Mom and the big man worked very hard at our house for a bunch of days. I knew something really big was going to happen at our house because the big man does not work very hard at our house unless something big is going to happen.

On the day that was Saturday, I was outside for a long time because Mom and the big man were putting more flowers in pots and sweeping our porches to get dead presents off of them. I came in the house when it was dark and our house was fixed up very pretty. We had a bunch of nice people food bowls and pretty flowers all over our house. We had tables in our living room with lots of chairs so I knew a bunch of people would be at our house.

I did not like that because whenever a bunch of people come over, that means the people babies are coming too and well, they get on my nerves. I thought about running away for a day but Mom had bought me new cat treats at Walmart and I did not her to give them to some other cat or the people babies.

On the day that was Sunday, Mom and the big man went to the place where people act nice to each for a few minutes called church. When they came home, they got busy again fixing food. Other people came over to help Mom and the big man fix stuff called helpers. One of the helpers hid my cat bowl! What is wrong with the helper? Cats have to eat or they will starve!

Mr. and Mrs. Cravitz came to our house to be helpers too. I know they like me a lot because they are always talking to me saying things like "get out of here cat" and "go away". There were a bunch of people in our house, but I wanted Mrs. Cravitz to know that she is special, so I rubbed on her leg. She liked it so much she hollered. I guess Mom got jealous because she got mad at me and put me in jail upstairs.

I was listening at the door. I was very mad because I was in jail. Mom and the big man and all the helpers had a party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party. That is not fair! I never get to go to parties! Mom and the big man and the helpers invited a bunch of little old people ladies with no big men called widows to the party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party.

All the people drank hot stuff in cups and ate little foods and laughed and talked and had a very good time. And where was I? Locked upstairs in jail! I could have sat in laps and got lots of petting but Mom is jealous and mean and locked me away! I may have to poo in her new office about that.

When all the little old people ladies with no big men called widows left and went to their own houses, some of the people kid helpers came upstairs and broke me out of jail. They were nice little people kid helpers! But it was too late because all the good little foods were gone. There were no treats left for the cat. The big man was talking about how good the little foods were. Why did the big man get to go to the party where people drink hot stuff in cups and eat little foods called a Tea Party and I did not?

I am going to run away sometime. This is not cool and I am a cool cat.

I know Mom likes me best.

On the day that was Sunday, it was a special day for Mom. It was the day that everybody calls Mom on the telephone and gives her presents called a birthday. Mom had a nice day on the day that was Sunday. The big man took her to the place where other people cooked her lunch and cleaned up the table called a restaurant. Me and Mom worked in our yard that day and planted flowers around because that is what me and Mom like to do. The big man helped Mom by falling asleep in the nice swing in our yard.

The big man took Mom over to her people mom's house for supper and the people kid Justin and his girl were there and Mom's people brother that is mean to cats and some other people Mom likes. They had a big dinner with cake and people treats. I was not invited and that is not fair! Mom wants to spend special days with who she likes best!

All the people at the special dinner got Mom presents for the special day called birthday. When she got home that night she was talking about her nice presents and I was very mad because no one took me to Walmart to get Mom a nice present. I could have got Mom some little fish or something for her special day. But I didn't have anything. I thought about that between naps on the day that was Tuesday. It was nice outside and birds were everywhere so I thought I'd go find Mom a present just from me. I've brought Mom fat birds before and I don't think she liked those. Mom likes chickens and I have hunted everywhere but I can't find chickens to bring home for Mom.

So I went hunting that night. I got something very special for Mom, something I have never got for her before! I knew she would like it because I liked it. I liked it so well that I ate it's legs off before I gave it to Mom. That punk Jesse from down the street says the legs are the best part. I should have saved a leg for Mom because when she came outside and saw my pretty present for her, she screamed. She fussed at me about my pretty present! She did not like it! I worked hard to get that pretty present for her!

I did not know Mom did not pretty frogs without legs for presents. I felt bad about that and decided to get her something else she might like better. I went out that morning and got her a surprise! Something I knew she would like! Mom came downstairs from her new office to eat lunch. She was busy eating lunch and working on her computer when I snuck in the cat hole and came in the back door. I was being very quiet so she would not see me with her surprise.

I walked around the back of the table and went under the table and laid the surprise on her foot. I was so sneaky! She thought I was laying on her foot and she talked sweet to me. I backed up so she could see that it was not me laying on her foot and then she would know it was a surprise. She saw me and then looked at her foot.

She screamed again! She did not like my half dead bleeding squirrel that I caught just for her surprise! I worked so hard to catch that squirrel and I was very careful not to eat its legs off before I gave it to Mom. But did she appreciate my surprise? NO she did not! She jumped up from the table and got the broom and the dust pan and some big gloves. I was trying to guard my half dead bleeding squirrel so it would not run off. Mom hit me with the broom! She is a mean Mom! I'm not getting her any more half dead bleeding squirrels! She tried to sweep her surprise up in the dust pan and it was trying to get away. She fought and wrestled with the squirrel and was saying loud words I am not allowed to say. I decided I better help her so I tried to fight with the half dead bleeding squirrel while Mom was trying to catch it. She hit me again!

Mom wrestled the half dead bleeding squirrel into the dust pan and held it in there with the broom and ran to the back door. The back door was locked and Mom did not have any hands to unlock it with. She had to put the broom down to unlock the door and when she did, I saw the half dead bleeding squirrel try to get away so I jumped up to get it and it fell in the floor and started running. Mom started screaming again she beat my half dead bleeding squirrel with the broom! I was trying to catch it for her and she started beating me with the broom! I was so mad at Mom! I was just trying to help her with her surprise and what does she do? She beats me with the broom!

Mom got the half dead bleeding squirrel out the back door and threw me out with it. Then she locked all the doors and told me I can never come back in the house. That is not fair! She lets the big man come in all the time no matter what he does.

That punk Jesse from down the street heard all the commotion and thought I was being beat up by those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us, so he came down to watch. He told me that it is OK to get presents for people, but people do not like their presents in their houses. Presents like half dead bleeding squirrels can make a mess. I felt bad about making a mess in our nice house, so I decided I better make it up to Mom.

I know she likes nice moles, and they are easy to catch, so I got her one. I did not take it in the house or leave it on the steps like the pretty frog. I put it on top of her car so she could see it and it would not make a mess. She saw the nice mole on top her car and she did not like it! What is wrong with Mom? She does not like any presents I bring her!

I am not going to bring Mom presents any more. She does not appreciate my presents. The next time I catch a pretty frog or a fat bird or something like that, I am going to save it and give it to the people kid Justin and his girl. I bet they would like my presents because they are cool, like me. I am a cool cat.

I have been very mad at Mom about the computer. My internet cat friends have been very worried about me and one of my internet cat girlfriends, Sammie, is looking for another internet cat boyfriend because she said I am ignoring her. My internet cat friend Ink is very bored because I have not told her stuff on the computer. It is not my fault, I have been trying to use the computer for a month but Mom is always on it and will not let me have it. Well, and I've been busy too.

Last month I knew something big was going to happen at our house because Mom and the big man got all the big suitcases out of the place where we hide things called the attic. They went to place where people buy stuff called Memphis and came back with lots of stuff we don't need like shoes and garbage bags people wear when it rains called panchos. I knew Mom and the big man were going somewhere and with all the stuff they put in the big suitcases, I knew they would be gone a long time. Whenever Mom and the big man are gone for a long time, they take a vacation. I would like to take a vacation too, but I don't know where they hide the vacations so that I can get one. I've looked everywhere but I still can't find a vacation. Mom and the big man must not have many because they only take 1 or 2 a year so whatever vacations are, they don't have a lot of them.

Since I knew that when Mom and the big take a vacation, they are gone for a lot of days and nights, I just talked to Mom about it. I do not like it when they leave me at home by myself. Mom talks to Mrs. Baptist down the street about it and Mrs. Baptist and her two people kids come to our house and give me food and water and sometimes they stay for a minute and pet me. But a cat needs more than that. I told Mom she should let me go live somewhere else where I can get some attention while they are gone for a long time. I know Mom likes me a lot, because she made things better this time. The nice lady that lives in one of our little buildings out back called the guest house came to our garage every day and gave me food and water. Then she let me in the house and gave me cat treats! I napped in favorite spots in the house all day, just like when Mom is home. Then the lady would come over at night and let me out and she would play with me for a long time. That was much better than being locked out of our house!

Anyway, Mom and the big man were gone for a long time. They went on airplanes far away where it is day time at night. They went to a place where it rains a lot and people talk funny called England. They stayed there for a long time and saw a lot of very old things. I thought that was nice of Mom to take the big man to a place where things are older than he is.

The big man says Mom has something called an obsession. I don't know what that is, but he says Mom has it about clocks. I know what a clock is because Mom really likes clocks and we have a bunch of them in our house. We even have one that a bird lives in that I cannot catch called a Cu-coo clock. The big man said that there were too many old things tosee in the place where it rains a lot and people talk funny called England and all mom wanted to do was sit and look at some big clock.

After they stayed in the place were it rains a lot and people talk funny called England, Mom and the big man got on a very fast train that has food called the EuroStar and went the place where people kiss all the time and no one knows what they are saying called Paris. The big man said there were lots of things older than him to see in Paris and he was very glad there were no big clocks there for Mom to sit and stare at for a long time.

Mom and the big man saw lots of very old stuff when they were gone for a long time. Mom will not stop talking about it and I am tired of hearing about it. I have stuff I want to talk about to, but Mom is too busy talking about her stuff to listen to me.

On the night Mom and the big man got back, I was very glad to see them. I came in the house to sleep with them because I knew they missed me very much and wanted me to sleep with them. After they went to sleep, I thought I'd get closer so they would know I was there so I slept on the big man's hiney. It was very warm and comfortable on his hiney and I started purring. Then I made biscuits like cats do so he would know how happy I was. Well. The big man did not like it that I made biscuits on his hiney while he was sleeping! He got mad at me! He got out of the bed, picked me up and threw me out in the garage!

Mom said we are getting back to normal at our house and I am very glad about that. She finally let me use the computer today.

When Mom and the big man got back, Mom was very far behind at her work and had to work a lot. I know that when Mom works she gets money to buy cat treats, so I left her alone because I do not want to run out of cat treats. The big man had to go back to his work too. He does not buy me cat treats so I don't care about his work.

Me and Mom have started talking about all the stuff we are going to do at house. We are going plant nice flowers in my flower beds where I poo and we are going to cook good things to eat outside. It is springtime at our house and Mom is home! That is cool, I like that because I am a cool cat.