I got caught on Mom's laptop chatting with my friend Sammie.

Mom knows I have internet cat friends, but she said she thought we just emailed each other. She did not know we were chatting on line. I do not know why this is a problem. Sometimes cats have stuff to talk about and we like to chat too.

Mom says that Sammie's mom may not be happy about her chatting with a cat like me on line. She also got mad because I messed up her laptop a little bit. I can't help it, it is very hard to type on those little keys with paws and no opposable thumb. Mom told me I can email my internet cat friends, but I can't chat and use a web cam with them. She said people get in trouble doing stuff like that she does not want me getting in trouble on the internet.

I hope that Sammie did not get in trouble for chatting with me. We were just talking about cat stuff, that's all. Cats need friends. Friends are cool and I am a cool cat.

Everyone is home now.


I got very lonesome when Mom and the big man were camping in the woods with Eatemups. The people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist came to feed me and they played me for a few minutes, but that was not enough. A cat needs more than a few pats on the head sometimes.


So I decided to go stay down the street for a few days. We have a lot of nice neighbors on our street, all except for the neighbor mom calls Mrs. Cravitz who tattles on me all the time. There is a house down the street with a very nice neighbor family and I like them a lot. They are called Mr. and Mrs. Black and they are the same color as me. Mom and the big man like them a lot because Mrs. Black works at a place called the YMCA where people run fast inside and pick up heavy things called weights. Mrs. Black puts on white shoes with laces and runs away just like Mom and the big man.


Mr. and Mrs. Black like me a lot and when I go down there to stay for a few days, they feed me and pet me and let me sit in their nice chairs in their back yard. They have people kids that play with me too. Mom says that I should not go down there and stay for a long time because I live here and I am her cat, not Mr. and Mrs. Black's cat. Mrs. Black told Mom that I could come down there and stay any time I wanted to because they like me a lot.


Anyway, I came home this morning and Mom was not happy because I was gone for a long time. I played with her for a while and I fought with the big man too. He was wrestling with me and I had to bite and scratch him. Me and Mom sat out on the porch in the back with the screen around it so the big grey cat can't get it. We talked about a bunch of stuff. Since I have been gone down to Mr. and Mrs. Black's house, the birds in our yard have started coming to our garage and eating my food. I was mad about that! Mom said it was my fault for going away a long time and not keeping the birds away.


Mom told me the people man who lives in our guest house who is allergic cats is moving away. I asked her if I could live in the guest house now and she said no.


Mom and the big man had fun camping in the woods with their tent houses. I was very mad because she told me the people baby, Red Head Boy, and his mom came to the woods too. The people kid Will that I like almost as much as the people kid Justin, came to the woods too. I have not seen the people kid Will in a very long time. Mom told me he was coming to visit our house this weekend and I like that. The people kid Will is a fun people kid. He lets me hang out with him and watch movies.


Mom said she has a lot of work to do in her office so I am up here helping her for a while. I need to take a nap so I told her I could only work for a little while. She said that would be OK because she likes me. She lets me do stuff I want to do because she is a cool Mom and that is good for me because I am a cool cat.

Mom was working very hard in her office yesterday. I wanted her to come out and play with me but she said she had to do a lot of work to do because she could not work all day on Friday. I like to help Mom when she is busy because she helps me out a lot with the big man, so I went to her office to help her do her work.

I found out the reason she had to work so hard to get her work done is because Mom and the big man packed up all their tent houses and sleeping stuff and they are going camping in the woods. Do you think they invited me? NO. I never get to go anywhere.

I did not like it when I found out and I told Mom is not fair that the big man gets to go everywhere with her and the people babies go sometimes too and I have to stay home. Mom told me that there are Eatemups in the woods that eat cats for dinner and that she does not want me to get eat up by an Eatemup. I told Mom that I am a fast cat and I can climb trees and I know how to run away. I run away from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us all the time. I can climb way up in trees too.

Mom says Eatemups can run faster than cats and climb in trees too. I told her I would stay in the tent and the Eatemups could not get me. She said Eatemups can get in tents too. I was very mad about the Eatemups. I told Mom that if Eatemups are that bad, she should not go camping in the woods either. Mom says Eatemups only eat cats and they don't bother people. Just my luck. Why can't Eatemups just eat the big man? A bunch of Eatemups could have a good dinner if they ate him up.

Well. I do not like Eatemups and I hope they never come to our house.

I asked Mom how I was going to get my cat food while she and the big man are gone. The teenager that comes over to Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's house is a teenager and she forgets things all the time and forgot to feed the last time Mom and the big man were not home. Mom told me that there are some people kids down the street that are the people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist and they are going to come down here with their people mom and feed me, give me water and play with me. They will also water our pretty flowers that we worked so hard to put in pots.

Mom says I will like the people kids of Mr. and Mrs. Baptist. They will take care of me and Mom will give them lots of money. Because she knows I am important. She does not want me to go camping and get eat up by an Eatemup and she wants me to have good food and someone to play with. Because she likes me best because I am a cool cat.

I'm still having problems at home.

Mom got home from the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. I was waiting for her because the big man tattled on me for bringing my nice mole in the house and we got in a fight over it.

I told Mom what happened and that the big man was stealing my dinner and he threw it away before I was finished. Mom told me that cats can only eat cat food and treats in the house and cats have to eat nice moles and birds outside because they are messy. I told her that was not fair and she told me that people could only eat watermelon outside because it was messy like moles and birds. I didn't like it, but I told her OK.


My friend Ink's mom asked Mom how I got the nice mole in the house. Well, I have a cat hole! I made it myself! I can go in and out all day long through my cat hole!

Mom and the big man leave the big doors open when it is not winter. My cat hole goes to the porch in the back with the screen so the grey cat can't get in. Mom leaves the big door open to the living room so I can get in and out by myself. So I just brought my nice mole dinner in through the cat hole.

The big man does not like my cat hole and he got mad when he first saw it but Mom told him to leave it alone. She said I have to run from those stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us and it is good if I can come in the house to get away from them.

Me, Mom and the big man have been working very hard in our yard planting flowers and putting rocks around dirt where I can poo. The people kid Justin gave Mom a nice bowl for our yard where she puts water and birds come to swim called a bird bath. Me and Mom both like the bird bath a lot. She likes to watch the pretty bird swim in the water and I like to catch them and eat them. Yummy.

Well, the big man decided the birds are pretty too and he makes sure there is always water in bowl for our yard where there is water and birds come to swim called a bird bath. Last night Mom and the big man put on white shoes with laces and a hat and ran away for a while. When they came back, we worked in yard. The big man was putting rocks around dirt in the front and Mom was planting flowers in the back. I was watching the bowl with the birds swimming for some dinner. I caught me a big pretty blue bird and was going to take it around back to eat it and the big man got mad at me! I was not taking it in the house! But he got mad anyway! He made me let the pretty blue bird get away! I do not like the big man!

He went to the back and told Mom that I am a killer cat and I killed a pretty bird. What is wrong with the big man? Does he not know that a cat has to eat? Mom has pictures of pretty roosters in our kitchen and that does not stop the big man from eating chicken!

Mom told the big man that cats are supposed to eat birds and moles and he should be happy that I am being a good cat. Last year he was all mad at me because we have a lot of moles in our yard and I did not want to kill them. Now he is mad because I do. What is wrong with the big man? Never mind. I know what's wrong with him. He is not cool, that's what. He is not like me, I am a cool cat.

The big man is very mad at me. But I am cool and I don't care.

Mom is still out of town to the place with Red Head Boy. Me and the big man are home.

I was out hunting and found me a nice mole for dinner. The big man was busy doing stuff. I came in to eat my nice mole and when I got it in the house, it woke up and started running around the living room. I thought it was funny that my nice mole was in the house so I played with it for a while.

The big man was working on his computer and I was glad because I didn't want him bothering my nice mole. After I played with the mole for a while, I got more hungry so I started eating it. It was a very crunchy mole with lots of bones and I was enjoying my dinner a lot. I just needed some nice drinking stuff to go with it but I didn't have any.

Anyway, the big man must have heard me crunching the nice mole that was my dinner. He kept asking me what I was crunching. I ignored him because he never listens to me anyway and kept eating. MMMmmmm....

The big man came over to see what I was eating, I think he expected me to share my nice mole with him, but I was down to the good juicy part and I was not about to share that with him! He can go catch his own nice mole! That is my nice mole!

He saw me eating the juicy parts of my nice mole and he got all worked up and started yelling at me! He was really really mad, but I was not sharing the juicy parts with him! He can catch his own nice mole! Me and the big man got in a fight over my nice mole and I had to bite and scratch the big man and the big man hit me and threw me out in the garage! I hate the big man! He stole my nice mole! That was my nice mole! I am so mad at the the big man! I was just to the good juicy part!

The big man got on the phone to Mom and tattled on me! He told Mom he to clean up guts off our carpet and he was mad at me. Well, I got news for the big man! I am mad at him too and I am never bringing my nice moles in the house again! He can catch his own moles!

I want Mom to hurry up and come home so I can tell her my side of the story. She will be so mad at the big man for stealing my dinner. She loves me and she wants to me to have good things to eat. I did not catch that nice mole for the big man to eat. That was my dinner. If the big man wants to eat moles, he needs to act cool and catch his own. Like I do, because I am a cool cat.

I thought Mom was going to come outside and visit with me on our nice porch in the back with the screen so the big grey cat can't get in. But she did not. She is the bedroom packing the big red suitcase and a floweredy one too. She has a bunch of clothes and more shoes than I can count.

She is going to the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. She is going to stay in a nice hotel with a porch with chairs where she can see the beach. I am very mad about that because I want to go too and she never takes me any where. I always have to stay home with the big man and well, he gets on my nerves.

Mom says cats cannot go with her on airplanes. Cats CAN go on airplanes. My internet cat friend Lucy, who is very very smart about everything told me that cats have special bags they ride in and they can go on airplanes. Most of the time it does not bother me too bad that Mom goes away and leaves me at home. But this time people are going with her but not me. Yes, one of the people babies is going to the place she likes very much with a beach and white sand and water called Destin. Red Head Boy is going with her! And I am staying home with the big man! That is not fair! Red Head Boy needs to stay home with the big man!

I am so tired of those people babies. They come to our house all the time and they need to stay at their own houses. They bother our nice stuff and they poo in their pants and smell bad. Last Saturday when all the people babies were here, Black Hair Girl picked Moms pretty flowers in the pots and Red Head Boy pee peed in my new water bowl in the back yard. Black Hair Boy got by the window in the kitchen and fell out of it! He did! Mom had to jump out the window to save him! Mom is too old to jump out of windows, even if they are short windows.

The big man fussed at Mom about jumping out the window to save Black Hair Boy. He was not even hurt, he just had our new mulch on him. I tried to tell the big man that he should tell the people kids to stay home and keep those people babies with them. But then what does Mom do? She takes one of them to the place she likes very much with a beach and sand and water called Destin.

Well. I am not happy about this, but I will not whine and cry like that punk Jesse from down the street. Because cool cats don't do that and I am a cool cat.

I am so tired. I am so glad this weekend is over.

We had a busy week last week. Mom went away to the place where people hit balls with sticks in a big park wearing red shirts called Ohio. She was not gone very long and nothing bad happened there.

When she got home on Wednesday, she started doing lots of work in our yard. I was very excited! Mom and the big man got me a present! I was so happy! It is a nice big water bowl for the back yard! It gets hot around here in the summer and a cat needs lots of water! I filled my big water bowl up and I was a very happy cat. When I get hot or thirsty, I just go to my big water bowl and play around. Mom is so nice to me. Or at least I thought so last week.

Well.

On Friday Mom left after she worked in her new office upstairs and when she came back, what did she get out of the truck? A people baby! It was Red Head Boy. He came to stay with us. I was not happy, but then he gave me some of his chicken nuggets when Mom was not looking so I decided to like him. He pets me and talks to me so maybe he's not so bad. I played outside all night and when I came in Mom and the big man were having coffee. Red Head Boy was still sleeping. A big people kid came to our house and Mom and the big man left. The big people kid played with me and Red Head Boy for a while. She was very nice and talked to us about her horses. I liked her and she should come over and play with me more often.

Mom was gone for a while and when she came back I was very upset! She had Black Hair Girl and Black Hair Boy with her! All three people babies! Oh no! I wanted to run away. But it gets worse. After Mom and the big man rode away on the bicycles with the people babies, they put them in my new water bowl in the back yard! That is MY water bowl! Get those people babies out of it! They will poo in my water bowl! I don't like poo in my water bowl!

I was so mad at Mom! And the big man! And all the people babies!

The people babies stayed at our house all day. They chased me and pulled my tail. They bothered me in my napping place. They cried and they pooed in their pants and made our nice house smell bad. People babies are no good! Well, except when they give me their chicken nuggets. Sometimes all I have to do is ask for one and I get it. People babies share sometimes.

I knew that a bunch of people would come to our house because Mom cooked a bunch of food. Every time she cooks a bunch of food, a bunch of people show up.

More people kids came over, Black Hair Boy and Black Hair Girl's people mom and dad came over, the people kid Julie came, the people kid Justin came over and brought his girl. Mom's people mom and dad came over and the big man's people mom and dad came too. All the people ate too much food. The people babies threw some of their food on the floor and I cleaned it up for Mom.

All the people laughed and talked and they gave Mom cards and presents. I felt bad that all the people had stuff for Mom and I didn't so I went out and got her a mole. I brought it to the garage and the big man got mad at me! He shooed me away and threw Mom's mole away. I am so mad at him. I am going to poo in his lunch box.

I found out that it was a special day for Mom. No one ever tells me anything. I have been out hunting today and before the big man gets home, I am going to get Mom another mole. Because even if she acts like she likes those people babies, I know I am her favorite. So I'm going to give her a nice mole for her special day. Because I am a cool cat.

How is cat supposed to know stuff if people don't tell them?

Mom was on the trip to the place where people kids yell and scream and act very ugly and say NO to their moms called Disneyworld and she was supposed to be gone until Thursday. Instead she came home on Wednesday. She called the big man on Tuesday and told him she had a death in the family and she had to come home early.

I was very happy Mom was coming home early and she had something called a death in the family. That is good because she got to come home and see me and get away from really bad people kids yelling and screaming and acting very ugly and saying NO to their moms and dads called Disneyworld. When she got home I told her I was happy she had a death in the family and we should get some more of those so she can come early a bunch of times.

Mom did not like that I said that. She frowned at me. She sat me down on the couch and told me what a death in the family was. I was so embarassed. I did not know! How can I know if people don't tell me! I felt very bad for Mom because she was sad.

Mom's people uncle that was very old and sick went to live in heaven and he does not live here any more. Mom had to go to a place where people cry and are sad called a funeral. That is why she had to come home early, so she could go cry and be sad with her other people family about her uncle that was very old and sick that went to live in heaven. I know what that is like because I lost Sister and I was very sad for a long time.

Anyway, Mom is feeling better now and she is very busy at work. Since she had to leave her office to go see her family at the place where people cry and are sad called a funeral, I have been helping her get caught up in her office. We have worked very hard in her office.

We have a weekend coming up and we are going to work in our yard some more. We are going to get more flowers and pretty things to put in our yard. The big man is going to get that stuff he puts in our flower beds that I can poo in called mulch. It is going to a nice weekend at our house. I am going to hang out with Mom and the big man and help them do stuff in the yard. Because I am a cool cat.