The big man does not like for Mom to leave the door open at night so that I can get in and out by myself through my cat hole. The big man thinks I will bring stuff in the house at night. Mom asked him what he thought I'd bring in and he said nice moles or fat birds. I've got news for the big man, I am not bringing him any more presents in the house, so he does not have to worry about that.

Since I stayed outside for a long time yesterday when Mom was all worked up about me eating a rubber band, I decided to stay in last night and sleep with her so she would forget that she was mad and give me some cat treats. The big man was taking a shower and me and Mom were in the bed talking about stuff. The big man came to get in the bed and he was all mad about me being in the middle of the bed. Where else is a cat supposed to sleep? He is the one who should sleep somewhere else because he makes loud sleeping noises.

I was still being nice to Mom this morning. She put on her white shoes with laces and a cap to run away and I decided to go with her for a little while. We walked around our street and wouldn't you know it, that punk Jesse that lives down the street came out of his garage hissing and bowing his back at me. I do not like that punk Jesse and I have to whoop him all the time for being a punk. I was not going to run from him so I stood there and hissed back at him. While we were standing there hissing at each other, the neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances let his stupid puppy dog out of the house. That stupid puppy dog came running over to where I was trying to be mean to that punk Jesse and then me and Jesse both had to hiss and run from the stupid puppy dog! A cat cannot fight a punk and puppy at the same time!

Mom was laughing at me about the stupid puppy dog and the punk Jesse. She told me I should not talk about the neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances because it is not nice to talk about stuff like that. See, last week, me and Mom were walking outside just before it was time to eat dinner. The neighbor who takes his clothes off in his front yard while he dances was riding on the loud toy that makes the grass short. All of the sudden, he jumped off the loud toy and started yelling and running and hopping and dancing. Me and Mom were afraid because we thought he was possessed with Halloween or something. He was slapping himself and hopping around in his yard and dancing and he took his clothes off! People are not supposed to take their clothes off in their front yards!

He was taking his shirt and slapping himself with it and yelling a lot. The other people neighbors went running over there and I thought they were all going to take their clothes off in the front yard and dance so I told Mom that we should go in our house right away. The other neighbors did not take their clothes off in the front yard and dance, so I was happy about that. They made the neighbor with no clothes on in the front yard go in his garage. Mom heard him yelling that little bugs called bees got him and that's why he had to take his clothes off in the front yard while he was dancing.

I don't know about little bugs called bees but Mom says sometimes they get in our yard too. I do not like that because I do not want to see the big man in our yard dancing and screaming and taking his clothes off. That is not cool and I would be embarassed. Because I am a cool cat.