Our computer was broke. It would type words but the words would not go to the internet. It is no fun to type words if they don't go anywhere.

Mom's people brother that is always mean to cats is the person who fixes our computers. He had to come over to our house two times to work on our computers. I do not like it when he comes over because he is always mean to cats.

He got me in trouble when he came over. See, the big man goes to the place called college where they make him read books and write numbers on paper. The big man has to type words on the computer so the people at college will read them. He calls it his PAPER. The big man has been working on his PAPER for a long time and he said it is very important. Our computers broke right when the big man needed to finish his PAPER.

Mom was all worked up about the broke computers because she has to work on the computers. The big man was all worked up about the broke computers because he had to finish his PAPER. I was worked up about the broke computers because I have cat friends on the internet and I don't like it when I can't talk to my friends.

When Mom's people brother came over, the big man had his PAPER on the computer. Mom's people brother had to make the PAPER go away so he could work on the computer. When the big man came home later and tried to work on his PAPER, it said "Monkey was here" on the bottom of the PAPER. The big man got mad at me! He said I typed on his PAPER! I did not type on his PAPER! Mom's people brother that is always mean to cats did it! He got me in trouble!

The big man told Mom to keep me off his computer. I told Mom I do not use the big man's computer and I did not type on his PAPER.

Mom is out of town again. She went to a place she does not like where little people kids cry and scream at their Moms and Dads and act really really ugly called Disneyland. She is very mad about all the mean kids screaming and yelling at their Moms and she wants to come home really bad. She said that little people kids should not scream and yell at their Moms and act so very ugly.

She told the big man that as much as she just loves her people babies, she will never ever take them to the place where little people kids cry and scream and their Moms and Dads and act really really ugly called Disneyland. The big man said that was fine with him because he does not like for little people kids to scream at their Moms and Dads either.

I do not scream and yell at Mom. I am a very good cat and I could go to the place where little people kids cry and scream and their Moms and Dads and act really ugly called Disneyland because my internet cat friend Lucy, who is so smart, told me there are big mice there. I could take care of some big mice because I am a cool cat.

I am very mad at Mom.

She was gone for many days and many nights to the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky and to the place with lots of yellow cars and tall buildings called New York.

I felt bad for the big man because he gets sad when Mom stays gone for a bunch of days and nights. He was all sad and I decided to make him feel better so I slept in the house with him 2 nights.

He talked to Mom on the phone one night when she was trying to go from the place where horses run fast called Kentucky to the place with lots of yellow cars and tall buildings called New York. I don't know where those places are but Mom had to go to the place where they make cars and people fight a lot called Detroit to get there. She told the big man that the airplane people told her that she had to run a race very very fast in the airport or she could not get on the plane that takes her to the place with lots of yellow cars and tall buildings called New York. Mom ran very fast, faster than she has ever run before in her life. She told the big man she was happy she had on her white shoes with laces for this race.

She won the race to the airplane, but she had an accident on the way. I am so embarassed. Mom wet her pants! She did! She ran so fast and so hard she had an accident! She had to get on the plane with wet pants! The airplane people laughed at her! I am so ashamed!

I don't have accidents like that. Well, not lately. Mom is a grown Mom and grown Moms are not supposed to have accidents like that. I hope that punk Jesse from down the street does not find out my Mom wet her pants or he will laugh at me and I will have to whoop him. Then his people will call Mom and tell her that I'm being mean to their cat and then Mom will fuss at me and it is all HER fault for having an accident during her airport race.

That is not why I am mad her, though. I am mad because when Mom goes and stays away for a bunch of days and nights, she usually brings me a present back to make up for it. Well. She brought something back from the place with lots of yellow cars and tall buildings called New York but she will not share them with me! She is being stingy and mean!

She brought back hives and she offered to share them with the big man but he didn't want any. She did not offer to share her hives with me! I told her I wanted some hives and she said no. It is not fair that Mom brought back hives and will not give me any. She told her people mom on the phone she has lots and lots of hives so I know she can share at least one with me! But she will not! She is a mean Mom!

I tried to sneak in her suitcase to get a hive on my own but I couldn't find any hives in there. But I don't know what a hive is, so maybe that's why I can't find them. Mom brought back some hives and she will not share with me! I want some hives too because Mom is cool, so hives must be very cool, and I need some because I am a cool cat.

Mom and I spent a lot of time working outside in our yard on weekends. We pulled weeds out of our flower beds and rakes leaves and chased squirrels. Mom and I had things looking very pretty. She got out the flower pots and started counting them so she could get some pretty flowers to put in them.

Last Saturday night, Mom and I were walking around our yard and she got very mad. It was summer time at our house for a while and then it was winter time all of the sudden. Our pretty plants did not like that and some of them were so mad they just died. Our bushes in the back just started turning brown and yukky. I play in those bushes a lot and now they are ugly.

Then our pretty grass that will have flowers on them later called lillies got brown spots on them too. Mom did not like that at all. She told the big man that next year she was waiting until June to work in the flower beds!

She was also very sad that our pink birds got too cold.

Mom packed her new red suitcase with the yellow handle very full and left before breakfast. She went to the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky. She was not happy because it is very cold in the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky. She had to fly on a bad airplane that had something called propellers that makes Mom very sick. She was mad about the bad airplane and told the big man that next time she would just walk to the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky.

Mom is not coming home from the place where horses run fast for flowers called Kentucky. She is going somewhere that she does not want to go right now. She is going to the place with very tall buildings and lots of yellow cars called New York. She likes the place with very tall buildings and yellow cars called New York, but right now there is someone in that place named Noreaster that is messing things up and Mom does not want to go there when Noreaster is there. She is very worried that Noreaster will get her and beat her up like I do that punk cat from down the street named Jesse.

Mom called today and said that Noreaster was supposed to leave the place with tall buildings and lots of yellow cars called New York, so she is going there very late tonight. I told Mom that she whould take me with her. If Noreaster tries to cause problems and bother her, I can bite and scratch Noreaster and hiss until Noreaster is gone. Because I will protect Mom. That's what good, cool cats do and I am a cool cat.

I only have a few minutes to tell you this. Mom and the big man went to Walmart to get cat treats and I snuck in the house to get on the computer. I don't want to know I told you this.

I got in a lot of trouble when Red Head Boy was here. I was in my napping place, taking my nap, not bothering anybody. Well, here comes Red Head Boy saying "Monkey" and he got on my napping place with me! A long time ago none of those people babies could get on things and get me but now they can.

Red Head Boy was bothering me and I wanted to sleep. I had been out all night and I needed my sleep. Mom was cleaning up and she did not tell Red Head Boy to leave me alone. Well.

All of the sudden, Red Head Boy leaned back and he fell off the napping place! He fell right in the floor! He was mad! Mom came running over there and she was all worried about Red Head Boy. She asked me why I was just laying there. What was I supposed to do? He is too heavy for me to pick up. All I could do was lick him and I don't think cat licks help people babies who fall in the floor.

I told Mom I couldn't help Red Head Boy. Then Mom asked if I pushed him off! I did not push Red Head Boy off my napping place! I wanted to, but he is too heavy! I did not do it! Mom fussed at me for a long time and told the big man I pushed Red Head Boy off my napping place. The big man told Mom I was a mean cat. I am NOT a mean cat! He told Mom that I didn't need to be around people babies if I was going to push them around. I do not push people babies around! They push me around!

Well. After a while I think Mom finally believed me and I was not in trouble any more. I have to tell you a secret. If Mom keeps liking those people babies more than me, I am going to poo in her shoes. And won't that smell good if she packs her shoes with poo in them in her big suitcase?

I do not like people babies. They have never been good for me. Mom needs to stop paying attention to them and pay attention to me because I am a cool cat.

I have a lot of stuff to tell you. I'm going to tell you some of it now, and I will have to tell you some of it later. I don't want Mom to know some stuff so I will have to write it after she goes to bed so she won't see me write it.

Last Friday was a special day because the big man did not go to work and Mom only worked up in her office until time to eat lunch. We were eating lunch and they were talking about all the stuff they had to do. They had to go the tax man because he did work for them. Mom was very mad about the work the tax man did. She said the tax man made her pay a lot of money and I know that is not good. If Mom gives the tax man her money, she will not have any left to buy cat treats! I need cat treats! I do not like the tax man!

Then she said they had to shopping to get a lot of stuff because we were having company on Sunday. A bunch of Mom's people family come to our house and eat a lot of food when it is a day called Easter. I was here last Easter and I remember what happened. A whole bunch of people came and some of them had people babies and little people kids. Mom worked very hard and cooked a lot of food and everybody came over and ate too much food. Then all the people went outside and hid plastic eggs all over our yard and the little people kids and people babies made a big deal out of finding them. Everyone had so much fun Mom said we were going to do that again.

They left after lunch and were gone for a very long time. They got home after bedtime and I was very happy to see them because I was thirsty for a drink out of my big water bowl. Well. When they got out of the car, guess what they had? A people baby! It was Red Head Boy! He had a bunch of suitcases! I know what that means!

Red Head Boy stayed for 2 days and 2 nights. He followed me around and said "Monkey." One time he saw me drinking out of the big water bowl and he got all worked up and ran and told Mom "Monkey pee in potty! Monkey pee in potty!" What's wrong with him? Then he found a spider in the bathtub and got all worked up. The big man acted all brave and killed it, like that was hard work! The big man should go outside and try to kill birds like I do, then we can think he is brave.

When all the people came on Sunday, one of the people babies found me in my napping place and put his fingers in my mouth. Don't those people babies know that cats bite? We had so many people here and Mom's people brother that is always mean to cats was here. I had to hide.

My friend Cali in a place were there are cowboys called Texas told me when she has a bunch of people at her house, she justs gets where they can't reach her. She told me to jump high and get away from all the people. I can jump high like Cali! Because I am a cool cat.

This has been another busy weekend! Mom and the big man worked in our yard and around our house for a long time on Saturday. I thought they would too tired to work so much because they put on white shoes with laces and ran away Friday when the big man got home.

The big man worked in our garage while Mom did some stuff in the house. I am mad at the big man because he messed up our garage.

The big man got a big Christmas present when Santa Clause came. Sometimes I like his Christmas present and sometimes I don't. When the people kids are here, he gets the Christmas present out and it takes up our whole garage. The big man and the people kids stand around the Christmas present with paddles and try to hit each other with little white balls. They get all worked up about hitting each other with balls and they yell and holler. I don't like all that noise. One time I found one of their little white balls and checked it out. The big man and the people kids are not very smart about the little white balls. If they really want to hit each other with something, they should use the paddles, not those little wimpy balls.

Anyway, sometimes the big man does not put his Christmas present up when they get tired of trying to hit each other with little white balls. The Christmas present just stays in the garage and Mom can't park in it. When Mom tells the big man to do something with the Christmas present, he moves it over but then it gets in the way of the bicycles. So Saturday the big man decided to clean up the garage and move things around where we can't find them. And what did he do? He moved his Christmas present in front of my food bowl! That is not where a Christmas present goes! Mom can't reach my food bowl!

I have to get back behind the Christmas present to eat my food. I don't mind getting behind it, but Mom can't reach it good and she does not fill it up and sometimes she spills it in the floor. I think the big man needs to put his Christmas present out in the yard so it will not be in the way of my food bowl. I don't put my things in front of the big man's food, now do I?

I talked to my friend Lucy last week too. She is so smart. She lives with a bunch of stupid dogs and she is so much smarter than them. She is the boss of her house and the dogs know it.

Lucy has people kids that come to her house sometimes that are teenagers and teenagers forget stuff because they are teenagers. Lucy likes her people kids and she is trying to help them be smart like she is and not forget stuff. She helps her people kids with their homework. Her people kids have to write numbers on papers, just like the big man. I don't help the big man with his homework because any time I sit by him at the table, I end up biting and scratching him.

Lucy says she explains stuff to the people kid and he writes it down. Then, to help him be smart, she asks him questions to see if he knows stuff. I really like Lucy. Me and her have been talking a lot on the internet. I think she is cool because she is smart and she is my internet friend. She likes me too because I am a cool cat!