Mom got home from her girl trip to the place where it is very windy and pizza is good called Chicago. While she was gone, the big man got out a new tent house I have never seen before and put it up in the back yard. I was checking it out really good to see if maybe it was a tent house that would keep Eatemups out.

When Mom got home, she was very happy about the new tent house and she had to go look at it. I asked her if the tent house was a good one that cats could stay in and Eatemups could not get in. She said no it was not, cats cannot go camping.

Mom and the big man and the people kid Will are going far away soon because they are taking something called a vacation. They are packing up all the tent houses and a lot of other stuff and going far away to the mountains. I want to go with them but Mom says I have to stay home. That is not fair!

I was so upset about not going camping that I started itching and scratching. Mom noticed I had scratches on me and she put me in the car and took me straight to Dr. Smith's hospital. I do not like Dr. Smith's hospital! There are sick cats in there! There are stupid dogs in there! It is no place for a cool cat like me! At least Mom did not leave me there like she always does. Dr. Smith looked at my scratches and told Mom I had something called allergies. I do not have allergies! I have cat hair! I don't know what an allergy looks like!

Dr. Smith gave me a shot. One of these days I am going to bite and scratch him.

I have been all sad because I can't take a vacation too. I looked under the little house in the back called the shed to see if maybe there was a vacation under there I could take, but I don't know what a vacation is so I did not find one. Mom and the big man are getting their camping stuff ready. I just sleep by their sleeping bags in the living room and dream about going camping too.

One of these days I am going sneak in the tent house box and go camping too, I don't care if there are Eatemups there. I need to go camping. Camping is cool, Mom and the big man do it all the time and I want to go too because I am a cool cat.

Mom has been doing stuff different and I think she is trying to confuse me.

Mom and the big man go to work in the morning. Sometimes the big man gets home when he is supposed to and they put on white shoes with laces and caps and run away. But they always come back. Then we work in the yard or do our chores.

Well, Mom has been doing stuff to confuse me. The big man wakes her up early and when the big man goes to work early in the morning, Mom puts on her white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away. She comes back. But Mom does not like to do stuff early in the morning. She is a sleepy head. If the big man did not wake her up, she would sleep until lunch time. But now Mom gets up and puts on white shoes with laces and a cap and runs away.

I stay outside in the morning so I can hide and scare Mom when she is walking around. She told me she is trying to exercise everyday. She said that if she waits until after she works, she is tired and it is hot outside so the best thing for her to do is get up early and run away. I told her if she really wanted to get exercise everyday, she should stay out with me at night and chase moles! That's how I stay skinny!

Mom told me this morning that she is going on a girl trip with her people mom and the people kid Julie. They are going to the place where it is very windy and the pizza is really good called Chicago. Do you think they invited me to go on their girl trip to the place where it is very windy and the pizza is really good called Chicago? NO! They did not! I have to stay home with the big man, like always.

I have not been in trouble in many days, I don't see why I have to stay home. The big man has to work all the time and I don't have anyone to bite and scratch. This is no fun at all. I told Mom that I am going to confuse her by going to stay and Mr. and Mrs. Black's house for a while. I told her if she really liked me, she could send my cat treats down there so I could have those while I'm confusing her.

One of these days Mom is going to take me on a trip. Because I am going to be sneaky and cool and hide in her big red suitcase. Because I know how to be sneaky and I am a cool cat.

On the day that was Saturday, it was a good day at our house. Mom and the big man did not have to go to work and we had coffee on our porch with the screen around it so the gray cat can't get in. We read the paper and talked about stuff.

Then Mom and the big man put on their white shoes with laces and caps and ran away, but like always, they came back. We had lunch and then we went outside and we worked in our yard. The big man was working in the flower beds to make them nice so I will have a nice place to poo.

Most of the time when we work in the yard, we work all day and then Mom fixes us a big supper and we eat and then it is time to watch a movie or just go to bed. I should have known it was a regular Saturday on this Saturday because we finished our yard work and then Mom and the big man got cleaned up and put on nice clothes and left.

They were gone a long time and when they came back, the car was full of sacks from Walmart. I was very glad about that because I was about to run out of cat treats. I helped Mom and the big man unload all our stuff by running in and out of the door and attacking the sacks.

Then I knew there was going to be trouble. Mom started cooking stuff but it was past supper time. She said she was cooking special stuff because the next day was a special day for the big man where all the people kids and people babies were coming over to eat a lot of food and everybody was bringing the big man a present because it was a special day called Father's Day.

Why do those people babies always have to come over? They were just here last weekend! I am so tired of people babies! I told Mom that if the big man wanted to have a special day called Father's Day with people babies then he should go to their house and leave us alone! I do not like special days! I want the people babies to stay home!

Mom and the big man went to the place where people are nice to each other for a few minutes called church and when they got home, they worked very fast. The big man got my big water bowl out and filled it up with water. Then they got chairs out and Mom cooked more good food. Then a car pulled up and oh no! It was Red Head Boy!

He got in my big water bowl in the yard and splashed and played. He ran in the sprinkler and chased me with a wet ball. I had to hide from him under the table.

Then Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy came and the big man's people mom and dad. All the people kids of the big man were here. Everybody sat in chairs and there was not a chair left for me to sit in! I wanted to help the big man have a special day called Father's Day but the people babies kept bothering me. Black Hair Boy chased me and pulled my tail. Black Hair Girl tried to give me a bite of her jello and I took a bite just to be nice and then she chased me around and kept putting jello on me and saying "Monkey wikes jew-wo." Monkey does not like jew-wo! Monkey likes cat treats!

I ran under the fence to Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's yard to get away from Black Hair Girl and she started crying. Mom told me I was being mean to run away so I came back and just laid down and Black Hair Girl put red jello on me! I do not like red jello!

The people babies all got in Mom's big bathtub because they were dirty. Mom had to clean them off because they cannot lick themselves like cats can. The people kids finally left and thank goodness they took all their people babies with them! Me and Mom and the big man were very tired and we were glad they went home to their own houses. We just relaxed and took it easy and were cool. I know how to do that because I am a cool cat.

Everybody is mad at our house! I am mad! Mom is mad! The big man is mad, but we don't care about him!

On the day that was Thursday, I was out prowling and hunting and doing cat stuff all night and I knew it was about time for Mom and the big man to get up so we could have coffee. I had me a fat bird and I was not through with it, so I took it the house. The big man came in the kitchen and saw me playing with my fat bird.

He got mad! He yelled at me! He said Mom told me not to bring fat birds in the house! I am tired of this! I opened my mouth to yell back at the big man! The fat bird got away!

While the fat bird was trying to get away on the floor, I told the big man that Mom did not say I couldn't bring fat birds in the house! She told me I could not bring MOLES in the house! My fat bird is not a MOLE! Is the big man blind?

Me and the big man were both chasing my fat bird trying to catch it. I was so mad at him! I was hissing and scratching and biting because he was trying to get my fat bird! I finally caught the fat bird and the big man threw us both out! I was growling at him the whole time!

The big man woke Mom up and he was mad because there were bird feathers all over our kitchen. I was mad because he yelled at me and made me almost lose my fat bird in the house and then he tried to take it away from me. I went outside and did not come back in the house for a whole day because I was so mad at the big man.

Mom left on the day that was Friday for a little while. The big man got home before Mom got back and I decided not to be mad at him anymore so I went in the house to see him and we waited for Mom to get back home. Then I was very mad again! Mom had people babies! Two of them - Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy. Why can't a cat get a break in this house?

The people babies chased me and hit me and Black Hair Boy stands over me and screams and then he pulls my tail and he bothered my nice bowl of cat treats and oh, how I hate people babies! I went outside and ran down the street to Mr. and Mrs. Baptist's house to stay for a while because they have nice little people kids and NO people babies.

The people babies stayed at our house and slept with Mom and the big man. They played in our yard and the big man finally got my new big outside waterbowl out and put water in it but then they let the people babies play in it. At supper time I saw them leave and I was very happy that the people babies did not stay for another night.

On the night that was Saturday, Mom and the big man came home after bedtime. Mom was mad! She was yelling when she got out of the car! I was laughing because I thought she was mad at the big man and yelling AT him, but she was not mad at the big man. She was mad at the airplane people and yelling TO the big man.

Mom does not need to be mad at the airplane people. She knows that every time she goes to the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta, that bed things happen. The airplane people in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta called Mom on her cell phone and told her not to go to the airplane in the morning because it would not be there. Mom says she does not like to go away on airplanes all the time, so I thought she would happy that the airplane would not be there. But she was not happy!

She said that she had to go to work to the place where there are nice beaches and food costs a lot of money called Palm Beach and it was far away and if she did not have an airplane, she could not go to work.

Well then I got mad about the airplane people too because if Mom does not go to work, she does not get any money and if she does not have any money, she cannot buy me cat treats.

Mom stayed on the phone yelling at the airplane people in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta and she was saying loud words that I am not allowed to say. She fussed at them for a very long time, then she came downstairs and packed her big red suitcase and she was mad at the suitcase and yelling at it too. The big man was trying to sleep because it was in the middle of the night and I was just hiding under the bed to stay away from a very mad Mom.

Mom got in the bed for a few minutes and then had to get up in the middle of the night to drive very fast to the airport. She told the big man there better be an airplane there or she was going to be very ugly to the airport people again.

The big man went back to bed after Mom left and I stayed under the bed in case she got really mad again and came back. She did not. She called the big man on the phone and said the airplane people found another airplane for her and she is in the place where only bad things happen called Atlanta and she would get on another plane and go to the place where there are nice beaches and food costs a lot of money called Palm Beach.

I decided to just go outside and hide in the nice swing for the day. Something bad always happens to Mom in Atlanta and I don't want to be around when she calls the big man to tell him what it is. I've had enough yelling, yelling is NOT cool and I am a cool cat.

It is hard to be a cat around here. I'm always getting in trouble for just doing cat stuff.

On Saturday night, I was very happy because the people kid Will was here and I have not seen him in a very long time. I wanted him to know how happy I was to see him, so I got him a nice mole. I was taking it up the stairs to him when Mom saw me. She yelled at me and told me to get my nice mole out of the house.

I told her that I was taking the nice mole to the people kid Will, it was his present. She told me I was not supposed to bring moles in the house. I had to tell her that she did not tell me I could not bring moles in the house! She told me I could not EAT them in the house! I was not eating my nice mole in the house! I was giving it to the people kid Will!

She told me that moles could not come in our house any more and she took it from me. I growled at her because I was mad that she was taking away my nice mole for the people kid Will. She put it out in the garage and put me out too. Hmph.

Then the people kid Justin came over on his loud toy called a motorcycle on Sunday. We were sitting out on our patio around our outside table. Mom made us a big plate of cookies! I love to play with cookies! She put the big plate of cookies on the table, but I could not reach them. So I climbed up on the table and put my paw in the big plate to get me a nice cookie to play with. Mom yelled at me! She told me cats cannot get on the table and play with people food! I couldn't reach the cookies, how else was I supposed to get me one?

Today I got in trouble AGAIN. Mom seemed to be busy up in her office and I was tired of napping so I went upstairs to help her. I could tell she was on the phone and I did not want to sneak up on her so I started meowing very loud as I walked to her office so she would know I was coming. Then I jumped on her desk to start working. I did not know that she was on a conference call with a bunch of very important people in a place far away where Bruno and Sullivan live called North Dakota. The very important people in North Dakota heard me meowing and Mom got mad at me about it. Cats meow! I am a cat! I am supposed to meow!

Anyway, I just gave up and went back down to my napping place. I will try to stay out of everyone's way because I am tired of getting in trouble for doing cat things. It is not cool, I don't like it because I am a cool cat.