At the place where Mom works to make money and buy me cat treats, the people do not want to spend a lot of money on work stuff. Mom has been trying to do things without spending her work's money called cheap. While Mom was trying not to spend too much work money, she had to go to the place where the wind blows her hair and makes her mad called Kansas City. She did not have enough time for the airplanes to get her there so she had to drive to the airport by the people kid Julie's house to not spend money called cheap and fly on a plane that does not cost a lot of money called Southwest. We do not have those kinds of planes at our airport, so Mom had to drive a long way to find one.

She drove to the people kid Julie's house and spent the night and was all happy about seeing the people baby, Pretty Girl. That was fine with me because if Mom sees the people babies at their own houses, they do not have to come to ours. Mom got on the plane that does not cost a lot of money called Southwest and went to the place where the wind blew her hair and made her mad called Kansas City and then she came back.

When she came home from the airport where the cheap airplanes are, guess what she had with her? Yep, that's right. That people baby Pretty Girl! Mom does not have to do that! She saw Pretty Girl at her own house! I was all worked up about Pretty Girl being in Mom's car and I was not a happy cat.

But then it got worse. Mom opened the back of her car and guess what she had in there? I asked Mom what was that? She told me it was a cat. Yes, I knew it was a cat, I am a cat, I know what cats look like. But why is that cat in Mom's car? Why is that cat at our house? We already have a cat! We do not need another one!

Mom told me the cat was lost and lived in the woods. A nice lady found the cat and tried to help the cat. The cat lost its Mom and big man. The cat needs a new place to live because it does not want to go the place where cats are in jail called the shelter.

I do not blame the cat, I do not want to go to the place where cats are in jail called the shelter, but that does not mean I want the cat to live at our house. Mom told me I was only thinking of myself called selfish. I do not care about that, I just do not want another cat bothering me, eating my cat treats. I was very mad about this. Mom told me that was too bad, the cat was staying.

The big man did not know a cat rode in Mom's car to our house. I was waiting for him so that I could tell him to make the cat go away. The big man walked in our living room and the cat was laying on the couch by Mom. The big man said, "What is that?" and Mom said, "It was here when I got home, I thought it was yours."

I started growling and hissing because Mom was telling a story that was not right called a fib! Mom brought that cat to our house!

The big man petted the cat and said he liked the cat and that Monkey needs a friend. NO! Monkey does not need a friend! Monkey needs cat treats!

I was so sad about this. I tried to hiss and growl at the cat so he would run away but he did not. I would not let him eat food out my cat bowl but Mom just got him a different bowl.

Mom said the new cat's name is Larry and she took him to Dr. Smith's hospital to see if he is sick. He was a little bit sick and had to stay and get shots. He must have been broken too because Mom told the big man she had the new cat Larry fixed while he was Dr. Smith's hospital. But then guess what happened? Dr. Smith said that Larry had little bugs from the woods called worms and that I might have them too! I do not have little bugs from the woods! There is nothing wrong with me! But what did Mom do? She took me to Dr. Smith's hospital where the stupid dogs bark all the time and I had to eat big rocks called medicine and get three shots! I had to take 7 naps to feel better.

So now we have another cat at our house named Larry. I still do not like him. He needs to have his own Mom and big man, I do not want to share mine. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

Every time I turn around, there are people babies at our house. I am very tired of it. Now that there are 5 people babies, there are too many. I am a busy cat. I do not have time to mess with people babies. It is spring time at our house, which means I have to kill things. I need to run around and be a cat, I do not have time to be nice to people babies.

The first people baby, Pretty Girl, came to our house with suitcases and stayed for too many days and nights. Pretty Girl's people mom and dad went far away where there are mountains and not enough air called Colorado to put sticks on their feet called skis and fall down on snow. We had snow and I did not like it. I would not go far away to the mountains where there is not enough air called Colorado just fall down on snow! But Pretty Girl stayed a long time. She cannot crawl or walk so she cannot get me, but she likes cats so Mom made me be nice to her. I did not want to be nice to her! I wanted to go outside and get a fat bird!

It wasn't long after Mom and the big man finally got rid of Pretty Girl that Tater Boy and Red Head Boy came to stay at our house. Tater Boy has not stayed at our house before, this was his first time. He can crawl on our new floors and he tried to bother me. I had to get on Mom's bed so he would not get me. Mom let Tater Boy take a bath in our sink. I did not like that because Mom washes my cat bowl in that sink and it does not need a Tater Boy in it messing it up.

Red Head Boy is 4 people years old now and he thinks he is very smart. When Mom and the big man do not do what he wants, he gets all mad and does something Mom calls pouts. If I were Mom I would just throw him out in the garage like she does me. But does Mom do that? No, she does not! She talks to Red Head Boy and is all funny trying to make him smile so he will not pout.

Our house is just fine without people babies, I don't know why Mom and the big man get all worked up about them. They are a lot of trouble. Pretty Girl and Tater Boy poo in diapers and cough up hair balls all the time. Mom has to clean them up all the time. Red Head Boy pouts. Black Hair Girl cries and gets very sad about stuff called a drama queen. Black Hair Boy gets Mom's tools out of her red box and hits things with her nice hammer. Mom and the big man do not have to keep people babies, they have their own moms and dads and their own houses.

I do not like it when they are here because Mom and the big man act like they like the people babies better than me. The people babies get in my way. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

We have had problems with the people screaming on television about how cold it is called weathermen. One day they scream because it is warm in the winter time and then time they scream because bad stuff called snowstorms are coming. We live in the place where people say YALL and there is not supposed to be white ice on the ground called snow. We like it that way.

But the people were screaming on the television about a big storm and all the people listened. Even Mom left and went to Walmart to buy milk, bread and cat treats even though we had plenty at our house already. The big man said that is what people are supposed to do when big storms come. Maybe milk and bread will keep the storm from blowing our house away, I don't know. If it does, we are OK because we have plenty.

We went to bed on a day that was Saturday and when we woke up on Sunday, all our stuff and our yard was covered up by white ice called snow. Lots and lots of snow, more snow that I have ever seen before. Mom and the big man could not believe we had so much snow because we are not supposed to have snow in the place were people say YALL. My nice flower beds that the big man fixes up for me to poo in were all covered by snow.

Mom and the big man put on lots of clothes that were ugly called coveralls and went outside to play in the snow covering up our yard and all our stuff. I was not happy about this because I did not want to go out in the snow and I wanted them to play with me in the house. But they did not.

I did not want to go outside because snoe was everywhere and there was no place to sit. I did not think the snow was fun at all, but Mom and the big man walked around the yard in the snow and made balls out of the snow and threw them at each other. They watched our nice neighbors sliding up and down our street on flat fast things called sleds.

I got tired of watching all the fun outside and I had to poo so I decided to go outside too. I would not have gone out, but I really really had to poo and I knew that if I pooed in the house, the big man would yell and holler and Mom would throw me out in the garage. I did not like that idea. I have never pooed in snow, so I thought at least I could try it.

Cats do not like snow and ice. I am a cat. I do not like snow and ice.

I went back in the garage and waited for Mom and the big man to go visit Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor and I pooed in the garage behind the big man's Christmas present called the ping pong table. I am not going out on that snow and ice. That is too cold. I do not like being a cold cat. I am just a cool cat.

We have been too busy at our house and I cannot keep up with everything. The first thing that happened was Mom got a new car. She has been talking about a new car for 2 years and the big man told her to stop talking about it and just go get it. So one Saturday the big man told Mom he was taking her to eat food at the place she does not have to cook called Logan's Roadhouse. And before they went to eat food that Mom did not cook, they went to the place where people bother you a lot to buy their new cars called the Nissan Place and Mom got one. Mom likes it a lot and since I know how much she likes it, I watch over it for her.

The next thing that happened was that Mom went to the people doctor because her back hurts and she whines all the time called hypochondria. Me and the big man get tired of Mom whining all the time about her hurting back called hyponchondria so we made her go to the people doctor. The people doctor sent Mom to the place where they made her get in machines with loud noises all around her called tests. The people doctor told Mom she has a bad back and she has to go to the place where she gets on the floor and rolls around and stretches like a cat called physical therapy.

Mom is very mad about her bad back. She does not want her back to be bad and she is all grouchy about it. I do not like a grouchy Mom so I want her to get another back that is not bad.

The next thing that happened is Mom got another one of those projects at our house. This time we moved all our nice furniture out of our living room. My nice couch is in the kitchen with the piano. The other couch is the room where people sit around and eat too much food and it is very messy in there. Mom is not messy and I do not like it when she lets our house get all messy like this. I can't find my places to nap and I am nervous all the time. Mom had people come to our house with scissors and knives and they cut our floor off! They did, they cut it off and put it in their truck and drove it away! I was so mad about that!. Then they came back the next day and put a different floor in our living room. Mom is all excited about our new floor. Me and the big man did not see anything wrong with our old floor. It was soft and warm and if I coughed up a hair ball, it just soaked right in. Our new floor is not soft and warm and if I cough up a hairball on it, Mom will hit me with the broom and throw me in the garage.

Since our house is messy, we don't have to do a lot of chores. Me and Mom have been playing a new game on the computer called Pathwords and Twist. I get mad when we play because Mom always wins because I do not know how to spell words. I asked my internet cat friends Ink and Sammie about spelling words and they do not know how either. That is not fair that cats cannot win spelling word games. Maybe somebody needs to make a cat game for the computer so me and my internet cat friends can play. That would be cool and I am a cool cat.

I thought me and Mom would have a good time all week with the Big Man gone away to the place where people are very poor and do not have enough food called Nicaragua. But NO! What did Mom do the very first day? She went to the place where people sing sad songs and cry in their drinks call Nashville to see Pretty Girl. Mom left me some food and water on the porch with the screen around it so the grey cat can't get in but it was very cold and my water turned to ice. I was so mad about that. I had to go to the little house in the backyard called the guest house and asked the nice lady to give me some water.

It has been very cold at our house and Mom does not like that. One day we got up and there was white ice all over our yard called snow. We did not like that. When we have white ice called snow on our road, Mom cannot put on her white shoes with laces and run away and then she gets grouchy and worked up. I cannot dig a hole to poo in when we have white ice called snow and I get grouch and worked up about that. I thought about pooing in the big man's shoes but then Mom would find it and clean it up and she would get very mad at me and throw me out in the garage and not let me back in.

I have been staying the house a lot and fighting with my new cat toys. I have to go out for a few minutes to poo but then I come right back in and lay by the nice hole in the floor that blows out hot air. That makes me warm. I asked Mom to lay in the floor with me by the nice hole with hot air but she is too busy working in her new office and eating all the candy on the table in the living room. I told her she should leave some of that candy for the big man but she does not listen to me. Sometimes Mom is not cool. I am always a cool cat.

We had Mom's internet friends at our house for a bunch of days and nights. None of my internet cat friends got to come with their Moms and I am very mad about that. I was going to poo in all the internet Mom's shoes, but one of the Moms brought me a bag of toys and I did not want her to take them away so I left their shoes alone.

The Moms cooked too much food. They stayed up past bedtme and laughed and talked. They read books and typed on their computers a lot. I like all the Moms so I took turns laying in their laps so they could pet me.

Mom sent the Big Man away while the internet Moms were here because the Moms did not want boys to bother them. I do not want boys to bother me either but Mom does not send them away for me!

After the internet Moms left, the big man came home. Mom helped him pack up the big red suitcase. I was confused because Mom is the one who packs up the big red suitcase and goes away on airplanes. But this time the big man went away.

Yes, he did and it is just me and Mom here for a bunch of days and nights. The big man went to a place very far away where people are poor and do not have enough food called Nicaragua. The big man is helping people get food. He is working to build a place where people can go to act nice to each other for a few minutes called church. Mom talks to the big man on the computer. I do not get to talk to the big man at all.

I thought it would be nice without the big man here to bother me, but I do not have anyone to bite and scratch now. Mom gets mad and says loud words I am not allowed to say if I bite and scratch her. Sometimes she gets mad and throws me in the garage. I do not like that. So I have been fighting with my new cat toys and staying out of trouble.

Mom says the big man will be home on the day that is Saturday. I was very happy about that until I found out that Mom is going to get some of the people babies before the big man gets home. Mom is taking Black Hair Girl, Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy with her to get the big man from the airplane. That means they will stay at our house for days and nights and I do not like that. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

I have not told my internet cat friends stuff in a long time. Santa Claus did come to see me! I got cat treats and some new cat toys. I must have been a very good cat this year because I got a lot of cool cat stuff.

Right after Christmas, Mom got all worked up about getting our house cleaned up and all our Christmas stuff back to the hiding place called the attic. Me and the big man had to help her get stuff packed up and we did not like that because we were tired and needed to take naps. Mom was telling us to do stuff all the time called orders and we did not like that at all.

Me and the big man were fussing about Mom telling us to do stuff all the time called orders and he told me that Mom is having a big party at our house that will last a long time. He said that a bunch of Mom's internet friends are coming to our house to stay for a bunch of days and nights. He said Mom was our house to be neat and nice for her big party.

I did not believe the big man because well, he is the big man so I emailed my internet cat friend Sammie who lives in the place where a bunch of liars live called Washington DC. Sammie said that her Mom was coming to this big party and so is Ink's mom. When Mom was busy doing chores, I went to her new office upstairs and did a conference call with all my internet cat friends and found out that a bunch of my internet cat friends' moms are coming to our house. Lucy who is very smart and knows about numbers and lives in the place where two cities look a like called Minnesota said her mom is coming. My internet cat friend Frankie who lives in the place where the trees have no leaves and prickly things on them called cactus said his mom is coming. Bruno and Sullivan, who's mom made them ride in a cage in a car for a bunch of days and nights so they could move to a new house far away called New Hampshire said their mom is coming too. That stupid dog that Mom makes me be friends with called Snoopy that lives in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta is coming. Fuzzy's mom from the place where cars go around really fast in a circle called Indianpolis is coming too.

Me and my internet cat friends decided to ask our moms if they could come to the big party too and our Moms said NO. That is not fair. We want to have a party too! Our moms get to have a party with their internet friends, why can't we? We decided that we will poo in their shoes while they are gone.

The big man had a birthday. Of course the people babies had to come over so the big man could have his birthday. They chased me and Black Hair Girl put her necklace on me. I get so mad about that! I am a boy cat! I do not wear necklaces!

Black Hair Girl and Red Head Boy helped Mom make the big man a nice cake while Black Hair Boy chased me with a helicopter. I get so tired of people babies. They come to our house all the time.

Mom's big party with her internet friends starts tomorrow when Sammie's mom gets here. I have been helping Mom get things ready because if I don't she will not give me cat treats. I don't know what I will do when all the internet moms are here. I will try to poo in all their shoes when they are not looking because they did not bring my internet cat friends with them. We internet cats are cool too and we want a party too. This is not cool, I don't like it because I am a cool cat.