I'm not a happy camper, because I'm not a camper AT ALL!

Last night Mom and the big man worked really hard to get all our camping stuff loaded. I felt sorry for Mom. She hasn't been walking straight lately and she says "Ouch" every time she walks. She went to the doctor yesterday and she has something wrong with her legs and has to take medicine for it. The doctor told her it was because she was doing too much running away in the white shoes with laces. So she has to take medicine and not run away or ride the bicylce for a little while. She is a mad Mom about that.

She was limping and saying "ouch" a lot, but she worked very hard to get our camping stuff loaded. The big man had to work late yesterday, and he was very tired when he came home, but he had to work too. I was helping them, chasing and catching the bungee cords and ropes. I jumped in the trailer and hide in the boxes of stuff. It was great fun.

I was so excited about our camping trip that I slept in the trailer last night, just to make sure no one bothered it. This morning I had coffee with the neighbors on their porch. I came home to help Mom hang out clothes on the ropes in the back yard. We came in to fold a load of laundry and we were talking. She told me I was not going camping with them.

I was very sad as I want to go camping too. She said they are camping in the woods by the lake. A cat can get lost in the woods, or ate up by wild beast. She said she was afraid for me to go. I told her I would be careful and stay in the tents, but she said no. Then she said that I wouldn't have to stay home by myself, she got me a house-sitter.

The house-sitter is a people kid named Anthony who calls Mom "Aunt Mom." Anthony's dad is Mom's people brother. Anthony is going to come over here and stay and take care of me while Mom and the big man are gone. I like Anthony! He comes over sometimes and he pets me and plays with me. He likes to play Mom's piano and I like to lay on the couch and listen. It's just gonna be me and Anthony for a few days.

We are going to be two cool dudes just hanging out. Yeah, I'm sad about being left out of the camping trip, but I'm OK with hanging out with Anthony. We are going to be cool dudes because he is cool and well, I'm a cool cat.

Don't you love the lazy days of summer? I do.

Things have settled down a bit after the bad weekend. Mom and the big man have been busy every night going through the camping stuff and getting it packed and organized. I am worried though, because I haven't noticed that they have packed any cat food bowls. They have not mentioned what I would be doing while they were hiking and biking. I'm being to wonder if they expect me to stay home while they are gone. Maybe they just haven't had time to get my things together. They aren't leaving for a few days so there is still time.

I've been prowling at night and sleeping all day this week, which is really cool. I go out in the evenings when Mom is outside. Yesterday she put on the helmet and shoes with laces and rode away on her bicycle. She was gone for a long time, but she came back. Then we washed up some more camping things. I came in when the big man got home to have some dinner with him. I think he's not mad at me anymore over the accidents in his chair.

I like summer time. You know what I like best?

I like the weekends when Mom and the big man are home and we work in the yard together. I love yard work! I can attack the rake or the water hose. I can wrestle the rope bed called a hammock. I can run in the bushes and jump out to scare Mom and the big man. I go to the neighbor's house and help them too. They like me a lot and sometimes I have coffee with them in the mornings on their nice porch.

I like it when Mom's people kid, Justin, comes over. Me and Justin are really cool. Sometimes when it is hot outside, me and Justin just nap on the couch. I lilke that the best. Me and him just being buddies. It's cool to have cool friends, that's why Justin likes to be my friend, I am a cool cat.

I got in trouble again.

I've just been so nervous about having to catch moles and all. It's been hard. Mom and the big man were very busy and in a hurry Sunday. Right after they got home from church, people started coming over. Mom has a mom too, and was Mom's mom birthday. Mom and the big man cooked a good lunch and other people came over to eat too. There was an ice cream cake. I love ice cream.

Well, I didn't get any ice cream cake because I got thrown out of the house. I have been worried lately thinking I might have to catch moles. The big man was still mad at me for pooing in his chair and all those people came over. Mom fed me pork chops the night before. It just didn't add up for me and well, I had another accident in the big man's chair. I know I said I wasn't going to poo in the chair any more, but it was a real accident. After I did it, I hid under the table.

I didn't know that one of the people women was going to sit in the chair. I really didn't. And I hate that she had on white pants when she sat in the chair with the poo in it. Because she screamed. Loud. She called everyone to come in the room and see that she sat in the chair with poo in it. She was mad. The other people laughed at her but I knew better than to laugh, because cool cats aren't supposed to poo in chairs were people company has to sit.

So the big man tossed me into the garage. I was so embarassed that I ran away for a while. I was under the little building in the back where I hide when I need to. I took a long nap and felt better when I woke up. All the company was gone except for Mom's people kid, Justin. I like Justin, me and him are cool.

Mom, the big man and Justin were putting up little houses called tents in the back yard. They were talking about going camping this weekend and wanted to make sure all the tents were OK and had no poo on them. I liked playing in the tents. I hope I get to go camping, too. Camping is fun. Mom and the big man have lots of fun camping stuff. We will have the best camping place in the whole state park. We'll be cool. I just know they'll take me with them because I am a cool cat.

I'm having problems.

While Mom was out of town at the place where they make faucets, the people man moved into the little house in the back called the guest house. He had some people helping him move stuff in Friday night. The big man got home from work and went over to the guest house to talk to the people. I went with him, but they wouldn't let me in.

I heard them talking. One of the men told the big man that he noticed we have a lot of moles in our yard. He is right. There are moles everywhere. There are molehills everywhere. Sometimes I play in the yard and I step in the holes the moles have made. The big man said he didn't know what to do about the moles. He bragged that Sister used to kill moles a lot and bring them to him in the garage. Then the other man asked about me.

The big man said I was a lazy cat and I didn't catch moles. He said I need to be catching moles to earn my keep. Well, this bothered me. I DO catch moles when then run up on me.

Does the big man not realize how hard it is to catch moles? You have to find their holes and then you have to track them down. It's not like they just run up to a cat like me asking to be kilt! I try to catch them, and once in a while I do. I like to catch them, they are fun to slap around and bite. I get bored with them when they stop playing back, but they are fun for a while.

Earn my keep? What does he think I'm doing when I rub up against him and purr? That is really ALL that is required for a cool cat to earn his keep. But what if the big man really thinks I need to do more than that? I started getting worried.

After the big man fussed for a bit about me being lazy, he went in the house. I followed him. I was sitting in the chair when he called Mom. He was telling Mom about me not catching moles. I wanted to talk to Mom, to explain that moles are hard to kill and I was doing the best I could but the big man wouldn't give me the phone. I got so upset I pooed in the big man's chair.

I didn't mean to poo in the chair. I don't like to poo anywhere except the flower beds because, well, it stinks. The big man was so mad at me. He yelled at me and I had to hide.

Mom got home the next day and the big man was at work. I was glad of that because I got to explain things to Mom. She is a good Mom and she understands that it is hard to catch moles. She fussed at me just a little bit about pooing in the chair and I told her I wouldn't do it again. I know it is not cool to poo in the chair. It won't happen again because I am a cool cat.

I don't know if I like the people man moving in to the guest house.

See, when the nice lady from New Orleans lived there, she let me in to play. Sometimes she'd let me sleep in the guest house with her. There was a nice hole in the screen so I could get in when I wanted to. The big man covered up the hole last week. The people man moving in says he likes cats - and who doesn't?- but he is allergic.

I think I know what allergic is. It means you don't really like cats, you just say you do. Like if you are a people and you are dating someone with a cat and you want to break up with them you just tell them you are allergic to their cat. I've heard about allergic from that punk, Jesse, that lives down the street. He said that's why boys stop dating his people girl.

Anyway, Mom told the new guest house people man that I would probably try to get in the house. And what kind of bad neighbor cat would I be if I didn't try to make friends with him? Mom gave the new people man a red water bottle with "Monkey Repellant" on it and told him to spray me!! Can you believe the nerve of Mom? Well, forget them all. I don't want to play with that allergic man anyway. He's probably not even cool.

Mom is gone again, but that's not news anymore, is it? She is in a place where they make faucets and it is pretty up there. She had to ride on an airplane to a place called Wisconsin to get there. Mom is not a plumber, so I don't know why she went to a place where they make faucets. I don't know for sure what Mom's job is but it has to do with other people's money.

She told the big man that the airplane smelled very bad yesterday when she was riding it and that it was very hot. She said that someone asked her if she had ridden a camel to Wisconsin, because she smelled like she did. The big man said that maybe they had just flown a herd of goats in on that airplane before Mom got on it.

I know that pets can fly. I've seen it on TV. There are little bags for cats and big crates for big dogs. If a herd of goats can fly on a plane, why can't I? Mom could put me in a little bag and I would fit under her seat. I can stay in her hotel room while she is out working and when she comes in at night, I could play with her and she could pet me.

I'd be real popular around the neighborhood if I could a traveling cat. I could tell stories about my travels and act like a big shot. Traveling would be cool, and I am a cool cat.

I haven't been happy these last 2 days. We had fun Saturday because we had company. We stayed up late. I wasn't sure what was going on, but Mom got the big black suitcase out after the big man went to bed. I went outside, because cool cats roam at night.

It was still night time, about in the middle of night time when I heard the garage door open and Mom came out with the big black suitcase. This was not right! Mom doesn't leave in the middle of the night time with her suitcase. I ran into the garage and waited for her to come back out.
I demanded an explanation. Where did she think she was going? The big man must have still been asleep, after all it was the middle of the night time. If he was awake, he would help her with her suitcase. So I knew he didn't know she was leaving with the suitcase.

Well, she came out, petted me a little and said she'd be back in a couple of days. She said that her airplane was leaving very, very early and she had hurry to the airport. I felt better, because I didn't want her sneaking off and not coming back. If she is going to ride a plane, that means she's coming back, she always does.

It wasn't long after Mom left that the big man got up. I went inside because I wanted to know more about where Mom was going. He called her on the phone. I like to listen when he talks to her on the phone because I learn a bunch of stuff. Here's what I learned: she should have gone to the airplane yesterday, but she wanted to be home to cook dinner for the people kids. So she decided to go to the airplane very, very early on Sunday morning instead. She went to a place called Virginia, where there are mountains. She stayed at a place way in the mountains and had to drive on a curvy road to get there.

I was bored while Mom was gone. Last night I was watching basketball with the big man. I don't really like basketball, but I was bored. He called Mom. She was not happy. She was trying to come home and was stuck in a place called Atlanta. She said she got off one airplane and walked a very, very long way to get to the airplane to bring her home. When she got there, they told her they changed their minds and sent her back a long way the way she came to get on a different airplane to bring her home. She told the big man she was running the Atlanta 10K in heels pulling a briefcase. I don't know what all that means, but I pretended like I did, because I don't want to look stupid. Because I'm a cool cat.

I'm running behind a bit this week, because sometimes a cool cat just has things to do and gets busy.

Saturday was a long and good day. I started my morning early with the neighbor people. They were outside very early with shovels and rakes. Mr. Neighbor was digging in his yard and Mrs. Neighbor was raking. I helped them. I sat right next to Mr. Neighbor's shovel and when he would dig up a hole, I'd jump in it to make sure it was safe. I helped Mrs. Neighbor rake by chasing the grass and and leaves when she'd pile them up. I'd dig through the piles to make sure there were no mice or moles in them.

Mom came out and saw me helping the neighbor people and called me to come home. She told the neighbors she was sorry if I was bothering them, but the neighbors said they like for me to play with them because I am a fun kitty.

M0m worked very hard cleaning up the little building in the back called the guest house. I've heard that a preacher person is moving into the guest house. He is a new preacher and Mom and the big man's church, but he is only a preacher for kids. I think he is called a youth minister. He is going to move in on Wednesday, so Mom was cleaning up the cabinets and the bathroom really good. I was trying to get in to help her, but the big man fixed the hole in the screen where I usually get in and out of the guest house.

I played around in the yard and had caught myself a little mole out of the flower bed. I was playing with the mole when all of the sudden, the wind started blowing very hard and loud noises came from the sky. It started raining very hard sideways. Mom was in the guest house, I had to leave my mole in the yard and run to the garage. It was raining so hard. Mom came out on the porch of the guest house and I saw her. I was worried about her because it was storming very hard. I don't like the rain, but I wanted to be with Mom, so I ran out of the garage into the rain to get to her. The driveway was flooded and I had to swim through it. But I got to my Mom! I was a drowned cat, and I didn't like it, but I was with my Mom.

I thought maybe she'd be happy that I came to save her and she'd let me play in the guest house, but she didn't. I guess she didn't appreciate all I did to get to her in the storm.

After the guest house was all clean and the storm was gone, Mom worked in the kitchen for a long time. She was cooking lots of food. It smelled very good. She cooked and cooked. The big man and the people kid named Will that comes to our house on some weekends were cooking a bird in a big pot in the driveway. I was going back and forth to smell all the yummy treats.

The people kids started arriving. When the car pulled up with Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy, Mom came out to the driveway. They got Black Hair Girl out of the car and she started running to Mom and laughing. Then she saw me and started yelling, "Kee! Kee!" I don't know why she calls me Kee. My name is Monkey. Black Hair Boy is a good people baby because he can't get out of his seat.

Red Head Boy came over too. He was scared of me at first, but the more Black Hair Girl played with me, the less scare Red Head Boy was. We were all sitting in chairs around the pot with the big bird in it. We were having fun. The people babies were playing and they weren't bothering me too bad. Mom called the people in to eat.

I was sitting in one of the chairs that is made funny. It had webs, I think it is called a lawn chair. I wanted to go in and eat too. When I tried to get out of the funny chair, my feet slipped through the web and I was stuck. I was struggling to get out and the stupid chair turned over with me still stuck in it. So I ran away for a while.

Later I went in the house to see if I could have some of the big bird the big man cooked in the pot. The people babies had their toys out in the living room. I like playing with their toys so I went in there with everyone else. The people babies played with me like they always do. I was nice to the people babies. Even when Red Head Boy laid on top of me, I was nice. One of the big people said they wished they had a cool cat like me.

I'm not surprised. Everybody wants me because I am a cool cat.

Mom says I'm hyper today. Sometimes she says I'm on cocaine. I don't know what that is but she says it sometimes. I can't help it, I just like to have fun. I was tired from the weekend with people babies, you would be too. You can't even get a cat nap around Black Hair Girl without her wanting to help.

But I caught up on my sleep and yesterday I was just feeling frisky. I was running around outside, I did not want to stay in all day and sleep. I helped Mom with the sprinkler again. I left that hanging rope bed alone. I hid under the chairs and attacked the water hose. I climbed the tree.

I've been hearing Mom and the big man talking about this weekend. I'm not happy about this, but I heard that the people kids and the people babies are coming to visit. ALL the people babies. Black Hair Girl, Black Hair Boy and Red Head Boy. I guess I'll have to move away. It's hard enough trying to manage one people baby, now there will be three. And I've heard that Black Hair Boy can just about crawl, which means I'll be trying to escape from three of them at once!

There is some special thing going on this weekend with the big man. I heard Mom talking to the people kids about something called Father's Day. Some of the people kids are getting the big man presents. Well, I like being a part of the family and I've been thinking that if the people kids are getting the big man a present, maybe I need to a little something for him. After all, he does feed me and let me in the house when Mom's gone.

Well, last night I found the perfect gift for the big man. I'm not showing you what it is yet, because I want to surprise him. So I'll show you a picture next week. I just know he is going to love my present. I looked hard to find it and I did a lot of work to get it. But that's OK, I didn't mind. Giving the big man a present is the cool thing to do and I am a cool cat.

I'm still trying to rest up from the weekend. I am a tired Monkey. I've been sleeping all day and trying to get in a little play time in the evenings.

Last night Mom does something she does a lot of...she put on white shoes with laces and ran away. And she kept running. She runs away a lot like that but she always comes back. I'm not worried about her leaving for good when she puts on the white shoes and runs away because she never takes her purse or her cell phone. She usually wears a big black watch and a cap, too. So last night she did the run away thing and then she came back. When she comes back, me and her go to the garage and stretch and roll around. I like that. Mom says we are doing yoga together.

After we stretched out, me and Mom went to the back yard and turned on the sprinkler. I like the sprinkler, I try to catch the whirly things without getting wet. She put the sprinkler by the little trees with sticks on them. Then she laid on this thing in the backyard. This thing has been out there for a long time. One of her people kids, Justin gave it to her for birthday a long time ago. Anyway this thing, it is like a hanging bed made of ropes. Mom calls it a hammock. She laid in it. I noticed her hair was hanging down through the ropes so I attacked it. That was fun until I sratched her.

I decided I wanted to get on the hammock with Mom so I climbed up the poles on the end and landed on Mom's head. I tried to walk on the ropes but it was hard, I had to keep grabbing and holding on. Mom got up to move the sprinkler. I decided I was going to conquer the hanging rope bed. I jumped on it and it flipped around and I landed on the ground. I tried that a bunch of times, and I kept getting flipped to the ground. Grr.

Then I jumped a little harder and landed in the middle of the rope bed. All of my legs went through the ropes and were hanging underneath. And I couldn't get out. I had to squirm and wiggle and roll for a long time. I finally got out. Next I climbed up the pole on the end and was on the top edge of the hanging rope bed but it started swinging and wouldn't stop. I fell off again.

Mom was just watching me and laughing. Hmph. I decided the hanging rope bed was too immature for me and I just left it. It is not cool to play with immature toys. So I'm not playing with the hanging rope bed anymore. Because I am a cool cat.

It has been an exasperating weekend. And that is a big word for a cool cat like me to use. I would have kept up with my blog this weekend, but I need Mom's help to get on the computer as I do not have opposable thumbs. But she was too tired and too busy with Black Hair Girl.

I'm not sure how or why, but Black Hair Girl gets meaner every time I see her. Mom chased her all weekend. She got into everything. She used the big man's toothbrush and tried to shave with his razor. She got into Mom's bathroom drawers and played with the scissors. She would not leave the telephone alone.

She chased me all the time. If I got on the couch, she had to sit beside me and pet me. She got my food and brought it to me and dumped it in front of me. She also dumped it on my head. Mom had to carry her everywhere she went, because if she didn't take Black Hair Girl with her, Black Hair Girl would get into something.

I really felt sorry for Mom. Every time she went upstairs to get something, she had to carry Black Hair Girl. If she went outside, she had to carry Black Hair Girl. And Black Hair Girl can run really fast.

Mom has strings in the back yard she calls the clothes line. On nice days, Mom takes little wooden clips and hangs clothes on the strings. I like it because some of the clothes hang close to the ground and I can play with them. Well, Mom was trying to that and Black Hair Girl kept running away to the front yard. So Mom would hang one thing and chase Black Hair Girl, hang one thing and chase Black Hair Girl. Mom was looking for extra string to tie Black Hair Girl to a tree but couldn't find any.

Mom bought Black Hair Girl a little bitty swimming pool. She brought her outside to play in the little pool. Black Hair Girl liked the little swimming pool a lot, but she was only it for a few minutes until she poopoo'ed in it. Mom got her out and turned on the sprinkler. Black Hair Girl really liked the sprinkler and would pick it up and tote it to Mom and get Mom and me all wet.

Mom was really, really tired by the time Black Hair Girl went home. So am I. I'll probably sleep for days. But that's OK, because sleeping is what cool cats do, and I am a cool cat.

I've had fun. Mom's been gone, the big man has been around and stuff is happening at our house. It started last week, on the day they all left to get on a big boat. Some people came to look at our little house in the back called the guest house. Then, when Mom and the big man came home, other people came to look at the guest house and then they came back with ladders and paint cans and brushes.

The painter people leave the door open and I've been playing in the guest house, getting their brushes and chasing them on the ladder. Then a man came with lots of electric cords and stuff. I chased him and caught some of his wires and cords. He went to the big house and opened little closets with pipes in them. I ran in the little closet and hid from the big man. He found me, though, and made me come out. Then he yelled at me. I was just playing!

I like having some people around to play with sometimes. But I also like to be the only kitty. I like staying in the house and getting all the attention. Mom came home late last night, but it wasn't too late because she did play with me and unpack the big black suitcase before she went to bed.

I had coffee with her this morning. Then she left. I knew things were too good to be true, because she came back she had one of the PEOPLE BABIES with her!!! I don't like people babies, they take up too much of Mom's time! And this one is the mean one, Black Hair Girl.

I'm going outside. Maybe I'll go beat up Jesse, the punk cat down the street. Its getting harder to whoop him, he runs from me now. Because he knows. He knows I am a cool cat.l

I like peace and quiet. I don't like a lot of noise. I don't like it when the people boy from down the street comes with his riding mowing machine and goes all over the yard. Not only is he noisy, but his punk cat, Jesse, follows him down here and there is always a fight.

One of Mom's people kids, Justin, has a very loud and noise motorcycle. I don't like it. He brought his bike over to Mom's house and I hid under the car. I don't think Mom likes the motorcycle either because she is always fussing about it. I think she is scared of the motorcycle. I am not scared of it, I just don't like it.

Justin has another big toy that is louder than the motorcycle and it is called a 4 wheeler. He only brought that over one time. Mom fusses and says that people kids can get hurt on those big noisy toys. She told Justin that if he gets himself all killed on a noisy toy, she is going to lay him out in his coffin nekkid. Justin said he didn't care, he wouldn't know about it anyway.

Mom worries about Justin a lot. She was fussing at him before they went on the big boat because she didn't want him acting silly and falling off. Justin comes over a lot and he plays with me and we get silly, but I don't see how he can fall off a boat doing that. Sometimes Justin puts me in a clothes basket and spins me around really fast. When he stops, I feel all funny and stuff and I can't walk straight and I fall down. Maybe Mom was afraid Justin would get in a clothes basket on the boat and spin around and get silly.

Well, he didn't and I'm glad because he is fun to play with. Sometimes I even take naps with him. He said he had a really good time on the big boat and he didn't fall off. I wish I could have gone on the big boat with Mom, the big man and the people kids. I like water. I could have sat right beside Justin in the big water bowl with bubbling water. We would've had fun.

Justin is my favorite people kid because he is cool. And everyone knows you need cool friends, especially if you are a cool cat like me.

Well, its been a while. I've been busy, abandoned and just plain tired.

First of all, Mom did get me a new kitty. She was on death row at the shelter. She was nice enough, but I didn't like her. I hissed at her and growled and Mom smacked me upside the head over it.

Then, Mom and the big man and some of the people kids left and abandoned me here with the new kitty while they went on a vacation on a big boat. I was not amused. While they were gone, the kid next door took care of us, giving us food and water and stuff. I figured after a day or two that Mom wasn't coming back so I just moved next door. The people next door are nice, they let me sit in their laps and they pet me. And they don't run off and abandon me. Well, the new kitty escaped from the garage and ran away. We haven't seen her in days and I really don't care. I'm tired.

Mom says we are not getting another kitty, it will just be me. That's OK, though, now that I'm getting used to be being alone, I like being the only cat. When Mom, the big man and the people kids got back from the big boat, they all played with me for a long, long time. I got to sit on the porch and have coffee with them in the morning. I decided if I am going to be an only cat, I'm going to stay in the house more with Mom and the big man. So far it's working out OK. I spent the night in the house one night for the first time.

Mom packed up and left again this morning. She never stays home. This time she is not having fun on a big boat, she is working in a place called Illinois. Then she is going to another place called North Dakota. She has a very nice friend in North Dakota that she is going to eat dinner with. Her friend has kitties too.

I don't care if I have friends to eat dinner with or not. I like getting to be the only cat to get petted. It's cool, just like me because I am a cool cat.