I'm the one that pulled a trick on Mom and the big man today.

Mom has really been neglecting me lately and maybe she thinks I don't notice, but I do. I ran out of cat treats not long ago and it was the big man who went to Walmart and bought me some more. I've been out of cat treats for a couple of days now and no one has offered to go to Walmart and get me any more. This bothers me. So I act all pitiful and meow a lot.

Now Mom feeds me my Meow Mix in the garage, and I always have plenty to eat. If I'm not in the mood for Meow Mix, I just go kill something. So its not like I'm a starving cat or anything. But I really like cat treats. I was meowing today and being all pitiful because I wanted a cat treat. Mom felt so bad she gave me a whole can of her tuna! Mmmm.... I licked the can dry.

The big man didn't see Mom give me the tuna so I did the same thing to him while Mom was in the office upstairs. I meowed and got all pitiful. The big man was harder to fool than Mom. I had to roll on the floor and act dead before he finally gave me ANOTHER CAN OF TUNA!! Yes! I tricked them and got 2 cans of tuna!

I was sitting in Mom's bedroom later and boy was I feeling all stuffed and yucky. I was gagging just a little bit. Well, Mom saw me and got all worked up. She yelled, "he's about to cough up a hair ball!" and she picked me up and carried me to the door and threw me out! I was not coughing up a hair ball! I was belching! She threw me out anyway! She didn't let me back in for a long time!

I had to stay out the rest of the day. I just went under the little building in the back called the shed and took 2 naps. Mom finally went to Walmart tonight and she came back with my cat treats. But she didn't give me any because she said the big man told her that he gave me tuna too. You just can't trust that big man to ever be quiet about anything.

I came in for a while this evening but I'm going out as soon as I finished this. I have some prowling to do tonight because I am a cool cat.

Mom pulled a trick on me.

When Mom is out of town, me and the big man just hang loose. We don't just clean stuff up right away like Mom does when she's here. Sometimes me and the big man have things to do and well, the house gets a little messy and the chores get behind.

The big man always tells Mom to call him when she leaves the airport in her car to drive home. That's because me and the big man have to get all the chores done and the messes cleaned up before she gets home. Sometimes we have to work really fast to get it all done.

Mom always comes home at night - sometimes in the middle of the night. She was in the place with the nice airport called Charlotte and she was supposed to come home tonight after dark. We knew this. The big man had the day off today so he worked a little bit this morning getting his chores done. Mom decided last night that she was ready to come home this morning and didn't tell me. I think she told the big man, who usually CANNOT keep a secret but this time he did.

I was supposed to have the laundry folded up and put away. The big man washed all the clothes and put them on the couch for me to fold. I knew I had all day and I was planning to do it. I started it, but I got tired and decided to take a nap for a minute and then clean it up. Well guess what happened? I was sleeping on the laundry I was supposed to be folding and in walks Mom!

She saw me being lazy! She thinks I'm lazy! I'm not lazy! I always do my chores!

The big man could have told me. He knew. I think he just wants me to get in trouble because Mom likes me better. But that's OK, I'll get him back. I can think of lots of ways to get the big man in trouble. I'm smart. And I'm a cool cat.

Well! Nobody tells me anything around here! Mom left for her girls weekend and I thought me and the big man were going to hang out but no. He left too! And Mom did not come home when she finished eating chocolate and having too much fun with her friends and the people kid Julie. She went to the big man's people mom and dad's house and they stayed there for 2 nights and did not come home!

I knew something was up when the people kids from next door came to give me food and water.

Mom and the big man got home Sunday in time to eat soup for supper and go to bed. They were very tired. The big man went to work on Monday and me and Mom enjoyed our morning. We drank coffee, read the paper and watched the news. She went upstairs to her office to work and I went with her. I thought she might need some help. Well, what did she do? She got out the map and her calendar and I knew what that meant! She is going away again.


I didn't want her to go away so I tried to talk her out of it, but no. She left Monday to the place with the nice airport called Charlotte. She got to spend the night with Sable and Ink again. Ink got to sit in her lap for a long time. That is not fair! She is MY Mom and I want to sit in her lap, but her lap is never here!

I heard the big man say she is coming home tomorrow and will be here for a few days before she goes away again. I hope she plans to stay home and play with me instead of going over to someone's house or something. I'm a good cat, but sometimes I get mean when people don't treat me right. I don't want to be mean because I like being a cool cat.

I guess Mom is not mad any more about me getting in the neighbor named Gladys Cravitz' car. I brought her a present so she would not be mad at me anymore.

The big man brings her presents a lot so I thought I better step up and do a little myself. I bring her birds and little moles sometimes, but since everybody was mad about me getting in that car, I thought I'd better do something a little better and special.

Mom has been at home since Sunday but she is leaving again tomorrow. She is going to the place where her people kid named Julie lives. Ink and Sable's Mom is going to be there too. I have a friend named Snoopy that lives in the place called Atlanta where only bad things happen. Snoopy's mom is going to be there too. Another people friend of Mom's is going to be there. There will be 4 moms and NO pets. That is not fair. They are calling it a girls weekend.

I don't know what that is but I think its something that only girls do that the big man is not getting all excited about. Mom says the girls are going to the place where the people kid Julie works and they are all getting haircuts and toes painted. Then they are loading up in the big man's truck and going to another place called the mall to get their faces painted. They are going to laugh and talk and have more fun than ever. They are going to eat a lot of food and chocolate. They are going to eat so much that Mom said they would be so full that they could not drive and Julie is going to have to drive them around in the big man's truck.

I got that full one time. I had just ate my cat food and Mom gave me the rest of her tuna. Then the big man gave me a cat treat. I was stuffed! I had to go take a nap because I was so full. I don't think I could have drove a car then either. I don't see how Mom and the girls can fun if they get so full they have to take naps all the time.

I told the big man if Mom is going away for a girls weekend, that me and him should do something to have a boys weekend. He should go get the people kid Will and we should go upstairs and watch movies where people get beat up and cars get wrecked. Yeah! That's a boys weekend! I know I'd like that! That is cool and I am a cool cat.

Mom got home yesterday. I was really glad because I was afraid she found a place she liked better than home. I was asleep upstairs when she got here and when I heard her come in, I ran downstairs to see her. Yes! Mom is home.

Then the big man spoiled it all.

We have people neighbors everywhere on our street. We have nice Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor next door. I like to go their house and have coffee in the mornings when they don't go to school. I like to help Mr. Neighbor rake leaves in his yard. They like me too. They pet me and help me escape from the the stupid dogs that live in the yard behind us.

There is another people neighbor Mom calls Gladys Cravitz. She comes to our house a lot and asks Mom questions like "what are you cooking the big man for dinner" and "surely you don't make your big man iron?" When Mom and the big man were working on our project, she came to our house a bunch of times every day.

The neighbor Mom calls Gladys Cravitz says she is afraid of cats. I know what that means. That means that when she was little a bad cat did something to scare her and she never got over it. So I'm always doing something to help her see that cats are not bad and she should not be afraid. When she is in our house, I follow her around and rub on her legs. She screams. She tries to shoo me away. I go to her house and sleep on her porch. She gets all upset and runs me away. When she takes her walk, I hide behind the mailbox and jump out to say hello. She gets mad.

Well, when Mom was gone, because she's ALWAYS gone these days, I went down to the neighbor called Gladys Cravitz' house and her garage was open. I thought I'd go in and visit. I sitting in the garage waiting for her to come out and visit and I got tired. I noticed her car window was down and thought I'd just get in the back seat and take a nap. I must have been really tired because I slept there for a long time.

The neighbor called Gladys Cravitz that is scared of cats came out and got in her car. It woke me up. I stretched a bit and then I realized she was making her car go. I didn't plan on going anywhere with her so I jumped over the seat into her lap so she could let me out.

Well! Well! You would have thought I was a ghost or something! The neighbor named Gladys Cravitz that is scared of cats started screaming and hollering! I didn't know what was wrong but I knew it had to be bad for her to scream like that so I started hissing and clawing. She jumped out of the car hollering for her people man to come out and help her. I was going to stick around and help her but she was carrying on so bad I decided to just leave so I ran home and hid under the little building in the backyard called the shed.

Well, what did that neighbor named Gladys Cravitz do? She called the big man and tattled on me for sleeping in her car! She is a bad tattle tale neighbor! I got in trouble. The big man fussed at me and got all mad. He told Gladys Cravitz that he would tell Mom. And he did. The big man does not know now to keep a secret so please don't tell him one.

Here I was all happy to see Mom and the big man was TELLING ON ME! I was trying to scratch him but he kept moving.

Mom told me to stay out of the neighbor named Gladys Cravitz' yard and out of her car. She said I have to be nice to Gladys Cravitz because she is a nice neighbor. Well, I don't think so! I think she is a trouble maker and I'm never going back to her house. She is not cool and I don't want to be seen with her because I am a cool cat.

I'm worried that Mom doesn't want to come home.

Last night she called the big man very late and she was very happy and excited. She is having a lot of fun in the place where people talk different called Quebec. She went outside to go find lunch yesterday and stayed gone all day and didn't go back to the nice hotel where she is staying and can't prounounce its name. She even got lost, but she didn't care because she just kept walking. She liked being lost where people talk different.

She said she laughs when people don't understand her. She doesn't care if she doesn't understand them either. She just moves along to another person until she finds someone that talks English.

I found out something about the place called Quebec that I don't like. I was over at Mr. and Mrs. Neighbor's yesterday when their people kids got home from school. They know Mom is far away in a place called Quebec and one of the people kids said Quebec is in a farn country. I don't know what that is, but they have a different boss of their place and they have different rules. Our rules don't always work there. I was more worried about Mom.

Well, last night she was so excited. She went to a very big place where all the people ate very good food dressed in fancy clothes. Then they turned off the lights and other people were on the stage singing and dancing and having more fun than ever doing something called a Motown Show. Mom said she was clapping her hands and laughing and it was so fun. She liked it very much and wished she could go back.

Then she told the big man that today she would walk around some old buildings and stores and go to gardens with a bunch of very pretty flowers. She said she was going to walk around all day because she loves the place where people talk different called Quebec. She said she could stay there for a long time.

I was pawing and slapping at the big man because I wanted him to tell her she MUST come home. But he didn't do it. He was just telling her he was glad she was having fun. Mom! I want you to come home. I miss you and you can't stay up there because they have a different boss and different rules. We need you back here. You have to come home! Don't make me beg, Mom, begging is SO NOT COOL and I am a cool cat.

Another day without Mom.

I was very surprised last night when the big man got home from work. It was almost bedtime and he had Walmart sacks with him. I got excited because I thought maybe he remembered to get cat treats. He was unloading the sacks and I was chasing the empty ones and sure enough, he had cat treats! He gave me some! I ate them all!

The big man has to take care of me and he knows it. When Mom calls him she always asks how I am doing and if he is being nice to me. I can get him in trouble by hiding from him. If he tells Mom that he hasn't seen me, she gets all worked up and he has to find me and call her back. He looks so funny out in the yard in his sleeping clothes saying "kitty, kitty, kitty." Sometimes I hide and watch him so I can laugh.

Since I can't sleep in the house, I've been sleeping in the rope bed outside, just watching for Mom to come home. She called last night and told the big man she was having fun in the place where people talk different called Quebec. She says that people just look at her and know that she can't talk up there, even if she doesn't say anything. One of the people at the place she is staying that she can't pronounce called her a Southern Belle. She liked that so it must be a cool name. I like being called cool names, too, because I am a cool cat.

Well, Mom is the place where people talk different called Quebec. She called the big man last night at bedtime and said she made it.

She will be gone a bunch of days and nights and you know what that means, I'll have to stay outside and can't sleep in the house all day. I don't like that.

I told Mom that she should get a book and learn how to talk different while she is there, but she didn't do it. She told the big man that people talk very fast up there and she has to just look at them because that's all she can do. She can't even say the name of the nice place where she is staying. She had to write it down on a piece of paper and keep it in her pocket so people can point to it and she can walk back to it. Mom is very brave to go there by herself. I don't want to go where no one talks Meowlish.

I heard Mom tell the big man that I did not have enough cat treats to last until she gets back. Well, the big man doesn't give me many cat treats, so they'll probably last a long time if it's up to him. She told him where the cat treats are at Walmart and let's just see if he goes there and buys me any.

For the next few days, I'll just hanging around outside watching for Mom to come home. I liked it better when she was at home all the time. I came in the house every morning and had coffee with her. We watched the news and laid in the floor and rolled around doing stuff called Yoga. I slept all day on the bed and sometimes I helped her in the office. I miss doing all that. I hope Mom comes home soon and lets me in the house. It is not cool to be outside all the time and I don't like it. I am a cool cat.

It's been boring here these last few days without Mom. I've been outside all day when the big man goes to work. I come in when he gets home and hide from him to get some rest. He is always trying to play with me and sometimes I just don't want to play.

Mom comes home today and I'm going to be waiting for her. She is not going to be home very long because she is going to the place where they talk different called Quebec. I'm going to stay in the house for the whole time she is home so I can get some good sleeping in on her bed.

I have heard Mom talking on the phone to people that live far away. She is planning a girl trip. The other people are girls too and they are talking about going to the people kid Julie's place and getting new hair and new paint for their faces. I like Mom's hair and face just like it is, I don't know if I want her getting new hair and face paint. If she comes back all new, how am I going to know who she is? That's worse than camoflauge!

And, just how does Mom have time to go away with girl people for a couple of days when she is all the time going away to work? Doesn't she know that she needs to stay home sometimes too? She has been so busy with work that she didn't bring more cat treats home from Walmart and the big man has not been giving me enough. That is a problem.

I have never tried to get new hair or paint anything and I'm just fine. As a matter of fact, I'm more than fine, I am a cool cat.

I know what camoflauge is. A bunch of the people kids of Mom and the big man have camoflauge. See, they put on clothes that look like trees, leaves and bushes. Then they go stand in the trees, leaves and bushes and no one can see them because they look like the trees, leaves, and bushes.

That is the way they hide. I think what they do when they camoflauge is try to look like the stuff they are in so other people won't see them. Then they can sneak and do stuff. I don't know what they do when they sneak in camoflauge but it must be fun because the people kids talk about a lot and they do it a lot, especially the boy people kids.

I got to thinking about Mom going away to the place where horses run fast to get flowers called Kentucky and I didn't like it. I want to spend time with Mom and I know she has to go far away places so she can make money to buy cat treats, but I still want to be with her. So I thought about a plan.

Mom was getting ready to pack the big black suitcase, which she uses when she is going to be gone a bunch of days and nights, and since I am black, I could be camoflauged. I got in the black suitcase and sure enough, nobody could see me! I looked just like the suitcase. It worked! Mom did not see me and SHE COVERED ME UP WITH HER CLOTHES and I did not like it! I had to scratch and bite to get out of her clothes! I wanted to go in the big black suitcase but I didn't want to get all buried in clothes!

So I had to get out. I looked at her black briefcase and thought about getting in it, because I be camoflauged in there, but she had it so full of papers that I couldn't even get my paw in it. I just gave up. I'll stay home with the big man once again for a bunch of days and nights. I'll probably stay outside a lot and I'll probably go beat up that punk Jesse from down the street. He hasn't had a good whooping from me in a while and it is about time to show him who's cool - me, because I am a cool cat.

The time came. Mom went out of town for the first time after the three day weekend. I don't like three day weekends and I don't want another one. We had a project, people babies and then Mom went away on an airplane again.

Me and the big man were sad. We liked having Mom around to fix food and give cat treats. When she's not home and the big man is at work, I have to stay outside all day. I get tired of being outside all day. It's loud out there and there are no soft beds to sleep on.

Mom left the morning after the three day weekend and went to a place call North Carolina. She learned her lesson, because she did not go to the place called Atlanta where bad things always happen. She went right to North Carolina. I am mad about North Carolina because I have friends in North Carolina named Ink, Molly and Sable. Mom stayed with them and their people mom. I have been wanting to see Ink, Molly and Sable for a long time and Mom knows that, but she offer to let me go? NO. I heard Molly and Sable laid on the couch by Mom and she petted them for a long time. Molly and Sable are dogs. Ink is a girl cat that looks just like me. I heard that Molly even slept on the bed with Mom! I am so mad about that. I wanted to go too and sleep on the bed with Molly and Mom.


Mom came home yesterday and I finally got to go in the house. It was nice to get back to normal. This morning me and Mom had coffee and read the newspaper after the big man went to work. She told me she is going away on an airplane again tomorrow. How can she do that? She stayed home for a long time and now she goes away all the time! I was not happy about that.

Tomorrow she is going to a place where horses run really fast to get some flowers called Kentucky. She promised she would go straight there and not go to that bad place called Atlanta first. Mom is all excited and worked up because when she gets back from the place with the fast horses, she is going to a place where people talk different called Quebec. She is very nervous because in the place called Quebec, they don't talk English or Meowlish and those are the only two ways Mom knows how to talk.

I told Mom she should buy a book and learn to talk like the people in Quebec, how hard can that be? If I were going to place where other cats talked different, I'd just get a book and learn how to talk back. Because who wants to go somewhere and not talk? That's not cool and I am a cool cat.

Mom was real proud of her project. Stop sign red walls in the kitchen, that is. She and the big man were so proud that at the end of the three day weekend, the big man cooked big things on the grill all day long and a bunch of people came over to eat.

And guess what I had to put up with? PEOPLE BABIES. ALL three of them! All at the same time. First there was black hair boy. He is still very little and he tries very hard to crawl. When I tried to lay down in the living room to play with the toys, he tried really hard to come get me. But he is too slow and I am too fast because I got away.

Then there was Red Head Boy. He follows me around and says "Cat. Meow." I started to think that was all he could say but then I heard him say "cook cook" when Mom got the vanilla wafers out of the closet. Every time I went to another room, he would come right behind me. His mom, the people kid of the big man, says his favorite animal is a cat. Lucky me.

And you know that Black Hair Girl was here! Argh! She can say my name now, so while Red Head Boy was walking behind me saying "Cat. Meow." she was running and chasing me saying "Monnnnnkey! Monnnnnkey!) I finally got Mom to let me out of the house! I stayed in the garage on top of Mom's car in case those people babies came out, they couldn't reach me.

I've noticed that the people babies keep getting bigger and taller. This worries me because one of these days they will be so big they'll be able to reach me on the counters and on Mom's car. That is not good news for me. I'm not allowed to bite and scratch them, so there is nothing I can do but try to escape. I wish they'd all stay home. Our house with our new project is just fine without people babies everywhere. Having to run away from people babies is SO not cool and I hate it. Because I am a cool cat.

Mom and the big man said they had a three day weekend. I had to listen a lot to figure out what that was. I know what a weekend is and I know what we do when we have one. But I didn't know what a three day weekend was.

Mom said it was time to have a project. We have lots of things at our house. We have a telephone, a closet, chairs, foods in little crinkly bags and big water bowls. But we didn't have a project so Mom said we needed one. Especially on a three day weekend. Well, I decided after we got the project, that I did not want any more three day weekends.

There are many things that me and the big man like about Mom. One of those many things is that Mom keeps a neat, clean house. Everything has a place and sometimes we might get a little messy, but Mom cleans it up. Me and the big man never have to worry about having friends over and being all embarassed because the house is messy. Now, when Mom is out of town, me and the big man let things slide just a little. We leave stuff out and sometimes we don't wipe up messes. The big man tells Mom that she should always call us when she gets back to the airport to drive her car home. Mom thinks its because the big man is worried about her and wants to know she is safe. Well, I know better. It takes Mom many minutes to get home from the airport. That is just how many minutes it takes for me and the big man to rush and run around and clean up all our messes. We don't want Mom to think we are untidy. Nobody likes an untidy cat!

So I was very distraught to find out our new project was new walls in the kitchen. Mom and the big man squirted water on the walls and peeled them off and threw them in the floor! And left them there! There were pieces of wall everywhere. They brought in cans and sacks and little brushes and they moved all the furniture stuff out and our house was so messy that I was embarrassed to be in it! I had to walk around pieces of wall and sticky things to get to my food bowl just to find little pieces of wall on top of my slicked chicken in gravy! I was not a happy kitty.

They opened the cans and got the brushes and put paint on the walls. Now we cats are color blind so I don't know if this is true, but the big man said the new walls were the same color as the stop signs at the end of the street. He wasn't happy about the stop sign color but Mom just loved it.

They worked and painted and climbed up and down little ladders for three days. Mom moved stuff around and LOST MY CAT TREATS and I was even more distressed. After we got the new project all done, Mom and the big man had to clean up a really bad mess.

I didn't like the project. But I heard a neighbor people telling Mom how pretty and cool the new red kitchen is. When I heard that, I changed my mind about the project. If the stop sign red walls are cool, that's good with me because I am a cool cat.