Mom is out of town at the place with the nice airport called Charlotte. She was trying to get all her stuff in her car and she was going in and out of the house. She could not find stuff that she needed and she was getting mad. I was going in and out of the house too so I could help her and she would not be mad. All of the sudden she went out and I didn't and I got locked in the house! All day! I was trapped!

I took a bunch of naps and tried very hard not think about having to poo. It was not fun. The big man finally got home at bed time and I did not even stay in to bite and scratch him, I ran straight outside to Mom's flower beds and took care of business.

I have more help from my internet cat friends about people babies. I have a friend named Lucy that lives way up there where two cities look alike called Minnesota. Lucy lives with a bunch of stupid dogs, a Mom, a Dad and two people kids. Lucy says she doesn't have any trouble with people babies because they never come over to her house, but she does have trouble with stupid dogs. Lucy's mom likes to take care of dogs when they don't have a home. So Lucy has to be bothered by lots of dogs sometimes. She said sometimes when the stupid dogs are trying to find her, she hides in a place they would never think to look - under their food bowl. See, I knew dogs were stupid.

But sometimes she can't hide and she has to just get out of their way, no matter what. I told Lucy that I can't stand dogs and I don't see how she puts up with them. She said it is not too bad, they can never catch her because she is fast and she can bite them if they bother her too bad.

My friend Schmuggums has a very good way he takes care of people babies that try to bother him. Schmuggums lives where they make cars and get into lots of fights called Michigan. He has a very nice Mom that likes to make other people's houses very pretty. He has a dad and a people kid that is one of those teenagers that forgets stuff and needs a haircut because he is a teenager and forgot. Schmuggums says he does not put up with people babies at all. He has no time for them. So he stares at them with his magic eyes and brainwashes them to leave him alone. That is so cool! I asked Schmuggums if he could teach me to do that too so I could wash brains and be left alone. I know I can do it if he shows me how because it is cool and I am a cool cat.

I have been in trouble and I did not do anything wrong. Mom was a little mad at me and told the big man we had a disagreement. I'm not sure what a disagreement is, I haven't seen one for real, but every time Mom says we have one, it is bad news for me because I get in trouble.

Mom and the big man went away to a place where a very important man was in a room hitting a thing called a piano and singing for a long time called Billy Joel. They did not come home at night. They did not come home in the morning and I was out of food. I did not know if they were coming home, so I went down the street to see if I could live with the neighbors for a while. I did not know Mom and the big man came home at lunch time so I didn't bother going home for a very long time. I walked down to our house just to see if Mom and the big man were home after it got dark. They were! I ran to the door because I was happy to see them and I thought they would be happy to see me. Oh, no! Mom was very mad because she thought I ran away.

I told her that she was the one that ran away and did not leave me enough food! She should be the one in trouble! We talked about it for a while and Mom said she asked a people kid from Mrs. Neighbor's house next door to come feed me, but the people kid forgot. Mom said the people kid is a teenager now so she forgets things. Anyway, me and Mom finally got everything figured out and we are not mad at each other any more.

Back to my friends and their people baby advice. I have 2 friends, Sullivan and Bruno, who live way up there where it is cold a lot called North Dakota. They live with just a Mom and she is a very cool Mom who lets people write on the bathroom walls. Sullivan and Bruno stay in the house a lot and they get to sleep in the bed with their mom because there is no big man making loud sleeping noises to bother them. They told me that they don't have people babies over at their house hardly at all, but if and when they do, they just go out to the garage and wait on top of their Mom's car until the people babies are gone. I have done that before too and it really does work.

My other friend, Fuzzy, is in a hard spot. Fuzzy was very happy to live with his mom and dad and one of those teenager people kids that forgets things a lot. Then one day, her mom went away and came back with a itty bitty people baby. At first that was not bad, but then her people baby did just what our's did: got big, started crawling and biting and bothering her. Fuzzy gets very tired from running away from her people baby. She has decided the best thing to do is to try and scare the people baby away. I have not tried this, but I hear people babies are coming to visit soon. This looks very cool and I will try it because I am a cool cat.

I'm finally home and I am still mad at Mom. She came to get me at Dr. Smith's hospital. I was very tired and nervous after listening to those stupid dogs laughing at me about my shaved leg. We were in the car and I was in her lap, like always. But I got tired of being in her lap so I walked around the car to look out the windows. I wanted to know the way home so the next time she leaves me at Dr. Smith's hospital, I can just walk home myself.

I was standing on a little step, looking out the window. My foot touched something and the window went down. I was trying to stick my head out the window to get some air, but would Mom let me? NO. She said I was trying to jump out and she grabbed my tail and threw me in the back seat! You are not supposed to throw sick cats with hurt legs in the car!

We finally got home and I napped. But now I have to tell you about more of my cat friends and people babies. I have two cat friends that live in place with a different flag where people talk funny sometimes called Canada. They are nice cats, one is a girl cat named Torpedo and one is a boy named Julius, only he does not have shaved legs. They were very happy living with their people, there was a mom, a dad and two people kids that were very nice to them.

Then their mom went away for a day or two and came back with a people baby! A little bitty one that cried all the time called Twink. At first Torpedo and Julius were not worried. If the people baby Twink cried and disturbed their naps, they just went to another room. But, just like my people babies, Twink got big. Now he crawls around and gets into their cat toys and bothers them a lot.

Julius figured out that his people really, really like the people baby Twink, so he decided he better be nice to Twink. I think Julius is selling out! But I don't know what he is selling!

Torpedo does not like the people baby Twink very much and stays away from him. The people at their house are very worried about Torpedo because ever since the people baby came to live at their house, she stays on the internet. They think she has an addiction, but she has cleaned herself twice and cannot find any addictions on herself at all.

Torpedo and Julius told me to hide under beds and to ignore people babies. Julius said if you play with them, you get used to having them bite you and stuff. He said after a while, a cat can get to like a people baby sometimes.

I'm not so sure about that. I want to be like Torpedo and just stay on the internet and talk to my cat friends. Forget the people babies! I think Torpedo has the right idea. She is cool just like me, the cool cat.

I need somebody to come help me RIGHT NOW!

I am in Dr. Smith's hospital and I want out! I want out right now!

Mom brought me here this morning and just left me! All I had was a sore leg, I didn't need to come up here and get left for Dr. Smith and his people to stick me with pins and make me eat rocks called medicine. And the most bad thing? THEY SHAVED MY LEG!!! I am a BOY! I am a CAT! I'm not supposed to have SHAVED LEGS!!!

This is so bad. This is worse than people babies. There are stupid dogs here and they are laughing at me because I am a boy cat with a shaved leg.

Mom called and said she would come get me in a little while. I can't wait for a little while! Somebody please come get me right now! This is not cool, not at all and I can't stand it. I am a cool cat.

I have had a very very hard weekend. Mom, who is usually a smart Mom did something very not smart this weekend. She went to get Red Head Boy and brought him home to stay at our house for 2 days and 2 nights.

Mom knows I have a big problem with people babies. They chase me, mess up my special bed, bite me, put food on my head, sit on me and they think they are my friends. People babies are NOT my friends! I have cat friends! They are not people babies!

I was very unhappy with Red Head Boy at our house. I had to run and hide and stay outside where it is very cold. Finally, Mom, the big man and the people went to the place where people act nice to each other for a few minutes called church and left me in the house by myself. I got to thinking that I can't be the only cat with people babies all around. I decided to get on the computer and ask my cat friends what they do about people babies. We made a club so we can talk about people babies called a support group. I know there are other cats out there that need to know how to deal with people babies, so I am going to tell you what my cat friends said. I have a bunch of cat friends so I will tell you stuff from some of them everyday until I tell you everything.

This is my cat friend Sammie Cat. Sammie lives in the place where very important liars live called Washington DC. Sammie Cat has a people baby with pretty blonde hair and a people kid with pretty blonde hair too. Sammie Cat says his mom is like my mom, she puts stuff out of the way so people babies can't hurt anything, yet leaves her out for the people baby to chase. She hides wherever she can. She is mad because her mom keeps taking her back to the hospital and she does not like it. Her hospital has stupid dogs in it too, and she gets nervous. Sammie Cat said we should get our support group together and make rules about Moms with people babies.

This is my friend Frankie the cat that lives in the place with no grass and trees with no leaves and prickly things on them called Arizona. Frankie is very lucky because he does not have people babies that come to his house and bother him. He says if they do, he gets under the bed or on the back of the couch where the people babies cannot get him. His mom does not have any people kids, and he hopes she never does. Because sometimes when your Mom has a people baby of her own, things get bad for a cat. That is so not cool, and we are all cool cats.

I'm tired of getting in trouble! Mom does not appreciate me and she did not get me a Valentine! Well, I'm not sure if she got me one or not since I don't know what that is.

I am mad today because yesterday Mom made a big deal about something called Valentine's. I don't know what that is but it has something to do with cooking stuff for the big man. She told her people nephew Anthony she was fixing a Valentine dinner for the big man. I didn't know what that meant. Maybe the big man was sick and he needed a dinner to feel better. Maybe she was mad at the big man and a Valentine dinner has bad stuff in it to make him poo a lot.

I figured out it wasn't bad because Mom and the people nephew Anthony ate the Valentine dinner too. They were fussing over it and talking about how good it was. No one would tell me anything so I went outside. I found a baby squirrel and I was very excited to show Mom. I scratched on the door to get in. She opened the door and saw me holding the baby squirrel and she yelled at me! She did! She yelled "you are not bringing that squirrel in the house" and she shut the door.

The people nephew Anthony came out to the garage and me and him played with the baby squirrel. It would try to get away and I would chase it. The people nephew Anthony would chase me and try to get it. We were having so much fun. Then the big man came out and got all worked up because he thought we were being mean to the baby squirrel. He told Anthony to put it outside so it could run away. What's wrong with him? Does he know how long it took me to catch that squirrel? The big man just gets on my nerves so bad.

Then today, I was helping Mom in the office. She had all her papers all over her desk, I could tell she needed my help really bad. While I was helping her drink her club soda, I accidentally knocked it over on all her papers. She was so mad at me! She was yelling loud words I'm not allowed to say! She pushed me off her desk! A cat can get hurt falling off a desk!

Mom never shares her club soda with me! I am a mad cat about that! I want to be uppity too. How can I be uppity like Mom if I can't have club soda? I'm going to run away to Walmart and get my own club soda so I can be uppity. I don't know what uppity is, but since Mom is uppity, it must be cool and I am a cool cat.

Ink's Mom called today on the internet. Ink is worried about me because I have been so busy that I don't use the computer.

It is very cold here and it snows sometimes. I know what snow is now and I don't like it. It makes the ground very hard in the flower bed and I can't scratch and poo out there when it is cold and hard.

Mom spends a lot of time fussing with people babies and I am tired of it. They come to our house and they play with my toys and try to get in my chair. Mom took Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy to the people kid Julie's house last week. The cats that live at Julie's house were very mad because they hate people babies. Kermie the cat hid under the bed and put pillows around like a fort. Katie the cat came out hissing and hissed the whole time. Black Hair Girl chased her and tried to touch her. She did not like that.

Since it is so cold outside, I stay in the house a lot. Today I was napping in my bed in the chair when Mom's people nephew Anthony started hitting the big thing in the living room called the piano and made a lot of noise. I did not like that because it woke me up. I need my sleep because I'm cold. I could not get away from the noise and had to go outside.

I think I will call Katie the cat and find out how Kermie the cat built a fort under the bed with pillows. Red Head Boy is coming over on Friday and I need to get ready. I'll hide under the bed where he can't get me. I am such a cool cat!

I am confused. Most of the time if someone packs the suitcase and goes away, it is Mom. Me and the big man have to stay home and do all the chores. The big man feeds me and lets me in and out of the house. Sometimes Mom and the big man pack the suitcases together and they both go away. Then Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor come over and give me food and cat treats and let me sit on their porch and have coffee in the morning.

Well, this time, the big man packed a suitcase and left and me and Mom are home. We've been doing chores and she feeds me and gives me cat treats. Me and Mom watch TV together and get in the floor and roll around and kick and do other stuff called yoga.

I don't know why the big man packed a suitcase and went away. Mom said he is on a business trip. He went to a place where it is not cold and alligators eat dogs called Florida. I sure wish he had taken those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us with him! That would solve my problems.

Maybe Mom could ask the big man to bring an alligator home with him. I think that would be nice. It could live in our back yard and if those stupid dogs that live in the house behind us get in our yard and try to chase me up the trees, the alligator can just take care of them. Maybe I should have asked Santa for an alligator for Christmas. I have been a good cat all year and I know he would have brought me one. I may have to ask him for one next year if those stupid dogs still live in the yard behind us.

While the big man was gone, I sat in his chair at the table and I slept in his spot in the bed. I can sleep in Mom's bed any time I want to, but when the big man is there he bothers me with loud sleeping noises. Mom does not make loud sleeping noises and she stays on her side of the bed. I liked sleeping in the big man's place in the bed.

The big man is coming home today from his business trip. I guess I'll have to go outside tonight to get some sleep. But that's OK. I heard the people on the weather TV screaming about something called snow today. We are going to get a bunch of it tonight and I don't know what it is. I'm going to be outside waiting for it and if it tries to get in our house to get Mom, I'm going to protect her. Because I am her cat and I am a cool cat.