Nothing is ever fair at our house. Never.

I have been in big trouble today and it is not fair at all. I slept in the house on my new bed and had to go outside when the bird came out of the clock 4 times. Mom got up to let me out and the big man stopped his loud sleeping noises long enough to fuss about me needing to go poo.

I prowled around a bit and came back home in the afternoon and Mom and the big man were not home. They stayed gone a very long and came home singing in the middle of the night. I was trying to stay warm under the little house in the back called the shed.

I get tired of being left at home all the time. Mom goes places all the time and never takes me. The big man goes places and never takes me. Not that I want to go anywhere with the big man, but still. I was thinking about all that and I decided that if no one would take me anywhere, that I'd just go by myself. I'd take my own trip.

So I went down to some people neighbors' house. They were very nice to me and fed me with their yellow and white girl kitty. They have people kids that came out to pet me and dog in the back that looks just like my friend Sable. I slept in a box in their garage and it was nice and warm. I stayed there for a few days and nights. Today I saw Mom walking by with her white shoes with laces and cap on. I miss Mom and wanted to say hi to her so I ran out to see her and I was purring because I had just ate some cat treats and I was happy.

Mom was not happy! She picked me up and hurried me home! She yelled at me the whole time! She was very mad at me! She said she had been very, very worried about me and that her and the big man had been calling and calling me and looking for me everywhere. She said she had been very sad and that I can't run off to other people's houses.

Well, I reminded her that SHE runs off and sometimes she even gets in trouble. I was just minding my own business visiting with a friend. She did not like my answer. She took me in the house and told me I could not go outside anymore today because it is Halloween and Halloween can be bad for black cats.

So I just laid down and took a nap. I was sleeping just fine and the big man came home. He came in and started yelling at me and woke me up. I was very mad at him, I have already been yelled at enough today and I don't need him waking me up from my nap. I hissed at him and told him to go away and leave me alone.

I need some rest. I don't need to be yelled at. Yelling is so not cool and I won't listen to any more of it because I am a cool cat.

I have a new bed at our house! Mom always puts out the blue blanket when people babies come over. I have always liked laying on the blue blanket, it smells good. When the people babies leave, Mom cleans up all their toys and other big messes and she folds up the blue blanket and hides it.

We have so many people babies over so much that Mom left the blue blanket out by the fireplace. I have made it my bed. Even the big man calls the blanket my bed, so I guess I won’t scratch him.

I changed my schedule just a little bit because it is cold and rainy. I try to stay in the house all night on my nice bed and I go out for just a while in the morning and then come back in before supper time. When I used to stay in the house at night, I’d sleep with Mom and big man, but my bed is much better because I can’t hear all the big man’s loud sleeping noises.

I don’t poo in the house and sometimes I have to go and I have to wake Mom up to let me out. This is easy because all I have to do is walk in her room and meow. This morning the bird came out of the clock 3 times and I had to go out. The big man fusses about me having to go out and if he keeps up, I may just poo in his shoes instead.

Mom has been worried about me because my meow doesn’t sound right. She says I have a cold, but I don’t think I do because they have the heat on now and I think I have a hot. She thinks I don’t feel good because I am not prowling at night, but heck, its cold outside and it has been raining. And I have a new bed, which is so soft and warm. I can stretch out all day and just be a cool cat.

It's been a hard weekend at our house. The people baby, Red Head Boy, came to our house and spent 2 days and 2 nights. He is the one that follows me around, points at me and says "Cat. Meow." He has learned to say Monkey, so now he follows me around and says "Monkey. Cat. Meow." Boy is he getting smart or what?

He is afraid of the people kid Justin. This was good news for me because anytime Mom brought Red Head Boy into the same room with the people kid Justin, he cried and ran to the other room. I figured out if I stay in the room with Justin, I don't have to worry about Red Head Boy because he is crying in the other room.

Mom took Red Head Boy home on Saturday afternoon and when she came home, she was very busy cleaning up our house very fast. People babies make big messes in our house and no one likes it. I was trying to sleep in the living room and Mom was making lots of noise picking things up and she was bothering me. She also cooked a lot of food.

I get nervous when she cooks a lot of food because usually when she does that, people come to our house. I don't know how that works, maybe they smell it and just come over or maybe they tell Mom their coming and then she cooks a lot of food. Whatever it is, sure enough, that night a bunch of people came over. It was Mom's people family again. People cousins and more little people kids and people babies. They ate all the good food and then stood around a cake and tried to sing Happy Birthday to somebody. They sounded so bad I had to go outside.

They left and me, Mom and the big man went to bed. I slept in the house again. Mom's clock that makes noise woke me up before it was day time. And wouldn't you know it, Mom got up, tood a shower, got ready, put her suitcases in the car and left! She's gone! She never stays home!

This time she is in a place where other people pay lots and lots of money to play a game called golf. I don't know why Mom has to go there people she does not play golf, even if it does not cost anything. The big man says she will be home tomorrow and she will cook dinner for us. I'll have to see it to believe it. I'm not taking his word for it and getting tricked again. I'm too cool for that because I am a cool cat.

Mom was supposed to come home on Wednesday in time to cook supper for me, the big man and the people kid Justin. She had it all planned out.

Well stuff happened. She had to fly a very long way from the place called San Diego where her favorite flowers are. She had to go to a place called Houston where it rains all the time. Bad things happened to Mom in the place called Houston and she had to stay for a long time. She did not like that. She had to run very fast in the airport, she got on a train and it stopped in the middle of the road and didn’t move for a long time and it was lightening. Then she had to walk out on the runway to get to the plane and she got very wet in the rain. She was not a happy Mom at all. And she was late getting home and did not cook dinner for me, the big man and the people kid Justin.

The big man got home first and he told me Mom was going to be late and she would not cook supper. Me and the big man were discussing things about Mom. The big man has been on airplanes with Mom, so he knows about this stuff. I have not been on airplanes with Mom because she will not take me, so I’ll have to take the big man’s word on it.

The big man says that people with jobs like Mom’s go to the airport and fly on planes and they have on very nice clothes with nice hair. They have nice shoes, some have sticks on the back to make girls tall. The big man says they are very dignified and professional. I tried to look that up in the dictionary, but I don’t know how to spell so I couldn’t find it.

The big man says that Mom does not come home in nice clothes with nice hair and she never looks dignified and professional. He says Mom comes home from the airport all pale and disheveled looking like she just crawled out of her death bed. Now, the big man gets on my nerves quite a bit, especially when he uses big words I don’t know. I was trying to ask him if pale and disheveled was a bad thing and he wouldn’t tell me.

Then Mom came dragging in and I figured out that if this is what pale and disheveled was, then yes, it is a bad thing. She was very tired and walking all bent over pulling her heavy bag. She looked very sad and tired. Poor Mom. She had a very long day and a bad time in the place called Houston where it rains all the time. She only had a biscuit for breakfast and she was starving because it was long past supper time. I’m trying to figure out if Mom really likes leaving all the time on airplanes. Surely if it was fun, she would not look so pale and disheveled when she comes home.

The big man cooked supper for us, then the people kid Justin came over. We all went to bed early to rest up for the next day. Because like it or not, a people baby came to stay. Good grief! Can’t those people babies stay home! This time it is Red Head Boy. I’m trying to ignore him the best I can. There are people babies everywhere I look and I don’t like it. It is not cool and I am a cool cat.

Mom is gone again. She's always gone these days. She left Sunday morning to go far away where the sun is shining and her favorite flowers are called San Diego.

Mom's people brother, the mean one who is always mean to cats, came to our house yesterday and fixed the computer. I had to hide while he was here so he wouldn't put socks on my head or something. Mom's people kid named Justin came over too and me and him played for a while.

Mom called and she is having a little bit of fun where the sun is shining and her favorite flowers are called San Diego. She put on her white shoes with laces and ran away beside the water and she liked that. She told the big man that this time she ran away on the west coast and just two weeks ago she ran away on the east coast and he thought that was nice. I would think it was nice if Mom would just come and run away here.

If she likes running where there is water, all she has to do is let the big man turn on the sprinklers. Last time he turned one on, he forgot to turn it off for 5 days and 5 nights. When Mom got home she was very mad at the big man because our yard was a lake. I was laughing at the big man because Mom was talking loud to him about it. But then I stopped laughing because Mom went out of town again and I really need the big man to give me cat treats when she's gone.

I heard Mom tell the big man we are having company this weekend. A whole bunch of Mom's people family are coming over to eat chili and cake. I'll have to hide because some of Mom's people family likes to play tricks on cats and that is not cool. I don't want any part of it because I am a cool cat.

It has been a long week and I am not happy with the big man. He has kept me off the computer for a long time. The computer broke and he would not fix it. Mom was out of town and I had no way to tell you I was not dead.

Now I have a lot of things to tell you. Mom was home for a couple of days last week. She had to clean up her office. She got the new desk a long time ago and we never did get everything all nice after that. So one day the people kid that feeds me from next door came over and she helped clean up stuff and put things in boxes. I was helping too.

Mom and the people kid from next door were filling up the trash can and putting boxes in the closet and making little signs for little paper holders call file folders. I got tired watching them.

Then Mom went away to a place that has no grass and trees with no leaves and prickly things on them called Arizona. She liked it out there except she told the big man that she wanted to go outside and see the trees with no leaves and prickly things on them but she had to work too much and could only see them out her window. She was very sad about that because we don't have those kind of trees here and I would want to see them too.

While she was gone, that big grey cat came around and gave me problems. I tried to run it off, but it bit my ear and now my ear is very sore and I don’t like it. I don’t like that big grey cat either. Mom got home one night at supper time. Me and the big man cooked her something good to eat because it takes the airplane a really long time to get from Arizona to our house.

I decided to sleep in the house that night because I had not seen Mom in a long time and she will let me sleep in the house if I want to. The big woke me up with loud sleeping noises and then I had to wake up Mom to let me go outside. I think the big man should be the one sleeping outside.

I thought everything was just fine at our house, but no it was not. Mom left very early on Saturday morning and was gone for a while. When she came back SHE HAD PEOPLE BABIES!! ARGH!! I HATE people babies. She had Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy. Oh, I was so upset. Somebody help me. And just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, a car came to the driveway and Red Head Boy got out! All three people babies in the house at the same time!

I was chased! I was stepped on! I was pinched! I was squooshed! I was bit by a people baby with no teeth!

If my ear had not been sore, I would have run away. I could, you know. I could hide under the little building in the back called the shed and wait for the people kid Justin to come over. Then I could hide in his truck and leave with him. He’d help me. He’s a cool dude and he could use a cool cat for a buddy and I am a cool cat.

We have had a nice weekend at our house. Mom did some work outside on the weekend but I was too tired to help so I stayed in the house and napped. Me and Mom were laying in the chair watching TV one night for a long time. I like to watch TV with Mom. She pets me a lot when we do that.

Sometimes she is not happy with me because I bother her drink. Mom has this one drink that she likes very much because she drinks it all the time when she is at home. I like this drink too but Mom will not share with me. The drink she likes very much is water with bubbles in it called Club Soda. She buys it a lot at Walmart. Sometimes she will go all the way to Walmart to get more if she is out, but when I run out of cat treats, she waits a bunch of days before she bothers to go buy more. I think that is very unfair.

Some people make fun of Mom for drinking Club Soda. Some people like to put stuff in their Club Soda that makes them laugh and be funny. Mom only puts ice in hers because she doesn’t like stuff in Club Soda that makes her laugh and be funny. Some people say Mom is being an Uppity because she has to have bubbles in her water. I like bubbles in my water too, so I’ll be an Uppity too.

I have lots of places to drink plain water at my house. There are three really big water bowls that always have fresh water in them. Outside in the garage, right beside my Meow Mix, I have a little bowl with water in it. But when the bubbles are in the water, I just can’t stay away. I try to get Mom to share but she won’t. She keeps moving her glass of Club Soda and I have to chase it. She says I am stalking her drink. I think that means that I just want her to share and she won’t.

Well, today Mom was very busy at work. She was in her office with the new desk on the phone with a bunch of people all at the same time on something called a conference call. She wasn’t paying attention to me. Her Club Soda was right there. You might know that she somehow figured out I was drinking out of her glass and she got all mad at me and made me go downstairs. I don’t know why Mom is so greedy about her Club Soda. She could give me some too.

I think Mom is pretty cool and since she is Uppity because her water has bubbles in it, I want to be Uppity too. I need some Club Soda and I should get some because I am a cool cat.

Mom left again in the middle of the night Sunday morning. I thought something was different when she went to bed when the bird came out of the clock 8 times. She went to a place where they are many big important boats called Virginia Beach. She did not have much fun there. See, when Mom goes to places on airplanes, they give her a car when she gets off her plane so she can drive places she needs to go. At the place with the big important boats called Virginia Beach, the mean people did not want to give her a car and she had to stay mad at the airport for a long time. She was really fussing about and saying those loud words that I’m not allowed to say.

When they finally gave her a car, she drove to her hotel and the people would not let her have her room. She was very mad about that too. She had to sit in her car for a long time and be mad some more. The big man had put on white shoes with laces and a cap so he was not home when Mom called, but I was. Mom left her voice on the box called the answering machine and she was all worked up and saying very loud bad words. The big man listened to her voice when he got home and told me he was going to wash Mom’s mouth out with soap when she got home. She did not like the place with big important boats called Virginia Beach and she doesn’t want to go back.

The big man had to go to the place called church where people act nice to each other for a few minutes by himself. When he got home, we just took it easy for the day. The big man went to work and I just stayed outside and away from those spooky things in our yard that won’t go away. That person is still all smashed into our little building too.

We got a surprise on Tuesday. I like surprises! Mom’s people kid, Justin, the one I like the best, came over and brought good food to cook on the grill. Me, Justin and the big man had a very good dinner and we hung around and talked like boys do.

Mom came home last night while the big man was gone somewhere. She gave all her attention to me! She petted me and talked nice to me. I like it when it is just me and Mom here. The big man came home and he was happy to see Mom. Mom was happy to be home, I was happy to get some attention, we were just a happy family. That is cool. I’m glad, I fit in just right because I am a cool cat.

I never know what's going on around here any more.

On Saturday I came in to have coffee with Mom and the big man. They sat around for a while and played with me. Then they put on white shoes with laces and caps and ran away. I was tired from prowling all night, so I just went to the bedroom to start my long nap.

I woke up a long time after lunch and Mom and big man were outside working in the yard. I went out to see what they were doing. Something happened in our yard! There were things and stuff in our yard that I have never seen! It was scary! There was a man made of straw on our porch. There were scary faces on big orange pumpkins. There were big blocks of dead grass that Mom calls hay all around. And those spooky little things all smiling in our yard! I didn't know what was happening and if should attack them or run away.


The worse thing was that someone flew into one of our little buildings and smashed right into it! I saw it and ran up to Mom and was meowing and growling, she needed to come see it and do something about it! Someone is smashed into the building! Mom just laughed at me. She didn't care that someone smashed into our building she calls the outhouse. I guess if Mom isn't all worked up about it, then I shouldn't be either. I was nervous the rest of the day about the stuff in our yard, but I was trying to get used to it.

Mom tried to make me feel better by letting me lay in her lap in the rope bed called the hammock. We laid there for a long time. We were just hanging out being cool, because I am a cool cat.