I can't keep up with Mom any more. I'm tired of trying. She comes home and then she just packs up and leaves again. She was not even through telling me about her trip to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada when she packed up her red suitcase and left again! And then I got really mad because she told me she was going to Ink's house for the weekend! That is not fair! I want to go to Ink's house! I never go anywhere!

Mom and her people girlfriends all went to Ink's house and stayed up too late and laughed and talked and had something called a slumber party. I like parties! Why can't I go with Mom and stay up too late and laugh and talk and have something called a slumber party? That is not fair! I talked to Ink on the computer on Saturday and Ink said Mom and her people friends were being very mean to her. Ink said they were playing something called practical jokes on the cat and Ink was very mad about that. I told Ink that if I was there, I would bite and scratch all the people friends and make them leave the cats alone. Ink said the people friends did not play something called practical jokes on the dogs and that was not fair.

Mom and I had a long talk yesterday about her running off all the time and leaving me here with people kids and Mrs. Neighbor. Mom said that she would stay home with me this weekend and we would have a nice weekend doing stuff we like to do. We are going to send the big man to work on Saturday and me and Mom are going to do yard work and make our pretty flowers look nice again. I like helping Mom do yard work. I attack the water hose and hide in the bushes and scare Mom. I ride in the wagon and I chase birds.

I think Mom knows that she better be very nice to me because I am tired of her leaving me all the time. She will make it up to me because she does not want me to run away and live with other people. She likes me because I am a cool cat.

Mom and the big man finally showed up last night. Mrs. Neighbor said they would be home from the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada. I waited for them but they did not come home and I was tired of waiting so I went out prowling.

This morning I came in the house and asked Mom why they were so late coming home and didn't she know a cat does not like to wait around. She said the airplane was late and then the big man lost the car at the airport. Mom does not lose our car when she goes to the airport, but leave it to the big man to lose something as big as a car. Mom and the big man had to look for a long time to find our car and the parking lot people had to help too. I told Mom she should just leave the big man at home so our car would not get lost again.

Anyway, Mom did not have time to tell me everything this morning because she had to go to work in her new office. Mom and the big man were very far away where they had to have a book with pictures in it called a passport to go there. They drove around in very tall mountains that had big pieces of ice on them bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. It was cold there and Mom did not it to be cold. They drove a bunch of places and saw a bunch of very tall mountains that had big pieces of ice on them bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. At one place they got in big car things that drove them right out on top of the big piece of ice bigger than our house and our whole street called glaciers. Mom was very scared because ice is slippery and she did not want the big car thing to slip into a hole. They rode for a long time in the big car thing and then they got out and walked on the big piece of ice bigger than our house and our whole street called a glacier.

After they walked around for a while, they got back in the big car thing and went back to their car. They drove around a lot and had a lot of fun looking at stuff. I don't know why they did not take me with them! I told Mom I am tired of staying home all the time while she takes the big man fun places. She told me cats cannot go to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada because cats do not have little books with pictures in them called passports.

I got news for Mom. I have a lot of stuff she does not know about because I hide things under her bed and in the big man's closet. How does she know I do not have a little book with pictures in it called a passport? I could walk around on big pieces of ice bigger than our house and our whole street because cats are sneaky and fast.

Mom also told me they saw bears at the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada and that cats should not be around bears. I am around bears all the time! I have one hid under her bed! Mom is always making excuses why I can't go with her. I am tired of it.

I am not scared of bears. I can go to the Cravitz house and borrow one of their little books with pictures in it called a passport. And I will not lose Mom's car at the airport because I am a cool cat.

I had to sneak in through the cat hole to type this. Mom and the big man have gone away and left me here by myself. I am not happy about that. They went away to the place where the ground is ice and the mountains are tall and it is cold and there is a different flag called Canada. Mom called Mrs. Neighbor to check on me and told Mrs. Neighbor that they are hiking and walking on ice and having lots of fun. They are coming home soon and I will be waiting for them so I can bite and scratch them both. I am tired of being home alone. They are not taking good card of me when they leave me here. That is not cool and I am a cool cat.

Me and Mom and the big man like a lot of the same things. We all like milk. We like to have coffee in the morning and we really like our porch in the back in the screen around it so the grey cat can't get in. We like sitting outside and we like to work in our yard and our pretty flowers.

Me and Mom and the big man all like birds. I don't think we like them the same. Mom and the big man like to watch them play and they really like to hear them chirping in the mornings. Mom has a nice round water bowl for birds to splash in. She likes to watch the birds and I like to sneak up on them and catch them.

We have pictures of chickens all in our kitchen. The people kid April who makes people houses pretty says Mom needs to stop putting pictures of chickens around. Mom likes chickens a lot, and not just the dead ones that people eat. She thinks chickens are very funny because they are very stupid, like dogs. When Mom was a little girl, she stayed at her people grandmother's house where a bunch of chickens lived. Mom said the chickens were so stupid they would stand out in the rain and drown because they would not get under the house. Because Mom liked chickens when she was little, the big man bought her some to put in our new flower bed, but these chickens won't drown.

Mom has pretty pink birds in our back flower bed and the people kid Julie says Mom's pretty pink birds are called redneck. She tells Mom to get those redneck birds out of our yard and Mom will not do it. I know about chickens and other birds, but until the people kid Julie told us the birds were rednecks, I did not know about redneck birds. I have talked to my friends Ink and Sammie and asked them if they knew about redneck birds. Sammie has heard of rednecks before but did not know they were birds. Ink did not know about redneck birds.

We have mean birds around our house that screech at me and fly down and try to peck me called mockingbirds. I get very tired of the mean birds, they get on my nerves. Last night I was helping Mom and the big man work in the tent houses in the yard and the mean bird was trying to get me. He would not leave me alone, he was flying all over me and trying to peck me. I was trying to work and help the big man and Mom and had to keep hissing at the mean bird. I sat down in the yard and the bird just kept flying to me. Mom was laughing because the bird was trying to peck me. I was very mad! It is not cool for a bird to peck a cat! I tried to swat the bird down but he was too mean and too fast.

This morning I came in and had coffee with Mom. She put on her white shoes with laces and a cap to run away. When she got back, I went out in the garage to roll around with her and do stretches called yoga. That mean bird came into the garage chirping at me and trying to get me! I am tired of that bird! It will not leave me alone!

Mom went in the house so she could get ready to go her new office and work. I told her I did not want to go in the house and I would come in later to help her in her office. She tried to talk me into coming in the house but I did not want to.

I am a smart cat. I stayed outside this morning to take care of some stuff. I am not worried about that mean bird anymore. Because I am a cool cat.

Mom and the big man worked very hard and packed up all the tent houses and a bunch of plastic boxes with stuff in them. They put all their stuff on the trailer and tied it down.

They went to get the people kid Will and they were all excited. They were talking about all the fun they were going to have going camping to the place where there are bears and lots of people trails in the woods call the Smoky Mountains. I was very sad because Mom said I could not go too. My very smart internet friend, Lucy, who lives with stupid dogs where two cities look alike called Minnesota told me that I should wait until they are leaving and lay in the middle of the driveway so they have to stop and pick me up to leave. I tried that, but I must have done it wrong because it did not work. They just kept going.

Mom and the big man got to the place where there are lots of bears and lots of people trails in the woods called the Smoky Mountains and set up all their tent houses and got all their boxes with stuff in them off the trailer. They went for long hikes up tall mountains, they ran into bears and deer and they rode their bicycles on the people trails in the woods. They went swimming in a very cold creek and laughed and talked a lot.

The people kid Will told me that other people were camping at the place where there are lots of bears and people trails in the woods called the Smoky Mountains and they had their cat with them! Yes they did! They had a nice steel cage for the cat to be outside and the cat got to sleep in a tent house at night! I am so mad! See! Cats can go camping too! I was very mad at Mom and the big man about the nice steel cat cage. They could get me one of those too. But no, they are always too busy getting things for people babies instead.

I am not scared of bears or deer and I could have gone on long hikes in the mountains and the people kid Will said other people were riding their stupid dogs on the bicycle seats meant for people babies. I have told Mom a bunch of times that I can ride in the people baby seats on her bicycle but does she let me? NO. I don't see why I did not get to go camping.

Mom and the big man had their tent houses by the river. Mom said every night a flock of geese came to bother them and beg for food. Geese are birds and cats eat birds. I could have taken care of those geese for Mom and the big man. But no, I did not get to go.

I also found out that on Thursday, the people kid Julie and her man came to the tent houses and stayed a bunch of nights with Mom, the big man and the people kid Will. They made a fire when it got dark and sat around it and talked. I like to sit around and talk! But did I have anyone to talk to at home all by myself? NO. After I go to all the trouble to catch nice moles, they are not much in the mood for talking.

On Friday, Mom, the big man, the people kid Will, the people kid Julie and her man got up early from their tent houses and drove a long way to a place where the water is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River. They put on helmets and big shirts with heavy stuff in them called life jackets. They got in boats with air in them and paddles called rafts. They put their put their boats with air in them and paddles called rafts and got in the place with water that is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River and got splashed around and ran into rocks and turned over and fell out and screamed and dropped off big rocks and lost their paddles and found them and went under the water that is very cold and fast down the mountain and they had to work very hard to not drown. I am glad I did not go to that. Cats do not like water and I don't think I would be very happy about the place with water that is very cold and dangerous and runs very fast down the mountain called the Ocoee River.

Mom and the big man got home on Sunday, they had been gone for 7 days and 7 nights. I was mad at them for leaving me, but I was very happy to see them because I wanted to come in the house and drink fresh water out of my big water bowls. Mom and the big man worked very hard to get all their tent houses and plastic boxes with stuff in them unloaded and unpacked. The big man set up all the tent houses and plastic boxes to wash them off and I got to play in them. That was fun. I also played with Mom and the big man too.

But wouldn't you know it, the very next day, I had to do chores. Mom told me I had a lot of laundry to fold because I had not folded any in a week. Well. I couldn't fold laundry because I could not get in the house! What does she expect? I have been working very hard to get my chores done. I am glad Mom and the big man are home because I like Mom to pet me and love me so I know she likes me best. I'm glad the big man is home because I like to fight with him and bite and scratch him. It is not cool to have to bite and scratch yourself so I'm glad he is here. Because I am a cool cat.