkin decorations out of the house and put them on the cat walk on our front porch. Then put candles in all of them to make them light up. She told me to stay away from the cat walk because she did not want our nice decorations to fall off and break. All the neighbors said our house looked very nice and Halloweenie.

I was trying to stay out of the way because I did not want to wear that ugly pumpkin cat dress up Mom bought me when she knows I wanted to be a turtle. Mom opened a window by our porch and made the radio play scary music. She got her big bowl of candy. Then she waited. And waited. She waited for a long time and no little people kids came to our house in scary dress ups called costumes.

So Mom went in the house and cooked the big man some dinner. I prowled around while she was in the house to see what all the pumpkins were about. Halloween was not so bad for me because just a few little people kids came by and they were not that scary.
Mom and the big man blew out the candles before it was late and Mom took all the pumpkin decorations in the house. Mom said she did not like this Halloween because there were no little people kids around. Mrs. Neighbor said that the little people kids all went to parties called Fall Festivals and did not have time to come to our house so Mom could give them candy. Now Mom is all worked up because we have too much candy to eat.

I wish there was a special day for cats to go to houses and get cat treats! It is not fair that people kids can do that and cats cannot. I could go get cat treats from all our neighbors and if Mom had too much cat treats left at our house, I would not be worked up about it. I think that would be cool. I would be happy and eat the cat treats because I am a cool cat.

2007-10-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Me and Mom are having problems.

She is mad at me and I am mad at her. And the big man is still the big man. Mom is mad at me because there is a mouse in our house. The mouse is somewhere in Mom's bedroom and it wakes her and the big man up at night running around and scratching on stuff. Mom thinks it is MY job to keep the mice out of our house.

I like mice, they are very crunchy and juicy, just like nice moles, only smaller. I think they are called appetizers, but I am not sure. I would be very happy to catch Mom's mouse and take care of it for her. But the big man gets all worked up when I eat things in the house. I would have to work hard to catch the mouse appetizer and then I'd have to take it outside and watch out for those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us while I'm trying to enjoy my meal.

The mouse only comes out at night and I am a busy cat at night. I have to prowl at night, because that is what cats do. After two nights of the mouse in the house bothering Mom, she told me I had to stay in and catch the mouse or I would not get cat treats. So I stayed in the house and watched for the mouse. I did not see the mouse. Well, it could have run by when I was napping, but my eyes were closed, so I didn't see it. Mom got all mad at me and went to Walmart but she did not buy cat treats. She bought mouse traps. She was very mad about the mouse traps because she said that the only reason she has a cat to keep away mice. I told her that was not the only reason she had a cat! She has a cat because this is my house! If she wants to stay here, she will have a cat!

So Mom put out mouse traps and we are waiting for the mouse to come to the trap and wait for Mom to get it. I hope that Mom lets me have the mouse when she gets it because mice are very tasty. Mom said she will not give me her mouse. If I want the mouse, I should catch it myself because that is what cats do. So Mom is mad at me about the mouse.

I am mad at Mom because she knows I wanted a turtle dress up for Halloween. I have been very excited about this and have been waiting for Mom to get my dress up. All my friends have their dress ups for Halloween, but I did not have mine.

Mom came home the other day and she was very happy and told me she had my dress up. I came running in the house because I want to be a turtle. Mom said she could not find a turtle dress up for me so she got me something else. I am very mad! This is not cool! I do not want to be an ugly pumpkin cat for Halloween! I am so embarassed!

What if that punk Jesse from down the street sees me in this ugly pumpkin cat dress up? He will tell everyone on the street and all the people and their cats will laugh at me. What if those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us see me looking like a pumpkin cat? They will laugh and roll on the ground and laugh some more. I am so mad at Mom!

I am mad at Mom about the ugly pumpkin cat dress up. The big man is laughing at me. I am going to bite and scratch him as soon as I figure out how to get out of this dress up. This is not cool and I am not happy. Because I am cool cat.

2007-10-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I told you anything. We have been very busy at our house. We got in trouble with our neighbors because one night a big storm came. I was scared and would not go outside. It was loud and the wind was blowing and lights were flashing in the sky. Then there was a big boom and all the lights went out at everybody's house. Mom and the big man had to get flashlights and candles. One of our neighbors came to our house and told us that one of our nice trees broke and made everybody's lights go off. Mom and the big man were very embarassed that it was all their fault that nobody had any lights at their house.

In the middle of the night, big trucks came and fixed the lights. We were trying to sleep and all the lights came on and woke up Mom but not the big man because he was too busy making loud sleeping noises.

On a day that was Friday a week ago, Mom got all excited and happy and left. She is usually not that happy when she has to go places so I knew something was up. Sure enough, she came home later with people babies. I do not like people babies! Why can't they ever stay home with their own moms? She had Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy. I was not happy about that.

Mom and the big man woke the people babies up early on the day that was Saturday and loaded up the big kid seat that goes on the bakc of the bicycle for people babies to ride in. Mom and the big man loaded up the people babies and they went to a race. I do not know what a race is so I did not care that they did not take me. A race might be where you go throw people babies in the lake or something. Well. I found out what a race is when they got back. I was mad! I wanted to go to a race when I found out what it was.

A race is where Mom and the big man put on white shoes with laces to run away and they run with other people and they try to see who can run faster. Mom put the people babies in the big kid seat and made something for the people babies to race in called a jogging stroller. The people babies got to race with Mom! I can ride in that big kid seat called a jogging stroller! Why can't I race with Mom? I am so tired of those people babies getting to do everything with Mom while I stay home.

Later that day, a bunch of people came over to eat too much food. Mom said we were having too much food and a lot of fun called a Halloween Party. A lot of people babies came over and Red Head Boy came too. After all the people ate too much food, the people babies stole our nice pumpkins out of front yard and cut them up! They did! Their moms got big knives and cut up our nice pumpkins! Those were our pumpkins! We can never have anything around here.

All the people and all the people babies stayed at our house for a long time. I was very tired and wanted them to go home. Finally, after they messed up our nice spooky stuff in the front yard, they all left but somebody forget to load up Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy so they stayed at our house again. Mom and the big man took them back to their own house on the day that was Sunday and I was very glad.

Black Hair Girl likes to pet me all the time, even when I am trying to drink out of my big water bowl. She gets upset and cries and says "Monkey will fall in the potty" and Monkey will not fall in the potty! Monkey is just getting a drink of water! Black Hair Boy pulls my tail all the time and Mom tells him not to do that. I hit and slap Black Hair Boy a lot and he cries. Mom says as long as I do not bite and scratch Black Hair Boy that I will not get in trouble. So I just hit him a little him my front paw to make him leave me alone.

It rained every day last week and I stayed in the house a lot. Cats do not like rain. The big man would find me in the mornings and throw me in the garage when Mom was not home and I had to tattle on him. Mom does not want me to get sick out in the rain.

It stopped raining yesterday so I went outside and I do not want to come back in. I need to chase birds and prowl around. Mom wants me to come in and see her so I come in for a few minutes and then I go back outside. Cats like it outside when it is not raining. It is cool to prowl and I am a cool cat.

2007-10-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

I have been a good cat but now I am in trouble with Mom. All because of the big man and his big mouth.

First, I had a lot of fun with the people nephew who calls Mom Aunt Mom. He stayed at our house to play with me and let me sleep with him. He played our piano and I sat in his lap. He had to go back to the place far away called the Army and we were all very sad.

I helped the big man write numbers on paper for the place called college. I have let myself in and out of the house through my cat hole so that I would not bother anyone.

Mom got up very early on the day that was Sunday and went to the airplane to go to the place where Ink lives called North Carolina. Me and the big man hung out at home and everything was just fine.

The big man went to work on the day that was Monday. I was at home by myself. I was hungry and the big man forgot to give me cat treats, so I went outside to catch myself a fat bird. I know I am not supposed to bring fat birds in the house, but no one was home and the wind was blowing outside and those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us were out, so I thought it would not hurt if I took my fat bird in the house, as long as I cleaned up after myself.

That is not a problem because cats like to clean up after themselves. So I brought my fat bird in the living room and I was playing with it for a minute and it got away. I had fun chasing it and running after it. I got tired of chasing it around and decided I should take a short nap. Well, when I woke up from my nap, I could not find my fat bird! I left it in the floor! It was gone!

I thought maybe the big man was home and stole my fat bird for himself, but he was not there. I looked all over for my fat bird and did not find it. The feathers were all over the living room and I heard the big man coming in the house. I knew I was in trouble. I could not find the vaccuum cleaner to clean up the feathers.

The big man yelled at me and asked me where my fat bird was. I did not know. The big man was looking for it. I figured he must really want a fat bird, because he was all worked up about finding it. I thought if I got him another fat bird I would not be in trouble for bringing a fat bird in the house. So I ran out my cat hole and caught another fat bird for the big man and brought it in through the cat hole.

The big man got very mad about me having another fat bird and he took it away from me! I was going to give it to him, but he just could not wait! The big man never appreciates anything I do for him!

He called Mom and told her I brought fat birds in the house and one of them is lost in our house. Mom was very mad about that because a bunch of people are coming to our house soon to eat too much food. She does not want a fat bird hiding in our house to come out and bother the people. She told the big man to shut the door and lock me out! Mom is mad at me! I have to do something about that. Having a mad Mom is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-10-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

Now that I know a cat can a dress up called a costume, I am not afraid of Halloween. I do not have to be a black cat! I can be a turtle! As soon as Mom finds me a dress up called a costume.

The people nephew that calls Mom Aunt Mom is coming tomorrow. I am very happy about that. Me and Mom did a lot of chores because we are having company.

Sometimes when the weather is nice, Mom takes our clothes to the back yard and puts them on ropes called a clothes line. I help her by chasing bugs and jumping in the basket and attacking the socks. I have heard that the neighbors do not like for Mom to take our clothes to the back yard and put them on ropes called a clothes line. The neighbors say things like that is redneck. I do not know what redneck is, but I know we have redneck birds in our nice flower beds.

I do not know why having our clothes on ropes called a clothes line is like our pretty pink redneck birds. Sometimes the neighbors say it is tacky to have your clothes in the back yard on ropes called a clothes line. I do not know what tacky is but it must be OK because Mom does this a lot. Mom says are neighbors just don't appreciate old fashioned stuff. She said our clothes on ropes called a clothes line does not bother our neighbors, they do not have to come to our yard and have the clothes on the ropes called a clothes line get in their way. And Mom does not ask the neighbors to fold the clothes, that is my chore.

Anyway, me and Mom got the laundry done and we cleaned up the living room and kitchen. While we were cooking supper for the big man, the people kid Julie called and said she is going to come to our house tomorrow too so she can see the people nephew that calls Mom Aunt Mom. I am going to have a lot of people company!

I don't know who I will sleep with. I was going to sleep with the people nephew but I might sleep with the people kid Julie. Sometimes a cat has lots of good stuff going on. That is cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-10-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

I learned about something today and I will tell you about it.

The people kid, Justin's girl sent Mom a picture of her stupid dog. But it did not look like a stupid dog, it looked like an alligator. I asked Mom what was wrong with the stupid dog that it looked like an alligator. Mom said that for Halloween, pets can dress up too so people will not know who they are. The stuff pets use to dress up is called costumes.

If I can get a dress up called a costume, I can hid from the scary people kids dressed in scary clothes trying to get because I am a black cat. I thought about this a lot and I talked to my internet cat friends, Ink, Sammie and Lucy about it. We are all going ask our Moms for dress ups called costumes.

Sammie said we have to know what we our dress ups called costumes to look like. Lucy, who is very smart, said dress ups called costumes can look like all kinds of animals or people. Sammie said she wanted to be a redneck. I'm not real sure what that is, but Sammie says she knows a lot about rednecks. Ink wants to be a GIJoe because GIJoes look like her dad. Lucy wants to be a queen and needs a gold crown.

I decided that I want a dress up called a costume so I can be a turtle. I know a little bit about turtles because the people kid Justin left his box that his lunch goes in at our house and it has very special turtles on it called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Those turtles look very mean and tough. If I could have a dress up called a costume to look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, I wouldn't have to whoop that punk Jesse from down the street, he'd run when he saw me coming.

But I can be a plain turtle too. Mom says that a lot of people in our family would really like it if I would just a plain dress up called a costume and looked like a plain turtle. Maybe because I would not be scary and tough. I don't really care what kind of turtle I am as long as I can hide from the people kids that come to our house and try to get me.

It is not cool to have to run from little people kids. I do not like that because I am a cool cat.

2007-10-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

Mom and the big man are very excited because we have a visitor. I am very excited about it too! Mom's people nephew that calls her Aunt Mom went away to the place very far away called the Army. He has been gone a long time and now he is home to visit everybody for a few days. All the people are very happy about that. Mom and the big man drove very fast to go see the people nephew on the night that was Friday. They had to go the place where people kids run up and down the yard chasing a ball that is not round called football. The people nephew was very glad to see Mom and the big man. I was not happy because I did not get to go to the place where people kids run up and down the yard chasing a ball that is not round called a football and see the people nephew. I want to see him too! That is not fair that I had to stay home.

Mom says the people nephew is coming to our house to spend some days and nights this week and I can sleep upstairs with him if I want to. So I am going to watch for him to come to our house. Mom says when he is through visiting he has to go back to the place very far away called the Army. Mom is worried because he might have to go to the place where people fight because they do not like each other called Iraq. We do not want the people nephew to go there, but the people nephew says he is ready to go help other people in the place where people fight because they do not like each other called Iraq.

I was very afraid when I went outside after my nap on Saturday. There is scary Halloween stuff in our yard again. Black cats do not like Halloween, it is very bad for black cats. People are mean to black cats on Halloween and little people kids dress up in very scary clothes and come to our house to try to get me. Mom has to give them people treats to make them go away. I do not like Halloween.

There is very scary stuff in our house too. I do not like that either. I have to hide in the big man's closet to get away from scary stuff everywhere. I got on the internet and talked to my internet cat friends Ink and Sammie and we want to call important people and see if we cannot have Halloween any more. Black cats do not like Halloween.

Me and mom did some yard work today when she and the big man got back from the place where people are nice to each other for a few minutes called church. We cleaned up the little trees that had red balls on them called tomatoes. Then I helped Mom put water on our nice trees and bushes.

We wanted to get all our work done so when the people nephew gets here to visit with us we can just play with him and not have to do chores. I like playing with the people nephew because he is cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-10-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

The big man does not like for Mom to leave the door open at night so that I can get in and out by myself through my cat hole. The big man thinks I will bring stuff in the house at night. Mom asked him what he thought I'd bring in and he said nice moles or fat birds. I've got news for the big man, I am not bringing him any more presents in the house, so he does not have to worry about that.

Since I stayed outside for a long time yesterday when Mom was all worked up about me eating a rubber band, I decided to stay in last night and sleep with her so she would forget that she was mad and give me some cat treats. The big man was taking a shower and me and Mom were in the bed talking about stuff. The big man came to get in the bed and he was all mad about me being in the middle of the bed. Where else is a cat supposed to sleep? He is the one who should sleep somewhere else because he makes loud sleeping noises.

I was still being nice to Mom this morning. She put on her white shoes with laces and a cap to run away and I decided to go with her for a little while. We walked around our street and wouldn't you know it, that punk Jesse that lives down the street came out of his garage hissing and bowing his back at me. I do not like that punk Jesse and I have to whoop him all the time for being a punk. I was not going to run from him so I stood there and hissed back at him. While we were standing there hissing at each other, the neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances let his stupid puppy dog out of the house. That stupid puppy dog came running over to where I was trying to be mean to that punk Jesse and then me and Jesse both had to hiss and run from the stupid puppy dog! A cat cannot fight a punk and puppy at the same time!

Mom was laughing at me about the stupid puppy dog and the punk Jesse. She told me I should not talk about the neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances because it is not nice to talk about stuff like that. See, last week, me and Mom were walking outside just before it was time to eat dinner. The neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances was riding on the loud toy that makes the grass short. All of the sudden, he jumped off the loud toy and started yelling and running and hopping and dancing. Me and Mom were afraid because we thought he was possessed with Halloween or something. He was slapping himself and hopping around in his yard and dancing and he took his clothes off! People are not supposed to take their clothes off in their front yards!

He was taking his shirt and slapping himself with it and yelling a lot. The other people neighbors went running over there and I thought they were all going to take their clothes off in the front yard and dance so I told Mom that we should go in our house right away. The other neighbors did not take their clothes off in the front yard and dance, so I was happy about that. They made the neighbor with no clothes on in the front yard go in his garage. Mom heard him yelling that little bugs called bees got him and that's why he had to take his clothes off in the front yard while he was dancing.

I don't know about little bugs called bees but Mom says sometimes they get in our yard too. I do not like that because I do not want to see the big man in our yard dancing and screaming and taking his clothes off. That is not cool and I would be embarassed. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-10-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

I think we are getting back to normal at our house. The people babies are long gone, the big man does not cry and whine about little rocks in his belly called kidney stones and Mom has been home working hard in her office. She gets up very early in the mornings and puts on her white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away. But she always comes back. I wait for her outside. She always gives me food in my outside bowl when she comes back. Then me and Mom roll around in the living floor doing stretches called yoga. It is not very hot outside, so Mom leaves the door open so I can get in and out by myself through my nice cat hole.

I thought every thing was very nice at our house until today. I got in trouble. I do not like to get in trouble. Mom yelled at me because I ate a rubber band. Mom knows I love rubber bands, they are my favorite toy. I know where she keeps a bunch of rubber bands in her office and I always try to get them. Sometimes if I bother Mom enough, she will give me some rubber bands to play with.

I found out by accident that rubber bands taste good too.

When me and Mom sat down to the paper this morning, she took the rubber band off and put it on the table. So I ate it.

Mom got all worked up about me eating the rubber band. It is not like she needed that rubber band, she has a bunch of them in her office, you would think she would a nice Mom and share just one with me. But no! She yelled at me for a long time about the rubber band. Then she put some stuff in my cool cat bowl and told me to eat so the rubber band would come out. I do not want rubber bands coming out! I don't know what that means!

I did not want to eat the stuff in my cool cat bowl, so I ran out the back door and through my cat hole to escape. I am not going back in our house. I am going to stay out here on the porch of the little house behind us called the guest house. Mom is being very mean to me so I am going to stay away from her. That's what the people kids Julie and Justin told me to do. I am going to do what they say because they are cool people kids and I am a cool cat.

2007-10-01T16:05:00.000-07:00

I am mad at the internet. I have typed stuff so you could read it and the internet made it go away. It takes a long time for a cat to type stuff on the internet because cats do not have opposable thumbs. So I am very mad that I typed a bunch of stuff and now I have to type it again.

The people babies stayed at our house for 4 days and 4 nights. People babies have never stayed that long and I was scared they would never go home. I found out that there are places Mom does not let the people babies go. They cannot go on our stairs. That is good for me because when they got on my nerves, all I had to do was get on the stairs and they could not get me. Cats are smart. Smarter than stupid dogs and people babies.

We like to play outside on the days that Mom and the big man do not have to go to work. But can a cat have a good time ouside with people babies? NO. Mom and the big man rode the people babies on the bicycles. Black Hair Girl wanted me to go to but Mom said no because I do not have a helmet. I was very mad about that because I want a helmet but no one will buy me one. I will have to go to Walmart by myself and find a helmet so I can ride the bicycles too.

When they got back from their bike ride, Mom got my big new outside water bowl out and filled it up with water. Then the people babies got in it. I am so tired of the people babies bothering my stuff. When they got tired of playing in my big outside water bowl, they chased me. Black Hair Girl wrapped me up in a towel. Mom asked her why and she said "because Monkey is wet." Monkey is not wet! Monkey is a cat! Monkey does not like water!

Then Black Hair Boy tried to pick my nose! I am a cat! I do not need my nose picked!

I was very mad that the people babies were bothering me so I ran away to the house behind us to the yard where the stupid dogs live. I know how to get away from stupid dogs but sometimes it is too hard to get away from people babies. Black Hair Girl stood by the fence and cried because I was in the yard behind us where the stupid dogs live. She wanted me to come back so she could wrap me up in towel again.

I did not go back!

Mom took the people babies home when they got back from the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church. I was a very happy cat about that.

Mom packed her little red suitcase and went away to the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky. While she was gone, the big man left me in the house all day. I could not get out until he got home. He tattled on me to Mom! It was not my fault! The big man locked me in the house, he needs to be tattled on!

I was very happy when Mom got home on the day that was Wednesday. I helped her in her office. She was making big stacks of papers called reports and calling important people about money on the telephone. I was attacking her printer and getting into her rubber bands.

We put our scary stuff in our yard so we could be decorated for Halloween. I do not like Halloween because bad stuff happens to black cats on that day. I hide in the house and I tell my internet cat friends Sammie and Ink to hide too. I do not want bad things to happen to my internet cat friends because they are cool, like me, the cool cat.

2007-09-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am a little mad at Mom today. I am mad at her because the new kitten, Shadow, ran away last night. Mom gets me a friend and just when I decide to like her, she runs away. That makes me sad and mad at Mom because if she did not get me a kitten to be my friend, it would not matter if it ran away.

The people kid Julie said Mom cannot have any more cats because a cat has to be a supercat to stay at our house and so far I am the only supercat. Mom said she would get me a supercat cape for Halloween, but I do not like Halloween because that is the day that people are mean to black cats. I stay in the house and hide on the day that is Halloween because little people kids are very scary and they come to our house and try to get me.

The people babies are still here and I do not know when they are going home. Mom put them in her new bicycle seat and rode them to the park yesterday and left me at home. That is not fair! I want to go to the park too! Black Hair Girl cries every time I go outside. I do not like people babies who cry all the time. Black Hair Boy does not talk, he just screams at me and pulls my tail.

Mom keeps telling Black Hair Boy to leave my tail alone. One time she swatted his hand and told him no. But he will not stop pulling my tail so I had to hit him. He cried and got mad but he has not pulled my tail any more. And I did not get in trouble for hitting him. Mom said I could not bite and scratch the people babies but I guess it is OK for me to hit them as long I do not hurt them.

I am helping Mom in her office now and we have a old people woman downstairs taking care of the people babies called a babysitter. Me and Mom can get our work done without those people babies bothering us. I hope Mom always gets a old people woman to take care of the people babies called a babysitter when the people babies are here because I don't have to be bothered by them and that is cool with me. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-09-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Things are getting better at our house, so Ink, I think I'll stick around a while. I know it is fun at your house with your dad being back from the place where people do not like each other shoot bombs called Iraq, but you have two stupid dogs at your house and I only have one bothersome cat at mine.

The men who do not talk like me or Mom came over and finished fixing the dining room walls so Mom does not have a project any more. She is very happy about her new walls and called a bunch of people on the phone acting all happy about it. Mrs. Cravitz came to our house and knocked on the door and told Mom she had a problem with her nose and wanted to come in our dining room. Mom laughed at Mrs. Cravitz and me and the big man were confused because we did not know Mom's new dining room walls would help people with their noses.

I stayed out of the way most of the day and at night when Mom cleaned up everything and put the furniture back. She was in a big hurry because she is getting up very early in the morning to put on her white shoes with laces and a cap and run away. But she always comes back. Then she is going to get those people babies that I do not like. I may hide all day tomorrow too.

Maybe it is good that people babies are coming and I can hide. The people babies can be mean to Shadow not me. I hope Mom yells at Shadow and tells her she better not hurt those people babies like she does to me. Because If Shadow gets to hurt the people babies and I don't, I will be mad because that is not fair.

I do not like it when things are not fair. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-09-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

I know I have not told you anything in a long time. We have been busy at our house, busier than Mom likes to be. Our dining room is a very big mess where Mom tore the walls off to have a project. She has also packed her suitcase and got on airplanes and stayed gone to the place that has country roads that someone sings about a lot called West Virginia.

I have tried to stay away from that annoying little kitten that Mom brought home for no good reason. The big man gave the kitten a name and they call her Shadow. The big man says now Monkey has a Shadow. The big man thinks he is very funny but I do not. And I do not like Shadow. She bothers me a lot. Mom says I have to be nice to her or I do not get cat treats so I do my best. I can't do anything without her bothering me. I have been chatting with my internet cat friends and she is so nosy and wants to know everything but I will not tell her. But I will tell you.

My internet cat friend Ink has been going outside and she caught a fat bird! I am very proud of her and she is going to catch herself a nice mole next. Her people dad came home and she is very happy. He has been gone for a very very long time to the place where people do not like each other and shoot bombs at each other called Iraq.

My internet cat friend, Lucy, snuck out of her house and tried to catch a fat bird but the stupid dogs came out and told on her so she went back in the house. My poor internet friend Sammie cannot go outside because her Mom will not let her and that is not fair. Sammie's little people kids go outside all the time and she cannot.

My internet cat friends Julius and Torpedo sent me some nice toy mice to play with and I have shared them with Shadow only so I could get a cat treat. That's the only reason.

I can't do anything without her bothering me. I like to have coffee and read the paper with Mom in the mornings. I always come in when the big man opens the big doors that keep the cars inside called the garage. I like to talk to Mom and read the paper.

But then here comes that annoying Shadow! She bothers me! I want to read the paper! She is always kissing me! I do not like to be kissed and I want to read the paper with Mom.

Since we have been so busy and our dining room is a mess, Mom has been very cranky. She gives me lots of chores and I try to do them, but guess who bothers me? Mom does not make Shadow help me with my chores and that is not fair! If she is going to be a cat in this house, she should have to do chores too. I started folding clothes when I was just a kitten, but all Shadow does is watch me fold them.

Just when I think things can't get any more bad than they are, I heard Mom say people babies are coming over soon to stay for a while. I do not like people babies! They bother me worse than Shadow! I asked Mom how she was going to have people babies when our dining room was in such a mess. Mom said she had help coming.

Then one day two people men came over and started working in our dining room. They fixed our walls and made a lot of noise and kept working. I asked them what they were doing, but they do not speak meowlish. They do not talk like Mom either. I asked Mom why they didn't talk like her and she said they speak Spanish. I do not see how Mom and the people men who fix walls know what each other is talking about, but they do because our dining room is getting all fixed just like Mom wants it.

So I am always bothered. Mom is cranky and people men that we do not understand are fixing our walls. People babies are coming over and I am very mad about that. The big man is, well, he is still the big man. I just want Mom and the big man to stop doing stuff I am not used to so I do not have to worry about things. Worry is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-09-04T18:08:00.000-07:00

I have not told you anything because I am very mad at Mom. Not about my live snake any more, about a bunch of other things.

On the day that was Thursday, the big man had to go to the hospital to get the rocks out of his belly called kidney stones. I was very glad because I am tired of the big man whining and crying about the rocks in his belly called kidney stones. They fixed him at the hospital and Mom brought him home.

We had fun staying at home on the day that was Friday. I took 3 naps and Mom and the big man just stayed home. I thought everything was just fine.

Then on the day that was Saturday, Mom got up and said we have a project. I don't like projects, every time we get one, our house gets to be in a big mess and I have to do lots of chores. So I was a little mad about Mom getting us a project. Then Mom said the big man was going away on a boys weekend. I asked Mom to please pack my cat treats so I could take them. She asked where I thought I was going and I told her I was a boy and I was going with the big man on the boys weekend. She said I could not go, that cats did not go on boys weekends. That is not fair! I never get to go anywhere! I am a boy! I want to go on a boys weekend!

Mom made me stay home and have a project with her. She sprayed water on the walls in the dining room and said loud words I am not allowed to say and tore the walls off! She did! She tore them off and threw them in the floor in little pieces! Our dining room was a big mess. Mom says we are going to paint the dining room the same color as stop signs, just like our kitchen. I was not happy about this because me and Mom had to work a lot and we did not get finished.

Then something really bad happened and I am not speaking to Mom about it. She went to somebody's house and stayed until bedtime. I was already out prowling so I did not come in when she got home. When I came in the next morning, I knew something was not right. Then I saw it.

A kitten! I do not like kittens! I do not want kittens in my house! I am very mad at Mom. We do not need a kitten in our house. Mom already has a cat-ME-she does not need another one.

The kitten is little and it tries to fight me and I have to hiss at it all the time. It bothers Mom's stuff and it poos in the house in a box with sand in it. And it is a girl. I do not like girls!

Mom got mad at me for hissing at the kitten and she sprayed me with the water bottle. She let the kitten eat out of my cool cat food bowl and she let the kitten sit in her lap and get petted. I do not like the kitten.

Mom told me to stop being a mean cat and play with the kitty, it is my new little sister. I did not ask for a little sister cat and I do not want one. Mom told me if I did not act nice and play with my new kitten, that I could not have any more cat treats. She is a mean Mom! I am going to run away!

I emailed my friends Ink, Sammie and Lucy and asked them what to do about this new problem I have with a new kitten. I found out that Sammie has a MySpace page and she is making friends with stupid dogs. I want a MySpace page! Mom will not let me have one! She says cats get in trouble on MySpace! Sammie is not in trouble!

I have the meanest Mom ever. I am going to ask the people kids Julie and Justin what to do about it because she was a very mean Mom to them too. They moved to their own houses. Maybe I need to move to my own house where there will not be little kittens, I can go on boys weekends if I want to and I can have a MySpace page. I would not get any projects either because I would be too busy making new friends on MySpace because everybody wants cool friends and I am a cool cat.

2007-08-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

I brought Mom a present.

You know she has not been feeling very good with that dry socket she got at the doctor that only works on your mouth called a dentist. And the big man is still all whiny over those little rocks in his belly called kidney stones. On top of all the problems Mom and big man have, we had a bunch of the people kids over on the day that was Saturday. I suspected that a bunch of people were coming because Mom cooked a bunch of food and every time she does that, we have a lot of people come to our house. The people kid Julie and her man came, so did the people kid Justin and his new girl. The people kid April and her man came and of course they had to bring that people baby, Red Head Boy.

Mom cooked a lot of food. All the people kids played out in the back yard and they let Red Head Boy get in my big water bowl again. I am going to hide my big water bowl so the people babies will stay out of it.

After all the people ate too much food, the big man told the people kid boys to go outside and they got the big man's Christmas present out and tried to hit each other with little white balls by hitting them with paddles on a table called Ping Pong. I played too by chasing the little white balls when they bounced away. But every time I played with one, the big man took it away from me. The big man always gets on my nerves.

Most of the people kids left and the people kid Julie and her man spent the night in our upstairs. We had to get up early so that Mom and the big man could go to the place where people are nice to each for a few minutes called church. The big man went to work after that and Mom had to clean up stuff in the yard. I felt bad for Mom and I wanted to do something very special for her. I thought about catching her a nice mole or a fat bird, but I have given her those before. So I decided to get her something different. I knew she would appreciate something different, so I brought her a live snake.

I could not get the live snake to be still so Mom could get it so I had to fight with it. Me and the live snake fought for a long time and the live snake kept biting me. I was not ready for Mom to have the live snake because, well, I was having fun with it. She tried to get it with the broom and I told her to let me play with it some more. She would not so me and her got in a fight over my live snake and she hit me with the broom! That was my live snake! I was going to give it to her in a minute! She did not have to steal it with the broom!

So now I am mad at Mom about my live snake. I only came in the house today to type on the internet. I am not going to help her in her office because she stole my live snake with her broom. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-08-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

I am worried about stuff. I'm not having problems, but everyone else is.

My internet cat friend, Ink, is having problems with her Mom. Her Mom keeps taking her to the hospital to find out why she meows. She is cat! Cats meow! Poor Ink has had shots and other very bad stuff happen to her at the hospital. Ink wants to run away but it is too hot. I want Ink to tell her Mom to get her one of those little things people type to each other. I found one in the drawer, it is called a cellphone. If Ink had one too, me and her could type to each other and have things called text messages and we could plan things to outsmart our Moms.

I am worried about the big man because he still has little rocks in his belly called kidney stones and they will not go away. He is always whining about it and it bothers me. The doctor told him if the little rocks called kidney stones did not go away in a few days, the doctor would get them out. I thought the big man would be very happy that the doctor would get them out, but that only made him whine more. I am worried that big man is losing his mind.

I am worried about Mom too because she is trying to act like nothing is wrong, she is going away on airplanes and working so she can money to buy me cat treats, but her mouth still hurts with a dry socket. She is now very mad at the people doctor who only works your mouth called a dentist and she said when she sees him again, she is going to use his own drill on him. The big man has a drill, it is a loud toy that he hits the wall with. If Mom uses that on the people doctor that only works on your mouth called a dentist, he might not like that and he might get mad at Mom and give another dry socket. I am worried that Mom needs to stop being mad at the people doctor who only works on your mouth called a dentist.

It has been so hot at our house. The weathermen on TV scream all day long about how hot it is. It has been very hot for many days and weeks at our house. Those weathermen are not very smart, because if they were, they would just be like me and stay in the house when it is hot outside. Then they would be cool like me because I am a cool cat.

2007-08-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Those people babies have done it this time! Yes, they have. They are in trouble and it is all their fault. I've been telling Mom to leave those people babies at their own houses with their own Moms but did she listen? No, and now there is trouble.

I will tell you what happened.

Mom got home on Friday night and she had Black Hair Boy and Black Hair Girl. They were all worked up and laughing and playing and bothering me. I was trying to go outside but no one would open the door for me. Then Red Head Boy came. His people dad brought him over. All the people babies had a bunch of stuff with them, suitcases and bags of diapers. I knew I was not going to have fun because they were going to stay for a while.

Mom and the big man always buy stuff for the people babies and I am tired of it. I never get anything new but the people babies get stuff all the time. Mom bought the people babies a new wagon that buckles on to the big man's bicycle so all the people babies can ride away on bicycle with Mom and the big man. That is not fair! I never get to ride on the bicycles! Mom got a new helmet for Black Hair Boy because he did not have one of his very own. Well, I don't have one of my very own either, but did she offer to buy me a new helmet? No, and that is not fair.

Mom and the big man rode the people babies to the park and they played with the ducks. Ducks are birds. I like birds, why can't I go to the park too?

When they got back from the park, Mom made the people babies chicken for lunch and then everybody took a nap. While the people babies were sleeping, the big man got my big water bowl out of the shed and filled it up with water. I was so happy that I would have my new water bowl outside!

But then the people babies woke up and guess what they did? They got in my big water bowl! I do not want people babies in my water bowl! That is my water bowl! People babies poo in water bowls!

They played in my water bowl for a long time and got on my nerves. Mom and the big man were smiling and laughing at the people babies.

Black Hair Boy runs away all the time and Mom had to chase him. I told Mom she should just let him go, she had three and if one ran away she would still have two and that was still too many.

The last thing Mom and the big man did for the people babies made me very mad. They bought the people babies a people baby tent house! I am so mad! I want to go camping too! I don't have a tent house and nobody will buy me one!

See, Black Hair Boy does not even LIKE the tent house! I want a tent house for cats. I put up with those people babies all day on the day that was Saturday. When they were in the house, I had to run upstairs and hide so they would stop bothering me. Mom does not let people babies on the stairs so I can get away from them up there.

Well. I knew Mom and the big man would someday see that people babies are bad. And finally they did. The people babies made Mom and the big man sick! Yes they did! Mom and the big man are sick and it is all because of those people babies! I told you!

The big man got sick in the night on the day that was Saturday. He was walking funny and hollering and all worked up and could not go to sleep. Mom had to call the people kids on the day that was Sunday to come get all the people babies because she had to take the big man to the place where doctors cost a lot of money called the hospital. I think the people babies must have put rocks in the big man's dinner because the place where doctors cost a lot of money called the hospital told the big man he had little rocks in his belly called kidney stones. The people babies did it! They made the big man sick with rocks in his belly called kidney stones.

And Mom? Her mouth hurts from the doctor that only works on your mouth called a dentist. It was hurting more and more and she was very sick about it and couldn't eat and fussed at everybody. She went back to the doctor that only works on your mouth and she has a very bad toothache called a dry socket. The people babies gave it to her. Those people babies are very bad.

Mom and the big man both have to eat little rocks called medicine that makes them smile and go to sleep. I have been a good cat because I have been taking care of them. I told Mom that we would not keep the people babies at our house any more because they gave the big man little rocks in his belly called kidney stones and gave her a very bad toothache called a dry socket. That is not cool and we cannot have that. We have a cool house and I am a cool cat.

2007-08-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be a happy cat and mind my own business, but stuff is going on around here.

First, Mom got a box in the mail with presents in it. I like presents too. This box had stuff for Mom and the big man but nothing for me. I didn't care about that because I still have lots of treats that my internet cat friend, Sammie, sent me. But there were other presents in the box. Things like sticks that are different that people babies use to write on Mom's walls called colors.

And there were bags of people baby treats shaped liked cat treats called Goldfish. This was very strange that Mom would get presents in boxes in the mail for people babies.

Mom gets up very early on the days that are Fridays and leaves before it is time to get up. Some people think Mom is important and she goes to a place on the days that are Fridays to talk to other important people and give them things called speeches. She's been doing this for a while and I am not sure why she wants to get up very early on the days that are Fridays and leave before it is time to get up. Sometimes when she gets done talking to other important people and giving them things called speeches, she stops at places to buy stuff called the mall before she comes home.

She did that today and when she got home, she had a new people baby seat for her bicycle and a new people baby helmet for riding bicycles. This makes me very mad because I know what happens when Mom messes with people baby stuff....people babies show up! I do not like people babies! They need to stay home! They bother me!

Mom told me she is going to see the people kids where the people babies live. I already know what is going to happen. When she gets back, she is going to have all those people babies with her and they will not go home! We are busy at our house! We do not need people babies here! They will eat my cat treats! Those are MY cat treats!

I am very upset but I am trying to act nice. I do not want Mom to know the people babies bother me. I am trying to be cool, because I am a cool cat.

2007-08-15T13:06:00.000-07:00

It is hard to feel sorry for Mom when she does stuff to herself.

She already had that problem where she gets big sores on her that hurt and she scratches them and fusses at everybody because she has problems called poison oak and she has to take little rocks called steroids that makes her yell and scream at people even more. On top of that, she went to the people doctor who only does stuff to your mouth called a dentist. She was gone for a very long time to the people doctor who only does stuff to your mouth called a dentist and her face was big and red and she was not very happy.

She told me the people doctor who only does to your mouth called a dentist cut her mouth and her teeth and it hurt a lot. She was not very happy and she felt very bad.

How can I feel sorry for her? She already knew she had problems and she went and got more problems? I am just a cat, but I know better than to go get new problems when I already have some.

The big man made very loud sleeping noises again last night and Mom with all her problems had to sleep on the couch. I asked her why she didn't make the big man sleep on the couch since he was the one making all the noise and she said the big man needs his sleep more than she needs hers so she gets up and lets him sleep and make loud sleeping noises. That is not good.

Mom is a sleepy head and if she does not sleep a long time, she gets even more problems. I think me and the big man have about all the Mom problems we can handle right now so I hope he stops making loud sleeping noises so she can sleep. A mean Mom is not cool and I don't like it because I am a cool cat.

2007-08-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

We are feeling a little better at our house.

On the day that was Saturday, me, Mom and the big man worked in our yard. We like to do that. Mom was worried because it is very very hot now. The people on the TV scream about how hot it is all the time. I told Mom if those people would stay in the house they would not be so hot and have to scream about it all the time.

Mom will not let me stay outside during the day, but that is OK, because I do not like being that hot anyway. When we were working in our yard, Mom made the big man drink blue water in bottles called Gatorade. I was hot too but she did not give me blue water in bottles called Gatorade and that was not fair.

The big man decided he did not like some of our trees in the back. We ave a lot of trees in our yard and we like them. But the big man picked some of them that he did not like anymore. He got a toy that makes lots of noise and he cut our trees down! He made a big mess! Mom was not happy about the mess!

Me and Mom got the weeds out of flowers beds. Mom has a problem with weeds. The big man fusses at her about her problem with weeds. Every time she plays with the weeds, she gets big sores on her that hurt and she scratches them and fusses at everybody because she has problems called poison oak. She has to go to the people doctor and get a shot every time she plays with weeds and then she has to eat little rocks called steroids and that makes her yell and scream at people even more.

And then to make things even harder for Mom, the big man keeps making loud sleeping noises so Mom cannot sleep and she has to go on our couch all night. She does not like that and that makes her yell and scream at people even more than ever.

I am trying to help Mom and the big man feel better. I brought the big man a nice mole yesterday, because I know he likes them. Everytime I have a nice mole around him he tries to take it away from me, so I brought him one of his own. He did not seem to like the nice mole I brought him but he did not yell and scream at me and throw me outside over it. I guess he knows that taking little rocks called steroids and having big sores on her that hurt and makes her scratch called poison oak and not getting to sleep because of his loud sleeping noises, that Mom is yelling and screaming enough for everyone right now.

I have tried to help Mom feel better by helping her in new office. She called the airplane people yesterday and told them she would need an airplane next week so I've been helping her look at her map so she will know where to go. I feel very bad for all the people on the airplane with Mom because she has been really mean since she got sores on her hurt that hurt and makes her scratch called poison oak. Maybe she will feel better before she gets on the airplane with the other airplane people.

I guess everyone needs a break sometimes, even Mom. I will be very happy for her to have a break and go away on the airplane because she is getting on the big man's nerves and mine too. I don't know what that means, but if it means I want Mom to go away for a little while so no one will yell and scream at our house, then I'm cool with it. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-08-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

It is still very very sad at our house.

The big man did not go to work yet and Mom did not go away on airplanes. We are staying home and people still come to see us and we get pretty flowers and plants and good food.

Mom and the big man have been getting all the stuff but yesterday there was box with my name on it. We opened it and it was from my internet friend Sammie Cat. Sammie send me catnip toys and very yummy cat treats! It is good that I have friends, too.

Mom and the big man said they want to do something called normal. When people come see them, the people ask what Mom and the big man want to do and they say be normal. I don't know what that is, but if Mom and the big man want to do it, then I will help them as soon as someone tells me what it is.

We have plans for the weekend. We are going to work in our yard tomorrow. We are going to get the weeds out of our pretty flower beds and we are going to pick up sticks and then we are going to take naps in our rope bed that stays in the back yard called a hammock. Mom and the big man are going where there is fish and birthday cake to eat called a fish fry. I like fish! I like birthday cake! Why can't I go to the place where there is fish and birthday cake to eat called a fish fry? I never get to do anything!

I am staying close to Mom and the big man and being a nice cat so they will feel better. They are still very sad about the people kid Will going to live with Jesus. Everyone tells them that will feel a little better soon. I want them to feel better because I don't like for Mom and the big man to be sad all the time. I want them to be happy because that is cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-08-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

This is a very bad time and very very bad things have happened at our house.

On the day that was Wednesday, me and Mom were working in the office all day. When we got off work we went downstairs and Mom called the big man to find out when he was coming home so she cook a nice dinner for us. The big man was very upset. He said the people kid Will was at the place where people kids go to read books and write numbers on paper called school but he was not reading books and writing numbers on paper, he was in the yard of the place called school wearing a helmet and running up and down the field chasing a ball that is not round called a football.

The people kid was running and playing with the ball that was not round called a football and he fell down. And he did not get back up.

Mom was very upset and she was calling people and yelling and crying and the people that live on our street came running to our house. They put Mom in the car and they drove away very fast. I was confused and I just stood in the driveway. It rained very hard after Mom left with the neighbors called Mr. and Mrs. Cravitz.

I waited for Mom to come home for a long time. It was late when I saw her car coming but Mr. Cravitz was driving it. Mom and the big man were riding in it. Even though it was very late at night and past bedtime but people kept coming to our house and all the people were very very sad. I have never seen people be so sad ever. Mom and the big man were crying very much and I was confused.

The people kids Julie and her man, and Justin came to our house and they were very sad too. The next day people kept coming to our house and they brought food and very pretty baskets of flowers and plants. The phone just kept ringing because people called all the time. Mom and the big man were so sad that they could not talk to people. Mom and the big man had to go to someplace they did not want to go and talk about the people kid Will. I stayed home to help the people kid Julie and her man and Mom's people Mom and Dad talk to people who came to our house.

Ink's Mom came to our house with other people friends to help take care of Mom and the big man. I have never met Ink's Mom and the other people friends and they were very nice except when they put a pink sock on my head. I am a boy! Boys do not wear pink socks! Cats should not have socks on their heads!

I was very sad about the people kid Will. Mom and the big man were so sad that I could not do anything to make them feel better. Mom told me the people kid Will is never coming back to our house because he has gone to live with Jesus. The big man is very happy that the people kid is with Jesus because the big man loves Jesus very much and wants to go live with him one day too. But he is very sad because the people kid Will was only 16 people years old and people kids that young should not go live with Jesus so soon.

Mom is very worried about the big man and called the airplane people and told them she would not be riding airplanes for a while because she has to stay home and take very good care of the big man. We are very very sad at our house, sadder than we have ever been.

Will Aubrey Orr
12/20/90 - 8/1/07
May his light shine forever

2007-07-31T07:05:00.000-07:00

I can't keep up with Mom any more. I'm tired of trying. She comes home and then she just packs up and leaves again. She was not even through telling me about her trip to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada when she packed up her red suitcase and left again! And then I got really mad because she told me she was going to Ink's house for the weekend! That is not fair! I want to go to Ink's house! I never go anywhere!

Mom and her people girlfriends all went to Ink's house and stayed up too late and laughed and talked and had something called a slumber party. I like parties! Why can't I go with Mom and stay up too late and laugh and talk and have something called a slumber party? That is not fair! I talked to Ink on the computer on Saturday and Ink said Mom and her people friends were being very mean to her. Ink said they were playing something called practical jokes on the cat and Ink was very mad about that. I told Ink that if I was there, I would bite and scratch all the people friends and make them leave the cats alone. Ink said the people friends did not play something called practical jokes on the dogs and that was not fair.

Mom and I had a long talk yesterday about her running off all the time and leaving me here with people kids and Mrs. Neighbor. Mom said that she would stay home with me this weekend and we would have a nice weekend doing stuff we like to do. We are going to send the big man to work on Saturday and me and Mom are going to do yard work and make our pretty flowers look nice again. I like helping Mom do yard work. I attack the water hose and hide in the bushes and scare Mom. I ride in the wagon and I chase birds.

I think Mom knows that she better be very nice to me because I am tired of her leaving me all the time. She will make it up to me because she does not want me to run away and live with other people. She likes me because I am a cool cat.

2007-07-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

Mom and the big man finally showed up last night. Mrs. Neighbor said they would be home from the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada. I waited for them but they did not come home and I was tired of waiting so I went out prowling.

This morning I came in the house and asked Mom why they were so late coming home and didn't she know a cat does not like to wait around. She said the airplane was late and then the big man lost the car at the airport. Mom does not lose our car when she goes to the airport, but leave it to the big man to lose something as big as a car. Mom and the big man had to look for a long time to find our car and the parking lot people had to help too. I told Mom she should just leave the big man at home so our car would not get lost again.

Anyway, Mom did not have time to tell me everything this morning because she had to go to work in her new office. Mom and the big man were very far away where they had to have a book with pictures in it called a passport to go there. They drove around in very tall mountains that had big pieces of ice on them bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. It was cold there and Mom did not it to be cold. They drove a bunch of places and saw a bunch of very tall mountains that had big pieces of ice on them bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. At one place they got in big car things that drove them right out on top of the big piece of ice bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. Mom was very scared because ice is slippery and she did not want the big car thing to slip into a hole. They rode for a long time in the big car thing and then they got out and walked on the big piece of ice bigger than our house and our whole street called a glacier.

After they walked around for a while, they got back in the big car thing and went back to their car. They drove around a lot and had a lot of fun looking at stuff. I don't know why they did not take me with them! I told Mom I am tired of staying home all the time while she takes the big man fun places. She told me cats cannot go to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada because cats do not have little books with pictures in them called passports.

I got news for Mom. I have a lot of stuff she does not know about because I hide things under her bed and in the big man's closet. How does she know I do not have a little book with pictures in it called a passport? I could walk around on big pieces of ice bigger than our house and our whole street because cats are sneaky and fast.

Mom also told me they saw bears at the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada and that cats should not be around bears. I am around bears all the time! I have one hid under her bed! Mom is always making excuses why I can't go with her. I am tired of it.

I am not scared of bears. I can go to the Cravitz house and borrow one of their little books with pictures in it called a passport. And I will not lose Mom's car at the airport because I am a cool cat.

2007-07-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

I had to sneak in through the cat hole to type this. Mom and the big man have gone away and left me here by myself. I am not happy about that. They went away to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada. Mom called Mrs. Neighbor to check on me and told Mrs. Neighbor that they are hiking and walking on ice and having lots of fun. They are coming home soon and I will be waiting for them so I can bite and scratch them both. I am tired of being home alone. They are not taking good card of me when they leave me here. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-07-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

Me and Mom and the big man like a lot of the same things. We all like milk. We like to have coffee in the morning and we really like our porch in the back in the screen around it so the grey cat can't get in. We like sitting outside and we like to work in our yard and our pretty flowers.

Me and Mom and the big man all like birds. I don't think we like them the same. Mom and the big man like to watch them play and they really like to hear them chirping in the mornings. Mom has a nice round water bowl for birds to splash in. She likes to watch the birds and I like to sneak up on them and catch them.

We have pictures of chickens all in our kitchen. The people kid April who makes people houses pretty says Mom needs to stop putting pictures of chickens around. Mom likes chickens a lot, and not just the dead ones that people eat. She thinks chickens are very funny because they are very stupid, like dogs. When Mom was a little girl, she stayed at her people grandmother's house where a bunch of chickens lived. Mom said the chickens were so stupid they would stand out in the rain and drown because they would not get under the house. Because Mom liked chickens when she was little, the big man bought her some to put in our new flower bed, but these chickens won't drown.

Mom has pretty pink birds in our back flower bed and the people kid Julie says Mom's pretty pink birds are called redneck. She tells Mom to get those redneck birds out of our yard and Mom will not do it. I know about chickens and other birds, but until the people kid Julie told us the birds were rednecks, I did not know about redneck birds. I have talked to my friends Ink and Sammie and asked them if they knew about redneck birds. Sammie has heard of rednecks before but did not know they were birds. Ink did not know about redneck birds.

We have mean birds around our house that screech at me and fly down and try to peck me called mockingbirds. I get very tired of the mean birds, they get on my nerves. Last night I was helping Mom and the big man work in the tent houses in the yard and the mean bird was trying to get me. He would not leave me alone, he was flying all over me and trying to peck me. I was trying to work and help the big man and Mom and had to keep hissing at the mean bird. I sat down in the yard and the bird just kept flying to me. Mom was laughing because the bird was trying to peck me. I was very mad! It is not cool for a bird to peck a cat! I tried to swat the bird down but he was too mean and too fast.

This morning I came in and had coffee with Mom. She put on her white shoes with laces and a cap to run away. When she got back, I went out in the garage to roll around with her and do stretches called yoga. That mean bird came into the garage chirping at me and trying to get me! I am tired of that bird! It will not leave me alone!

Mom went in the house so she could get ready to go her new office and work. I told her I did not want to go in the house and I would come in later to help her in her office. She tried to talk me into coming in the house but I did not want to.

I am a smart cat. I stayed outside this morning to take care of some stuff. I am not worried about that mean bird anymore. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-07-10T17:37:00.000-07:00

Mom and the big man worked very hard and packed up all the tent houses and a bunch of plastic boxes with stuff in them. They put all their stuff on the trailer and tied it down.

They went to get the people kid Will and they were all excited. They were talking about all the fun they were going to have going camping to the place where there are bears and lots of people trails in the woods call the Smoky Mountains. I was very sad because Mom said I could not go too. My very smart internet friend, Lucy, who lives with stupid dogs where two cities look alike called Minnesota told me that I should wait until they are leaving and lay in the middle of the driveway so they have to stop and pick me up to leave. I tried that, but I must have done it wrong because it did not work. They just kept going.

Mom and the big man got to the place where there are lots of bears and lots of people trails in the woods called the Smoky Mountains and set up all their tent houses and got all their boxes with stuff in them off the trailer. They went for long hikes up tall mountains, they ran into bears and deer and they rode their bicycles on the people trails in the woods. They went swimming in a very cold creek and laughed and talked a lot.

The people kid Will told me that other people were camping at the place where there are lots of bears and people trails in the woods called the Smoky Mountains and they had their cat with them! Yes they did! They had a nice steel cage for the cat to be outside and the cat got to sleep in a tent house at night! I am so mad! See! Cats can go camping too! I was very mad at Mom and the big man about the nice steel cat cage. They could get me one of those too. But no, they are always too busy getting things for people babies instead.

I am not scared of bears or deer and I could have gone on long hikes in the mountains and the people kid Will said other people were riding their stupid dogs on the bicycle seats meant for people babies. I have told Mom a bunch of times that I can ride in the people baby seats on her bicycle but does she let me? NO. I don't see why I did not get to go camping.

Mom and the big man had their tent houses by the river. Mom said every night a flock of geese came to bother them and beg for food. Geese are birds and cats eat birds. I could have taken care of those geese for Mom and the big man. But no, I did not get to go.

I also found out that on Thursday, the people kid Julie and her man came to the tent houses and stayed a bunch of nights with Mom, the big man and the people kid Will. They made a fire when it got dark and sat around it and talked. I like to sit around and talk! But did I have anyone to talk to at home all by myself? NO. After I go to all the trouble to catch nice moles, they are not much in the mood for talking.

On Friday, Mom, the big man, the people kid Will, the people kid Julie and her man got up early from their tent houses and drove a long way to a place where the water is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River. They put on helmets and big shirts with heavy stuff in them called life jackets. They got in boats with air in them and paddles called rafts. They put their put their boats with air in them and paddles called rafts and got in the place with water that is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River and got splashed around and ran into rocks and turned over and fell out and screamed and dropped off big rocks and lost their paddles and found them and went under the water that is very cold and fast down the mountain and they had to work very hard to not drown. I am glad I did not go to that. Cats do not like water and I don't think I would be very happy about the place with water that is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River.

Mom and the big man got home on Sunday, they had been gone for 7 days and 7 nights. I was mad at them for leaving me, but I was very happy to see them because I wanted to come in the house and drink fresh water out of my big water bowls. Mom and the big man worked very hard to get all their tent houses and plastic boxes with stuff in them unloaded and unpacked. The big man set up all the tent houses and plastic boxes to wash them off and I got to play in them. That was fun. I also played with Mom and the big man too.

But wouldn't you know it, the very next day, I had to do chores. Mom told me I had a lot of laundry to fold because I had not folded any in a week. Well. I couldn't fold laundry because I could not get in the house! What does she expect? I have been working very hard to get my chores done. I am glad Mom and the big man are home because I like Mom to pet me and love me so I know she likes me best. I'm glad the big man is home because I like to fight with him and bite and scratch him. It is not cool to have to bite and scratch yourself so I'm glad he is here. Because I am a cool cat.

2007-06-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

Mom got home from her girl trip to the place where it is very windy and pizza is good called Chicago. While she was gone, the big man got out a new tent house I have never seen before and put it up in the back yard. I was checking it out really good to see if maybe it was a tent house that would keep Eatemups out.

When Mom got home, she was very happy about the new tent house and she had to go look at it. I asked her if the tent house was a good one that cats could stay in and Eatemups could not get in. She said no it was not, cats cannot go camping.

Mom and the big man and the people kid Will are going far away soon because they are taking something called a vacation. They are packing up all the tent houses and a lot of other stuff and going far away to the mountains. I want to go with them but Mom says I have to stay home. That is not fair!

I was so upset about not going camping that I started itching and scratching. Mom noticed I had scratches on me and she put me in the car and took me straight to Dr. Smith's hospital. I do not like Dr. Smith's hospital! There are sick cats in there! There are stupid dogs in there! It is no place for a cool cat like me! At least Mom did not leave me there like she always does. Dr. Smith looked at my scratches and told Mom I had something called allergies. I do not have allergies! I have cat hair! I don't know what an allergy looks like!

Dr. Smith gave me a shot. One of these days I am going to bite and scratch him.

I have been all sad because I can't take a vacation too. I looked under the little house in the back called the shed to see if maybe there was a vacation under there I could take, but I don't know what a vacation is so I did not find one. Mom and the big man are getting their camping stuff ready. I just sleep by their sleeping bags in the living room and dream about going camping too.

One of these days I am going sneak in the tent house box and go camping too, I don't care if there are Eatemups there. I need to go camping. Camping is cool, Mom and the big man do it all the time and I want to go too because I am a cool cat.

2007-06-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

Mom has been doing stuff different and I think she is trying to confuse me.

Mom and the big man go to work in the morning. Sometimes the big man gets home when he is supposed to and they put on white shoes with laces and caps and run away. But they always come back. Then we work in the yard or do our chores.

Well, Mom has been doing stuff to confuse me. The big man wakes her up early and when the big man goes to work early in the morning, Mom puts on her white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away. She comes back. But Mom does not like to do stuff early in the morning. She is a sleepy head. If the big man did not wake her up, she would sleep until lunch time. But now Mom gets up and puts on white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away.

I stay outside in the morning so I can hide and scare Mom when she is walking around. She told me she is trying to exercise everyday. She said that if she waits until after she works, she is tired and it is hot outside so the best thing for her to do is get up early and run away. I told her if she really wanted to get exercise everyday, she should stay out with me at night and chase moles! That's how I stay skinny!

Mom told me this morning that she is going on a girl trip with her people mom and the people kid Julie. They are going to the place where it is very windy and the pizza is really good called Chicago. Do you think they invited me to go on their girl trip to the place where it is very windy and the pizza is really good called Chicago? NO! They did not! I have to stay home with the big man, like always.

I have not been in trouble in many days, I don't see why I have to stay home. The big man has to work all the time and I don't have anyone to bite and scratch. This is no fun at all. I told Mom that I am going to confuse her by going to stay and Mr. and Mrs. Black's house for a while. I told her if she really liked me, she could send my cat treats down there so I could have those while I'm confusing her.

One of these days Mom is going to take me on a trip. Because I am going to be sneaky and cool and hide in her big red suitcase. Because I know how to be sneaky and I am a cool cat.

2007-06-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

On the day that was Saturday, it was a good day at our house. Mom and the big man did not have to go to work and we had coffee on our porch with the screen around it so the gray cat can't get in. We read the paper and talked about stuff.

Then Mom and the big man put on their white shoes with laces and caps and ran away, but like always, they came back. We had lunch and then we went outside and we worked in our yard. The big man was working in the flower beds to make them nice so I will have a nice place to poo.

Most of the time when we work in the yard, we work all day and then Mom fixes us a big supper and we eat and then it is time to watch a movie or just go to bed. I should have known it was a regular Saturday on this Saturday because we finished our yard work and then Mom and the big man got cleaned up and put on nice clothes and left.

They were gone a long time and when they came back, the car was full of sacks from Walmart. I was very glad about that because I was about to run out of cat treats. I helped Mom and the big man unload all our stuff by running in and out of the door and attacking the sacks.

Then I knew there was going to be trouble. Mom started cooking stuff but it was past supper time. She said she was cooking special stuff because the next day was a special day for the big man where all the people kids and people babies were coming over to eat a lot of food and everybody was bringing the big man a present because it was a special day called Father's Day.

Why do those people babies always have to come over? They were just here last weekend! I am so tired of people babies! I told Mom that if the big man wanted to have a special day called Father's Day with people babies then he should go to their house and leave us alone! I do not like special days! I want the people babies to stay home!

Mom and the big man went to the place where people are nice to each other for a few minutes called church and when they got home, they worked very fast. The big man got my big water bowl out and filled it up with water. Then they got chairs out and Mom cooked more good food. Then a car pulled up and oh no! It was Red Head Boy!

He got in my big water bowl in the yard and splashed and played. He ran in the sprinkler and chased me with a wet ball. I had to hide from him under the table.

Then Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy came and the big man's people mom and dad. All the people kids of the big man were here. Everybody sat in chairs and there was not a chair left for me to sit in! I wanted to help the big man have a special day called Father's Day but the people babies kept bothering me. Black Hair Boy chased me and pulled my tail. Black Hair Girl tried to give me a bite of her jello and I took a bite just to be nice and then she chased me around and kept putting jello on me and saying "Monkey wikes jew-wo." Monkey does not like jew-wo! Monkey likes cat treats!

I ran under the fence to Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's yard to get away from Black Hair Girl and she started crying. Mom told me I was being mean to run away so I came back and just laid down and Black Hair Girl put red jello on me! I do not like red jello!

The people babies all got in Mom's big bathtub because they were dirty. Mom had to clean them off because they cannot lick themselves like cats can. The people kids finally left and thank goodness they took all their people babies with them! Me and Mom and the big man were very tired and we were glad they went home to their own houses. We just relaxed and took it easy and were cool. I know how to do that because I am a cool cat.

2007-06-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

Everybody is mad at our house! I am mad! Mom is mad! The big man is mad, but we don't care about him!

On the day that was Thursday, I was out prowling and hunting and doing cat stuff all night and I knew it was about time for Mom and the big man to get up so we could have coffee. I had me a fat bird and I was not through with it, so I took it the house. The big man came in the kitchen and saw me playing with my fat bird.

He got mad! He yelled at me! He said Mom told me not to bring fat birds in the house! I am tired of this! I opened my mouth to yell back at the big man! The fat bird got away!

While the fat bird was trying to get away on the floor, I told the big man that Mom did not say I couldn't bring fat birds in the house! She told me I could not bring MOLES in the house! My fat bird is not a MOLE! Is the big man blind?

Me and the big man were both chasing my fat bird trying to catch it. I was so mad at him! I was hissing and scratching and biting because he was trying to get my fat bird! I finally caught the fat bird and the big man threw us both out! I was growling at him the whole time!

The big man woke Mom up and he was mad because there were bird feathers all over our kitchen. I was mad because he yelled at me and made me almost lose my fat bird in the house and then he tried to take it away from me. I went outside and did not come back in the house for a whole day because I was so mad at the big man.

Mom left on the day that was Friday for a little while. The big man got home before Mom got back and I decided not to be mad at him anymore so I went in the house to see him and we waited for Mom to get back home. Then I was very mad again! Mom had people babies! Two of them - Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy. Why can't a cat get a break in this house?

The people babies chased me and hit me and Black Hair Boy stands over me and screams and then he pulls my tail and he bothered my nice bowl of cat treats and oh, how I hate people babies! I went outside and ran down the street to Mr. and Mrs. Baptist's house to stay for a while because they have nice little people kids and NO people babies.

The people babies stayed at our house and slept with Mom and the big man. They played in our yard and the big man finally got my new big outside waterbowl out and put water in it but then they let the people babies play in it. At supper time I saw them leave and I was very happy that the people babies did not stay for another night.

On the night that was Saturday, Mom and the big man came home after bedtime. Mom was mad! She was yelling when she got out of the car! I was laughing because I thought she was mad at the big man and yelling AT him, but she was not mad at the big man. She was mad at the airplane people and yelling TO the big man.

Mom does not need to be mad at the airplane people. She knows that every time she goes to the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta, that bed things happen. The airplane people in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta called Mom on her cell phone and told her not to go to the airplane in the morning because it would not be there. Mom says she does not like to go away on airplanes all the time, so I thought she would happy that the airplane would not be there. But she was not happy!

She said that she had to go to work to the place where there are nice beaches and food costs a lot of money called Palm Beach and it was far away and if she did not have an airplane, she could not go to work.

Well then I got mad about the airplane people too because if Mom does not go to work, she does not get any money and if she does not have any money, she cannot buy me cat treats.

Mom stayed on the phone yelling at the airplane people in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta and she was saying loud words that I am not allowed to say. She fussed at them for a very long time, then she came downstairs and packed her big red suitcase and she was mad at the suitcase and yelling at it too. The big man was trying to sleep because it was in the middle of the night and I was just hiding under the bed to stay away from a very mad Mom.

Mom got in the bed for a few minutes and then had to get up in the middle of the night to drive very fast to the airport. She told the big man there better be an airplane there or she was going to be very ugly to the airport people again.

The big man went back to bed after Mom left and I stayed under the bed in case she got really mad again and came back. She did not. She called the big man on the phone and said the airplane people found another airplane for her and she is in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta and she would get on another plane and go to the place where there are nice beaches and food costs a lot of money called Palm Beach.

I decided to just go outside and hide in the nice swing for the day. Something bad always happens to Mom in Atlanta and I don't want to be around when she calls the big man to tell him what it is. I've had enough yelling, yelling is NOT cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-06-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

It is hard to be a cat around here. I'm always getting in trouble for just doing cat stuff.

On Saturday night, I was very happy because the people kid Will was here and I have not seen him in a very long time. I wanted him to know how happy I was to see him, so I got him a nice mole. I was taking it up the stairs to him when Mom saw me. She yelled at me and told me to get my nice mole out of the house.

I told her that I was taking the nice mole to the people kid Will, it was his present. She told me I was not supposed to bring moles in the house. I had to tell her that she did not tell me I could not bring moles in the house! She told me I could not EAT them in the house! I was not eating my nice mole in the house! I was giving it to the people kid Will!

She told me that moles could not come in our house any more and she took it from me. I growled at her because I was mad that she was taking away my nice mole for the people kid Will. She put it out in the garage and put me out too. Hmph.

Then the people kid Justin came over on his loud toy called a motorcycle on Sunday. We were sitting out on our patio around our outside table. Mom made us a big plate of cookies! I love to play with cookies! She put the big plate of cookies on the table, but I could not reach them. So I climbed up on the table and put my paw in the big plate to get me a nice cookie to play with. Mom yelled at me! She told me cats cannot get on the table and play with people food! I couldn't reach the cookies, how else was I supposed to get me one?

Today I got in trouble AGAIN. Mom seemed to be busy up in her office and I was tired of napping so I went upstairs to help her. I could tell she was on the phone and I did not want to sneak up on her so I started meowing very loud as I walked to her office so she would know I was coming. Then I jumped on her desk to start working. I did not know that she was on a conference call with a bunch of very important people in a place far away where Bruno and Sullivan live called North Dakota. The very important people in North Dakota heard me meowing and Mom got mad at me about it. Cats meow! I am a cat! I am supposed to meow!

Anyway, I just gave up and went back down to my napping place. I will try to stay out of everyone's way because I am tired of getting in trouble for doing cat things. It is not cool, I don't like it because I am a cool cat.

2007-05-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

I got caught on Mom's laptop chatting with my friend Sammie.

Mom knows I have internet cat friends, but she said she thought we just emailed each other. She did not know we were chatting on line. I do not know why this is a problem. Sometimes cats have stuff to talk about and we like to chat too.

Mom says that Sammie's mom may not be happy about her chatting with a cat like me on line. She also got mad because I messed up her laptop a little bit. I can't help it, it is very hard to type on those little keys with paws and no opposable thumb. Mom told me I can email my internet cat friends, but I can't chat and use a web cam with them. She said people get in trouble doing stuff like that she does not want me getting in trouble on the internet.

I hope that Sammie did not get in trouble for chatting with me. We were just talking about cat stuff, that's all. Cats need friends. Friends are cool and I am a cool cat.

2007-05-30T07:15:00.000-07:00

Everyone is home now.

I got very lonesome when Mom and the big man were camping in the woods with Eatemups. The people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist came to feed me and they played me for a few minutes, but that was not enough. A cat needs more than a few pats on the head sometimes.

So I decided to go stay down the street for a few days. We have a lot of nice neighbors on our street, all except for the neighbor mom calls Mrs. Cravitz who tattles on me all the time. There is a house down the street with a very nice neighbor family and I like them a lot. They are called Mr. and Mrs. Black and they are the same color as me. Mom and the big man like them a lot because Mrs. Black works at a place called the YMCA where people run fast inside and pick up heavy things called weights. Mrs. Black puts on white shoes with laces and runs away just like Mom and the big man.

Mr. and Mrs. Black like me a lot and when I go down there to stay for a few days, they feed me and pet me and let me sit in their nice chairs in their back yard. They have people kids that play with me too. Mom says that I should not go down there and stay for a long time because I live here and I am her cat, not Mr. and Mrs. Black's cat. Mrs. Black told Mom that I could come down there and stay any time I wanted to because they like me a lot.

Anyway, I came home this morning and Mom was not happy because I was gone for a long time. I played with her for a while and I fought with the big man too. He was wrestling with me and I had to bite and scratch him. Me and Mom sat out on the porch in the back with the screen around it so the big grey cat can't get it. We talked about a bunch of stuff. Since I have been gone down to Mr. and Mrs. Black's house, the birds in our yard have started coming to our garage and eating my food. I was mad about that! Mom said it was my fault for going away a long time and not keeping the birds away.

Mom told me the people man who lives in our guest house who is allergic cats is moving away. I asked her if I could live in the guest house now and she said no.

Mom and the big man had fun camping in the woods with their tent houses. I was very mad because she told me the people baby, Red Head Boy, and his mom came to the woods too. The people kid Will that I like almost as much as the people kid Justin, came to the woods too. I have not seen the people kid Will in a very long time. Mom told me he was coming to visit our house this weekend and I like that. The people kid Will is a fun people kid. He lets me hang out with him and watch movies.

Mom said she has a lot of work to do in her office so I am up here helping her for a while. I need to take a nap so I told her I could only work for a little while. She said that would be OK because she likes me. She lets me do stuff I want to do because she is a cool Mom and that is good for me because I am a cool cat.

2007-05-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Mom was working very hard in her office yesterday. I wanted her to come out and play with me but she said she had to do a lot of work to do because she could not work all day on Friday. I like to help Mom when she is busy because she helps me out a lot with the big man, so I went to her office to help her do her work.

I found out the reason she had to work so hard to get her work done is because Mom and the big man packed up all their tent houses and sleeping stuff and they are going camping in the woods. Do you think they invited me? NO. I never get to go anywhere.

I did not like it when I found out and I told Mom is not fair that the big man gets to go everywhere with her and the people babies go sometimes too and I have to stay home. Mom told me that there are Eatemups in the woods that eat cats for dinner and that she does not want me to get eat up by an Eatemup. I told Mom that I am a fast cat and I can climb trees and I know how to run away. I run away from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us all the time. I can climb way up in trees too.

Mom says Eatemups can run faster than cats and climb in trees too. I told her I would stay in the tent and the Eatemups could not get me. She said Eatemups can get in tents too. I was very mad about the Eatemups. I told Mom that if Eatemups are that bad, she should not go camping in the woods either. Mom says Eatemups only eat cats and they don't bother people. Just my luck. Why can't Eatemups just eat the big man? A bunch of Eatemups could have a good dinner if they ate him up.

Well. I do not like Eatemups and I hope they never come to our house.

I asked Mom how I was going to get my cat food while she and the big man are gone. The teenager that comes over to Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's house is a teenager and she forgets things all the time and forgot to feed the last time Mom and the big man were not home. Mom told me that there are some people kids down the street that are the people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist and they are going to come down here with their people mom and feed me, give me water and play with me. They will also water our pretty flowers that we worked so hard to put in pots.

Mom says I will like the people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist. They will take care of me and Mom will give them lots of money. Because she knows I am important. She does not want me to go camping and get eat up by an Eatemup and she wants me to have good food and someone to play with. Because she likes me best because I am a cool cat.

2007-05-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm still having problems at home.

Mom got home from the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. I was waiting for her because the big man tattled on me for bringing my nice mole in the house and we got in a fight over it.

I told Mom what happened and that the big man was stealing my dinner and he threw it away before I was finished. Mom told me that cats can only eat cat food and treats in the house and cats have to eat nice moles and birds outside because they are messy. I told her that was not fair and she told me that people could only eat watermelon outside because it was messy like moles and birds. I didn't like it, but I told her OK.

My friend Ink's mom asked Mom how I got the nice mole in the house. Well, I have a cat hole! I made it myself! I can go in and out all day long through my cat hole!

Mom and the big man leave the big doors open when it is not winter. My cat hole goes to the porch in the back with the screen so the grey cat can't get in. Mom leaves the big door open to the living room so I can get in and out by myself. So I just brought my nice mole dinner in through the cat hole.

The big man does not like my cat hole and he got mad when he first saw it but Mom told him to leave it alone. She said I have to run from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us and it is good if I can come in the house to get away from them.

Me, Mom and the big man have been working very hard in our yard planting flowers and putting rocks around dirt where I can poo. The people kid Justin gave Mom a nice bowl for our yard where she puts water and birds come to swim called a bird bath. Me and Mom both like the bird bath a lot. She likes to watch the pretty bird swim in the water and I like to catch them and eat them. Yummy.

Well, the big man decided the birds are pretty too and he makes sure there is always water in bowl for our yard where there is water and birds come to swim called a bird bath. Last night Mom and the big man put on white shoes with laces and a hat and ran away for a while. When they came back, we worked in yard. The big man was putting rocks around dirt in the front and Mom was planting flowers in the back. I was watching the bowl with the birds swimming for some dinner. I caught me a big pretty blue bird and was going to take it around back to eat it and the big man got mad at me! I was not taking it in the house! But he got mad anyway! He made me let the pretty blue bird get away! I do not like the big man!

He went to the back and told Mom that I am a killer cat and I killed a pretty bird. What is wrong with the big man? Does he not know that a cat has to eat? Mom has pictures of pretty roosters in our kitchen and that does not stop the big man from eating chicken!

Mom told the big man that cats are supposed to eat birds and moles and he should be happy that I am being a good cat. Last year he was all mad at me because we have a lot of moles in our yard and I did not want to kill them. Now he is mad because I do. What is wrong with the big man? Never mind. I know what's wrong with him. He is not cool, that's what. He is not like me, I am a cool cat.

2007-05-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

The big man is very mad at me. But I am cool and I don't care.

Mom is still out of town to the place with Red Head Boy. Me and the big man are home.

I was out hunting and found me a nice mole for dinner. The big man was busy doing stuff. I came in to eat my nice mole and when I got it in the house, it woke up and started running around the living room. I thought it was funny that my nice mole was in the house so I played with it for a while.

The big man was working on his computer and I was glad because I didn't want him bothering my nice mole. After I played with the mole for a while, I got more hungry so I started eating it. It was a very crunchy mole with lots of bones and I was enjoying my dinner a lot. I just needed some nice drinking stuff to go with it but I didn't have any.

Anyway, the big man must have heard me crunching the nice mole that was my dinner. He kept asking me what I was crunching. I ignored him because he never listens to me anyway and kept eating. MMMmmmm....

The big man came over to see what I was eating, I think he expected me to share my nice mole with him, but I was down to the good juicy part and I was not about to share that with him! He can go catch his own nice mole! That is my nice mole!

He saw me eating the juicy parts of my nice mole and he got all worked up and started yelling at me! He was really really mad, but I was not sharing the juicy parts with him! He can catch his own nice mole! Me and the big man got in a fight over my nice mole and I had to bite and scratch the big man and the big man hit me and threw me out in the garage! I hate the big man! He stole my nice mole! That was my nice mole! I am so mad at the the big man! I was just to the good juicy part!

The big man got on the phone to Mom and tattled on me! He told Mom he to clean up guts off our carpet and he was mad at me. Well, I got news for the big man! I am mad at him too and I am never bringing my nice moles in the house again! He can catch his own moles!

I want Mom to hurry up and come home so I can tell her my side of the story. She will be so mad at the big man for stealing my dinner. She loves me and she wants to me to have good things to eat. I did not catch that nice mole for the big man to eat. That was my dinner. If the big man wants to eat moles, he needs to act cool and catch his own. Like I do, because I am a cool cat.

2007-05-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

I thought Mom was going to come outside and visit with me on our nice porch in the back with the screen so the big grey cat can't get in. But she did not. She is the bedroom packing the big red suitcase and a floweredy one too. She has a bunch of clothes and more shoes than I can count.

She is going to the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. She is going to stay in a nice hotel with a porch with chairs where she can see the beach. I am very mad about that because I want to go too and she never takes me any where. I always have to stay home with the big man and well, he gets on my nerves.

Mom says cats cannot go with her on airplanes. Cats CAN go on airplanes. My internet cat friend Lucy, who is very very smart about everything told me that cats have special bags they ride in and they can go on airplanes. Most of the time it does not bother me too bad that Mom goes away and leaves me at home. But this time people are going with her but not me. Yes, one of the people babies is going to the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. Red Head Boy is going with her! And I am staying home with the big man! That is not fair! Red Head Boy needs to stay home with the big man!

I am so tired of those people babies. They come to our house all the time and they need to stay at their own houses. They bother our nice stuff and they poo in their pants and smell bad. Last Saturday when all the people babies were here, Black Hair Girl picked Moms pretty flowers in the pots and Red Head Boy pee peed in my new water bowl in the back yard. Black Hair Boy got by the window in the kitchen and fell out of it! He did! Mom had to jump out the window to save him! Mom is too old to jump out of windows, even if they are short windows.

The big man fussed at Mom about jumping out the window to save Black Hair Boy. He was not even hurt, he just had our new mulch on him. I tried to tell the big man that he should tell the people kids to stay home and keep those people babies with them. But then what does Mom do? She takes one of them to the place she likes very much with a beach and sand and water called Destin.

Well. I am not happy about this, but I will not whine and cry like that punk Jesse from down the street. Because cool cats don't do that and I am a cool cat.

2007-05-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. I am so glad this weekend is over.

We had a busy week last week. Mom went away to the place where people hit balls with sticks in a big park wearing red shirts called Ohio. She was not gone very long and nothing bad happened there.

When she got home on Wednesday, she started doing lots of work in our yard. I was very excited! Mom and the big man got me a present! I was so happy! It is a nice big water bowl for the back yard! It gets hot around here in the summer and a cat needs lots of water! I filled my big water bowl up and I was a very happy cat. When I get hot or thirsty, I just go to my big water bowl and play around. Mom is so nice to me. Or at least I thought so last week.

Well.

On Friday Mom left after she worked in her new office upstairs and when she came back, what did she get out of the truck? A people baby! It was Red Head Boy. He came to stay with us. I was not happy, but then he gave me some of his chicken nuggets when Mom was not looking so I decided to like him. He pets me and talks to me so maybe he's not so bad. I played outside all night and when I came in Mom and the big man were having coffee. Red Head Boy was still sleeping. A big people kid came to our house and Mom and the big man left. The big people kid played with me and Red Head Boy for a while. She was very nice and talked to us about her horses. I liked her and she should come over and play with me more often.

Mom was gone for a while and when she came back I was very upset! She had Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy with her! All three people babies! Oh no! I wanted to run away. But it gets worse. After Mom and the big man rode away on the bicycles with the people babies, they put them in my new water bowl in the back yard! That is MY water bowl! Get those people babies out of it! They will poo in my water bowl! I don't like poo in my water bowl!

I was so mad at Mom! And the big man! And all the people babies!

The people babies stayed at our house all day. They chased me and pulled my tail. They bothered me in my napping place. They cried and they pooed in their pants and made our nice house smell bad. People babies are no good! Well, except when they give me their chicken nuggets. Sometimes all I have to do is ask for one and I get it. People babies share sometimes.

I knew that a bunch of people would come to our house because Mom cooked a bunch of food. Every time she cooks a bunch of food, a bunch of people show up.

More people kids came over, Black Hair Boy and Black Hair Girl's people mom and dad came over, the people kid Julie came, the people kid Justin came over and brought his girl. Mom's people mom and dad came over and the big man's people mom and dad came too. All the people ate too much food. The people babies threw some of their food on the floor and I cleaned it up for Mom.

All the people laughed and talked and they gave Mom cards and presents. I felt bad that all the people had stuff for Mom and I didn't so I went out and got her a mole. I brought it to the garage and the big man got mad at me! He shooed me away and threw Mom's mole away. I am so mad at him. I am going to poo in his lunch box.

I found out that it was a special day for Mom. No one ever tells me anything. I have been out hunting today and before the big man gets home, I am going to get Mom another mole. Because even if she acts like she likes those people babies, I know I am her favorite. So I'm going to give her a nice mole for her special day. Because I am a cool cat.